we were all in the bed, this is the 2nd thread....roll over! roll over!

[ThatVikRinA22]

so we all rolled over and hellebelles told us to get our arses out of bed......

ive started a new one because there are only a few posts left on the old thread before it gets full.

nana ive described myself on the old thread just for you!

so.

nana hellesbelles mama ed silvery and basset and any one else who posted on the old thread or who relates to our experiences and wants to post on the new one....welcome to the new thread.

old one here

And you're the one that carries the gold stars :)

helles its true. and im sure that God wouldnt want people sat in church feeling rubbish about anything - im sure he is just glad you are there and that you do what you can, where you can to help folk. Isnt that what its all about?

im slightly conscious of the fact ive not managed to namecheck everyone - so just want to reiterate that its lovely have more posters and im rubbish at remembering stuff from previous pages!

so a big hug and wave to everyone - old and new.

we need a mumsnet star chart!

ed waiting to hear about your day!

im trying to take one day at a time. today was a good one for me too.

good for all who have checked in except nina that bloody head monster!

when ds was little, I had a wrought iron little decorative chair. about a foot tall and heavy. whenever a monster came (happened twice - only took that long for them to learn their lesson!) they would get dragged out of their hiding place and battered by the chair then thrown down the stairs and booted out the front door. I wish I could do that for you nina. what does hm look like - can you visualise it? can you visualise defeating it - like the boggles in harry potter using the ridickulus charm?

ive had some really lovely replies on a police forum too - im steeling myself not to do anything rash just yet. (but my word im swinging between jacking it in and steely determination to not jack it in.....the indecision is as annoying as anything else)

i love the idea that we could all pile in and slay nanas headmonster.....like george and the dragon.....

hang on in there nana. he will go to sleep again soon and give you some respite.

ed im waiting to hear about your day....

I'm here! On phone tho so give me 10mins to type it :o

I have been working today (should be against the law to work on a Sunday) after a shaky start have had quite a good day, I work as a nurse I am sure it will be glaringly obvious the more I post, as a lot of my anxiety is related to my work, anyway first thing this morning with my first patient my heart started skipping beats and thumping, I really thought for the first time I was going to have to get away as it would be noticible :(, but was fine minutes later and got through the day well. vicar I go through periods that I would love to jack in my job and do something that doesn't involve much stress but the truth is when my work is good, I feel I am in the best job in the world, I really enjoy being able to give time to my patients and feeling that I am trying my best for them all. I think one of my fears is failing them.

helles I have never had the urge to read sir terry Pratchett but may give them a go am looking for something to get my teeth into.

basset am pleased your dh is doing well, I know what you mean about feeling blessed by just going for a walk and enjoying it, I took the dd's and dog out yesterday, it was so nice in the sun (we live right on the sea) the girls were on there bikes and there was no squabbling I felt so at peace for that hour, met some lovely people also out.

edwina sounds like a productive day to me :)

I am definately going to go to gp, he is fantastic and I completely trust him, I think if I can't then I need to move gp and there's no way I want to do that.

Well (this forms. bit of diary and a bit of therapy for me...helps me process the positives and not so positives from day)...

Good nights sleep. Still exhausted. If I didn't Havre to get out of bed I wouldn't and ecen tgen i left it till last minute (many days I only get up early nana because I have to be somewhere....one of the shackles of having young children).

Got home. Sat down. Neighbour took dd3 out. I was rooted to the spot until 3pm. I wasn't in bed but I felt awful. I was fatigued. I couldn't move. I did nothing.

Then I moved moved and have only just stopped. That's the thing with me.getting going at age moment is anything from impossible to very difficult...but if I get going and stay on my feet it can be hard to stop me. So...since then I have...

Cleared a path through my garage so neighbours can feed guinea pig.
Changed tv over and it's all properly programmed now.
Cooked a roast and done basic clearing up...still got my roasting tray and a couple of pots to handwash tomorrow.
Dcs have cleared shoe rack. I have cleared and hovered rest of floor in hall.
Minor tidy in conservatory.
Homework with dd3
(Homework with DTDs was done whilst flopped on sofa)
Sorted a bit of clean washing on/off airer
Swimming kit to dry
Nitty gritty dd3 (routine check...we're clear yay!)

