we were all in the bed, this is the 2nd thread....roll over! roll over!

[ThatVikRinA22]

so we all rolled over and hellebelles told us to get our arses out of bed......

ive started a new one because there are only a few posts left on the old thread before it gets full.

nana ive described myself on the old thread just for you!

so.

nana hellesbelles mama ed silvery and basset and any one else who posted on the old thread or who relates to our experiences and wants to post on the new one....welcome to the new thread.

old one here

Oops, forgot - good morning all! Level 3 here as the crisis team are coming in the next hour (approx).

Good morning all.

mama I love your post. So insightful. The sort of thing I need to print and pin on my fridge. Sod the hugs...can you come and live my life for me???

Hope vicar didn't post yesterday cos she was too shattered from a positive day at the stables.

I have decided that today is going to be a positive day. And I am defining my positives in relative terms..as more functional than yesterday.

I am off to get up and put some washing on the radiator. While I am up I will do something houseworky and I will crochet 3 pigs trotters.

I'm not keen on this drugged up feeling - night meds keep me drugged til 11am, and they've added more antipsychotic to the morning, so that will drug me most of the rest of the day :(

I'm going to have a lie down.

Level 1 and gleefully in my pajamas although that will have to change soon.

I had two rebellious moments last week when there were two errands that needed done. The impulse was to delay getting them done. I made myself do them and it made me feel like I had regained some control. Not major tasks but it made me feel different.

ER I can't live your life for you. I am not ER! And I am still trying to make sense of my own current situation. Mental health, worrying and stress are physically tiring and the mind will need some rest too. Maybe part of the naps, sleep, curling up in a cosy spot is how we try to give ourselves time to heal. Like everything though it needs to move towards balance.

SnowyMouse many hugs and keep up with things. I'll be honest I don't know much about medication or treatment regimens - would the anti psychotics at the current dose be used to manage things and then it gets lowered?

Hugs to all.

I think Vicar mentioned she would be busy at the stables and out for dinner; hope it was enjoyable and relaxing.

Book recommendation - there are some chapters which may be useful for others - chapters 7 to 36 (short chapters) - which deal with recovery, management of symptoms and treatment. It is about PTSD but I think there are some generally good things to help eg anxiety, caring for self.

The post-traumatic stress disorder sourcebook
Second edition
Glenn R Schiraldi

That's a good question, I need to ask them that.

I napped for an hour, I think that's ok.

Thanks for the book recommendation.

PS I forgot to thank you; I am glad if my earlier post helped.

ER the other thing I found useful is to give myself some slack. Ooops I didn't the laundry yesterday but it wasn't the end of the world. Get the laundry done today - life still stays on track. You needed a bit of downtime but don't overcompensate as a consequence of that. Redistribute your efforts and rest/relaxation. It is helping me to relearn good habits and to feel more balanced and with it (whatever it happens to be).

Good evening all!

Crisis team have just gone, now I need to hope that the discussions between cmht and them are productive and result in me staying at home.

How's everyone doing? I've been thinking of you all, prepping for the coming week.

Have had a lovely weekend away

now have loads to catch up on and house is a tip.
but at least I had to fettle car (oil, clean windscreen at least ) which I'd been not doing for quite some time - just wasn't getting round to it, though somewhere on my list)

evening all - just catching up on the posts of last couple of days. MK thank you for that post - very insightful and yes - i need to do some soul searching.
Im waiting for inspectors visit - im dreading it but will need to really quantify what it is i think would help me return to work. (i wish i knew...)

yesterday was busy but a good day - at stables all day, home, quick shower and out for dinner with DH, the kids and DDs boyfriend.

was back at stables again today. keeps my mind off everything else to a huge extent.

Taking DS back to uni tomorrow. back at GP tuesday. I am trying so hard not to think too much about returning to work as i will just get so anxious.

im sorry - im waffling but i will read the last couple of days posts...

snowy im sorry your are feeling ill effects from the increased drugs - but i think you need to try them and give them a chance to see if they improve your mood and thoughts.

ed - sorry you are having a down time too, and NN also sorry to see you are trapped by HM....hang on to thoughts that he will sod off....he always does.

hugs/love to everyone else - will be back when ive caught up a bit.
x

Evening all.

Todays resume:

Positive by the standards I set myself this morning (ie better than yesterday)
Positive by helles standards (ie stayed out if bed all day :o)
Positive by everyone else on threads standards (ie I had a reasonably well paced and predominantly peaceful day. Bit of crochet (am making a little piglet hence the trotters). Bit of reading. Bit of wii. Bit of tv. Bit of shopping. Bit of laundry. Sounds a lot but like I say hopefully it was evenly spread thru day so I don't crash too deep.

Have quite a lot of must dos tomorrow...going to put them here a) as a reminder and b) so you can shout at me tomorrow when I refuse to get out of bed. ..

Tax car...only just realised overdue so I think I have to go to post office instead of online (?) Which I think means I have to find paper copies of documents...gulp...

Bath/shower

Prep brownie meeting

Pay some bills/text apologies

Gulp...another busy day then....and my house is a tip...

Once again huge hugs to those that are struggling...going to read for a bit then settle early.

Good morning all.

Good luck with the catchup, silvery. Good luck with taking DS back, vicar. NanaNina, I hope the HM is going away today. Doing little bits of things is supposed to help, I think it's called behavioral activation.

I've got a nurse appointment this morning, in town.

Good morning.

Feeling positive.

Feeling awake

Today is going to be a good day :)

I hope the BA helps you, Ed

I'm just back from town, feeling on edge but trying not to act on things, CPN coming later this afternoon.

Good afternoon!

I have had the oddest feeling the last few days of being a bit more like myself in that I am normally cautiously optimistic i.e. I am positive but aware of how things may not work out and can mentally prepare for whatever happens. It is a bit worrisome because whenever I slip back a bit it feels so much worse for it but I am going to try to ignore that and enjoy things as they are and just keep an even keel rather than getting too happy if that makes sense.

Jobs for today - ironing, cooking a risotto which DD adores, bit of house tidy and then on the relaxation side - reading, a nap (I didn't sleep so well last night), and perhaps call my Dad who has been a bit unwell (he is okay.... old age catching up and he needs to be more gentle with himself as he ages).

Snowy I hope the appointment is positive and that the trip into town is good.

Edwinia your posts have made me smile. You actually did quite a bit yesterday when you think about it and it was a mixture of work and play. I hope it's a good day again today; you do have quite the little list going on there!

Silvery glad to hear that you had a good weekend away and to see you grinning like a Cheshire cat .

Vicar not sure if this will make sense - maybe don't think about the job but think about you first (?). Also, you write that thinking about returning to work, the inspector's visit etc makes you anxious - is there a way you can anticipate the feelings this provokes and perhaps try to rationalise why it makes you feel this way? I am not sure if I can write this coherently but I find that acknowledging my feelings before being in a situation that will bring them to the surface sometimes helps as it has been anticipated, acknowledged and maybe lessened before it happens because I know it is going to happen and I feel more in control.

UA it's very brave that you are managing to speak about your ex and it heartens me that your current DH is supportive and caring. I was glad to hear that you have access to people you can work well with. Take care of yourself. Big hug xxx I really cannot comment on your earlier post about bipolar but I do find that in my situation with PTSD (which is an anxiety disorder related to trauma), emotion management can get a bit wonky and I have been working on trying to stabilise this (and hopefully my current more optimistic phase is a reflection that things are coming forward; I am a little nervous though). Just a thought.

NanaNina (tracks down and sends a mongoose for the HM) and BassetFeet (I really do hear a pitter patter and today I see a little wagging tail) I hope that today is a bit more gentle with you.

Good luck with the implant Helles. I think you are quite sweet rallying us all around and telling us to get up and out of bed. It's like having a little mother.

Waves and sends a to all

Snowy sorry to hear that; I took too long writing my long post.

CPN turned up today with no knowledge of the past week's happenings, so not a useful meeting. Ho hum.

Argggggggghhhhhh can I scream???