Looks like a long list...but some are 30sec jobs. But every one of them is an acheivement I wouldn't have done in bed :)

Slight downer that it was a slow start. Dd3 was also over an hour late yo bed....she was tidying her room...but I need to get firmer with her at bedtime for my own sake.

House isn't a pig sty. 30mins tops in each room (lounge, kitchen, bathroom) would make it an invitation friendly place.

We are on a new page so my memory won't let me accurately name check you all so apologies in advance.

Sounds like silvery had a good excuse for a lay in :)
Sorry the HM is rampant nana...I wanted to suggest we all sit on him while you were in Ireland but dare not in case I jinxed it.
helles you are one of my rocks at the moment and I mean that. I genuinely do think sometimes 'if I do xyz helles will be proud of me'
vicar Glad had a good evening. Remember every positive builds confidence. Also glad you had good day at stables.

Waves to everyone else.

Not sure heat to expect from tomorrow. ...I have to do school run which keeps me out of bed and in the fresh air for longer which makes it easier to fight the urge to go back to bed.

On the other hand I have had a comparatively physical day and no nap since weds/Thursday? So could be a catch up day...

Anyways. That's me. Hope everyone else is doing ok...

shakin i totally relate to what you say about work. i just find it so stressful and angst ridden....im not sure what to do anymore - when im good im really good but when im bad i feel such a failure...

terry prachett books are good btw....if you fancy a bit of escapism.

i really must work out what does me good music/book wise....i will endeavour to do that tomorrow.

That's what I'm like Ed - I ascribe it to Inattentive Attention Deficit Disorder (self diagnosed tho!) which is poorly named as once you can get the state (which is Oh so hard) then you can pay attention all right and for longish times. As a runner I was a natural sprinter, and not much good at longer distances that about 200m, I sometimes wonder if this is related in some way or just co-incidence?

ed that truly sounds like progress to me. you should be proud.

i would have definitely gone back to bed tomorrow but work on the garden starts....so i rreckon i wont be able to. will have dog to walk. and it will no doubt be noisy.....

tues im at doctors and then seeing les mis with my pal who has volunteered me as designated driver....weds is occy health appt....
not looking any further than that....

sounds like you did brill today.

i have a few pots in the sink but nothing that wont wait until tomorrow....(sorry helles!

i have ironed DDs uniform and im going to bed in a mo as i am truly shattered.

Oh lord looks like I'm the only one "burning the midnight oil" - just don't fancy going to bed though feel weary. I think it's that thing about fearing what tomorrow will bring - well it is tomorrow but you know what I mean.

Helles there is some mention of you and going to church but I dare not go to previous thread or i'll lose this post and I have to go to bed after this. I agree you are a great motivator on the thread and the "getting out of bed prefect" though I rarely take any notice on a bad day!!

Ed I cannot believe what you have got through, and as you say you have to get up because of small children, and that's why I feel bad about moaning because I don't have small children or any responsibilities really and a loving DP (except for him behaving badly last night and causing a row)

Thank you so much all of you for wanting to kill my HM. I want him to go into a coma and die a very painful death! Someone asked what he looked like. He's snake like and when asleep lies curled at the top of my head and when he starts to stir his body starts travelling down inside my head to about eye level and then he zig zags across my head which produces anxiety and then on bad days he curls himself around the inside of my head (but not across my throat) and he has stick pads on his horrible body which he uses to attach firmly to the inside of my head. He stays in that position as long as he likes and then if I'm lucky he starts to get drowsy and eventually make his way back to the top of my head and sleeps again.

One of my closest friends is an art therapist and she says that's a very powerful image but she won't take it any further as she can't be my therapist, and my friend.

Stevie I see why it is so difficult for you to consult a GP in the practice where you work presumably? But you must know that 1 in 4 peope will suffer from some mental illness at some time in their life and I did read that one third of GP consultations are about mental health, and no one is exempt from suffering a mental illness..............but I think you said they were really good last time you saw a GP - so he/she should be as you work with them. My CPN told me that "something horrible" happened to her about 4 years ago and she suffered from PTSD and was off work for a long time. GPs are ordinary mortals and they must suffer mental illness at times. I think it's people like us who should help break the stigma that is still attached to mental illness which really makes me angry.

You've got a busy week Vicar - still wondering how the evening out went. Let us know how you get on at occy health. Is the GP appt on Tuesday a follow up from the last time you got a sick note. If I remember rightly you didn't have any trouble at all getting a note and so hope you have no trouble this time, cus you're not fit for work are you..............well I know you are trying to decide whether to go back to the police or not. I think you'd need to go back on a very phased basis IF you do decide to go back.

Ah well wonder what tomorrow will bring. I have been onthis emotional roller coaster for over 3 years and I WANT TO GET OFF!!!!! Sorry to moan but I know I can on here.

I'm still awake - forgot ad's this morning and can't settle

I am having trouble playing catch-up. It is lovely to read the posters and to see new people on the thread. there is a lot of positivity.

BF congratulations on DP's bloods results.
NN I am happy to hear that Ireland went well and you had some respite. Naive question, does HM tend to stay at home when you go away anywhere? Liked Ed's suggestions of sitting on HM and have a mental image of this creature being squished under a mountain of people.

Today I had a very relaxed day. DH spent a lot of time with DD and let me unwind by reading and napping. I feel more calm and settled. I did a bit of housecleaning and prepared tomorrow's dinner. I am going to follow other people's good example here and make more of a conscious effort on the house in the next week.

The last week I have been going to sleep earlier. I had three nights of interrupted sleep and (unintentionally) wake up around 5 am every morning which is a bit frustrating. I got back into bed at 6.30 this morning and was able to have a nap which I cannot do during the week or on Saturdays.

PS HB - God loves us because of who God is not because of who we are. Your actions are who you are and who you choose to be and not necessarily a reflection of the other person - you help us and others because this is part of your nature. When going through difficult times (and you still keep on going), I think we all lose a bit of that glow.

no glow just weariness. how stupid to forget ad's

NN I am wondering could some form of imagery be used to help you gain some control over HM? You describe him very vividly. I learnt self-hypnosis a number of years back and was wondering whether this could be useful for you, or some of the other techniques which use visualisation.

for you HB

Morning all...

Guess what? I was out of bed by 7.05!

But I was back by 7.07 after turning on new tv for dd3...

Then getting up at 7.40 was excruciatingly painful...

School run done. Dishwasher empty :) gossip to friend on street. Corner done. 200g chocolate eaten

Going to tip at 11
...so have an hour to tackle lounge and kitchen...

nana you are not a fraud. The fact that I have children forces me to be functional...at the weekend's when I don't have them I can spend 72hrs in bed (apart from loo breaks). A friend once told me that wouldn't be able to have a nervous breakdown because my body wouldn't let me because of the responsibilities I carry as a single parent. Apparently the people that she has known have a nervous breakdown have been in strong relationships etc. Where there is someone to pick up the broken pieces. I don't think this is true. I think that lol everything else there are graduations....first thing to break is all the non important stuff like socialising...hobbies etc. Next to break is the non critical stuff...like hygiene, housework. I got to that point. I was just caring for my and my dcs basic (food, water, education, clean dc clothes) needs. I literally couldn't do anything else if I wanted (some of you were here and pulled me out of that). I think that depending on personal circumstances what is defined as non important and non critical etc. Changes...but there are still there levels where non important functions disappear...non critical functions disappear...all except functions for yourself to survive etc.

I'm now trying to pull myself up to start include some non critical functions in my life....like housework and hygiene.

Hope that makes some sense.

Right....if I can get my jobs done this morning I will treat myself to an afternoon nap. Mondays are traditionally a looonngg day and the treat of a nap might motivate me to do my jobs and protect my day from being a crash and burn day tomorrow.

Back later. Enjoy all :)

hi everyone,
UF no sparkly vision for me (though it sounds quite nice!) i could do some added sparkle.

nana - mama mentioned hypnosis - i also wondered if you had considered this or tried it? You have such a clear vision of HM, it could perhaps put him on a lead....
i reaslly need to phone the mental health team today. im steeling myself.

ed sounds like you have today well planned - well done for getting up. Im with you there - i woke up at about 5.40 and couldnt get back to sleep, then DD was up at 6.30, i got out of bed at about 7.30 and the workmen were here by 8am.