Please do! What's up?

oh snowy that really shouldn't happen. One of the things service users have often complained about is having to tell their story over and over again - which brings back the memory of course I think things are better round here (Tees, Esk and Wear Valley Trust) than they used to be.

Do you draw at all? That can sometimes be helpful, whatever your standard :)

Ed?

snowy that cpn sounds most unhelpful. Truly a waste of time! And it must be frustrating for you.

mama ir sounded like you has quite a busy day planned - how did ir go?

ed daré I ask how the diary went?

vicar yy to trying to dig beneath your surface anxiety about starting the procesa for going back to work. what os ir you fear could happen? for me, it was not being able to cope. I jad got better in one routine, in one set of surroundings and I was terrified that I would slip back. Long time ago now!

ua you were so brave talking about it - mt ex raped me anally once and it was the worst betrayal of trust as well as exceptionally painful. ser, you've inspired me to tell you about it - I've never told anyone before.

hello all others - hope today has been a good day.

just realised why my predictive text wasn't working. I had managed to switch to espanol!

today started with tears because I had been unprofessional towards a colleague. I had switched the lights on in the support base (it was very dark) when I came in and she told me that was rude. I said she could switch them off if she must and then told her it was rude to constantly criticise one person (it happens frequently not constantly and sometimes she's nice but she does seem to pull up my faults but not those of others) I SHOULD have said, this is a workplace and I need light to work (she was sitting chatting). anyway, I hate snapping at people so went off for quiet time and had a chat with the school counsellor. I apologised (by email - coward!) and she apologised (also by email!)

however, the rest of the day was fine - even good in places.

I have an appointment now for switching my implant and one to discuss referral for a cbt refresher. determined to get well again now I've got it dissed

Ah well, I need to wait and see what is said tomorrow. Thanks for the comforting words, much appreciated.

Ed, are you ok?

Yeah im ok. Bad argument with friend. Lots of anxiety about brownies.

Will update properly later. But I'm ok now.

evening everyone.

snowy - thats shit. and typical. having to just sit and recount everything over and over isnt helpful at all - they should at least make the flaming effort to find out what you are trying to cope with and what your problems are.

ed - hope you are ok.
much love and positive thoughts for everyone else.

i slept this morning - i felt so tired again but i think i needed it, i got up and saw DD out but went back to bed, woke at 9.50, thought id better get up and then fell back asleep until 11....got up in a hurry and walked dog.

took DS back to uni and that sucked up most of the afternoon. Had to contact our local police as someone egged my house at weekend - DD is being targeted by bullies at school and they have been boasting it was them. no proof but logged as criminal damage as its marked the brand new block paving - a bloody week old and already looks awful now. at least they missed the car but tbh the car is 12 years old and on reflection might have been better had they hit that. It wont wash off. its been scrubbed but wont come off.

feel so sorry for dd - she is getting alot of stick from these 3 bullies but most of her year is standing up for her, 15 yr old girls who are out of parental control are the pits. DD is trying to stay dignified and is worried about me making anything worse. She is a popular girl but quiet and sensible. Im keeping a close eye on things....ive a good mind to go and see the ringleaders mother...(.preferably when im back in uniform and can get my police head on....)

talking of which....
my plan is to see gp tomorrow and tell her that while there is nothing firm in place i will require another sick note. as soon as i have something concrete - a plan for my return - i will go back. for this i need to see inspector. im dreading it. i dont want to go back at all. Occy health have surprised me in their uselessness really - i thought they would act as go between a bit more and put recommendations in place - in reality they just write reports on what i say and send them back to manager - seems pretty pointless in the great scheme of things. What i want im going to have to barter for with manager anyway - i thought they would help me in that but they arent.

senior manager will no doubt be out this week. I feel like a naughty school girl seeing the headmaster.

i could go to stables next couple of days - am going weds anyway. Got ENT appt on thursday.

i feel like im more "normal" but im scared of sinking back into the same black hole as soon as i go back to work. i know the group i work on dont help me.
what i need is to move back to supportive station but go part time. sounds simple.
it wont be.