I didnt notice what a tip my house was yesterday - but i surveyed the damage this morning and had to sort it. (well - ive done downstairs so far.....upstairs is worse....)
and i ache like billio after yesterday....i must have used muscles i had no idea i have!

right. im going to go and have a cuppa then phone MH team, and then im going to attempt to clean the bathroom and my bedroom, i might iron DDs ironing pile first. Ive not ironed in months and months....i have baskets of washing everywhere and its getting on my wick....maybe if i just try to tackle a bit daily...

see you all later folks.

Phew.....back in bed for a rest :)

I only sounded organised because neighbours was coming to tip with me so we had pre-arranged time :)

Just finished downstairs....I now feel happy to invite brownie leaders in (wouldn't invite estate agents yet tho!). Vacuumed thru just got 10mins work to do in bathroom...putting shampoos on shelf, wipe sink and bathroom cabinet.

Really pleased with myself. I did to a better standard than I was planning too (hovering behind tv, in between sofa cushions etc. So on a high :)) the more I do tho the shakier I am.

unusual I often go to put milk in my dishwasher...plates in the fridge....I have even been known to find empty packets etc. Back in fridge so you definitely aren't alone.

I don't get sparkles. Sometimes blurry patched which is associated with extreme fatigue. Sounds like something you should get checked tho.

Well done vicar for getting up when you didnt have to :).

Right off for a nap, although I expect utility to bday disturbed by a friend ringing me when she finishes work in 20 mins....might read for 20mins first.

don't iron ed! hang up dry washing and then just iron what you want to wear. it's jumper weather so school shirts don't need doing atm!

Afternoon! Wave to all!

I woke up twice during the night and was fully awake at 0430 DH was happily snoring away . DD was her usual bouncy self and it is lovely to see the smiles and laughter and reminds me of myself as a child. She was good this morning and no tantrums and foot stomping (she is very assertive and we are working on boundaries as she builds her idea of self).

Dishwasher emptied. Soup cooked. Like Ed's cheeky suggestion of chocolate on the list!

To do - ironing, wash pots and pans, tidy kitchen, bedrooms and utility room (feels a bit like cheating as doing the ironing tidies up a lot of the utility room).

NN, I think Ed speaks sense. I find that because I have to do some things, they keep me appearing more functional even though it doesn't feel it on the inside. People are surprised when they hear that I don't feel like I am coping well, or that I don't feel competent because from the outside you can't tell. I might appear a bit off some days, but nothing compared to what I feel.

HB, Stevie - I found Witches Abroad hilarious and Death quite the character. Have you read any of the Percy Jackson Series (Rick Riordan)? Reading does distract me and calm me down. I have discovered the local library and I am making my way through approx. a book a day and am making my way through books I had long wanted to read but never got around to. I am also asking friends for their top recommendations so I can explore other authors a bit.

UA I am glad to hear that you have found a spot in RL that you can go to for support. There is a local MH place but I cannot quite pluck the courage up. I am naturally shy but on a good day am quiet but confident and this carries me through what I need to do. I have a meeting with my counsellor this week and have asked about local resources etc that are accessible to me. She will have a good hold on this and can help steer me I hope.

Just a thought - can one invest oneself too heavily into their job? It seems that a number are/were in jobs they loved but found it too stressful for a variety of reasons. Can one become too attached to their work for whatever reasons that it generates stress? Not sure if I am making sense or just wittering.

Vicar what are you planning for the garden? I am not a gardener but I do love pretty gardens. More of a wilderness person than excessively neat borders; I also make sure we have a well-stocked herb patch wherever we go. The scents are wonderful and I like to use herbs in my cooking. I am thinking of mixing herb and flower beds together. Herbs are also pretty resilient and some have interesting features or blooms.

excuse me while i just pop back here for a little rant.

I am meant to be driving tomorrow to take some people to my friends in another city and im at Occy health on Weds which is a good hours drive away.

Just got in from a friends who i love dearly but im slightly cross - she was sent home from work with D & V but had locked herself out of the house. She called me to help and i offered to go get the keys from where she left them but she wanted me with her as she was feeling so poorly.

so ive been there, got her inside and then run an errand, she clearly had noro virus - if i get it over the next 2 days im going to be stuck. I think it was slightly selfish if im honest but she was panicking and needed me.

Ive no idea why she just didnt let me go get her keys and bugger off....im scared to eat now in case i end up throwing up.

(the errand was for her btw....i had to down tools and go)