TSP... I see the tinsel has come down. I like the name; it's fun, with a bit of mischief and a hint of glamour. I have been following threads such as those and each time somebody makes a step forward I am so proud of them for caring for themselves. When you go through this process it strips your sense of self. The extra rests in bed have helped me to give me space and command rest time for me. Just me. It's helped in some of the mindset. I am allowed to care for me. I am important.
Once I was no longer at work, and beginning the process of digesting what had happened, I followed three main areas - relationships, mental health and employment issues. All relevant but it was difficult to decide where to post. Vicar's first thread helped me accept where I was mentally at and to realise it's okay (well not really) and that there are many people figuring out life. I saw the ups and downs, the difficulties, the pain, but also the support. Yes, I have recognized the behavior for what it is but accepting that I stayed and let him do this makes me feel stupid. Why on earth would anybody do that? I dud have my reasons and was blinded by the love of the research I had developed over the last decade.
Vicar, many thanks fir your supportive words. They are correct but sometimes when you go through this you are left disoriented. You know it makes sense but it somehow doesn't click. I will never forget my first counseling session. I got into the car and locked the doors. I felt so scared because I had described the actions of somebody who could not be completely correctly wired.
When I left the workplace, there was a lot of confusion because it was very odd. I am not sure what people were told - I think there's been a gagging order - but what cams back to me was that nobody was aware of any problems. There were a couple if stories that did reach my ears and people could not make sense of them as it didn't sound like me. Getting people to cone forward is very tricky. He had told me of accusations by other researchers who said that he had gotten friendly and basically poached their work. Why tell an employee that? He also told me about a few things he had claimed to have done and which were not moral.
The counsellor seems to think it was personal. I will actually ask her how she sees that. He would make accusations about what I was thinking and there was no point in denying them. I was not allowed to express my opinion and even if I did he apparently knew me better. Writing this makes me realuse how messed up he is. The only way I can describe his behaviour is hellbent.
There was one ex coworker who I knew there were problems with. There was another incident where he used the denial scenario. Not just me but he never went after anybody with the same intensity.
He is scary. His behaviour is obsessive. He was relentless fir destruction. I felt like he wasn't satisfied until he had buried me and jumped on my grave. Seeing me is a reminder I am still here. He knows I know. He knows what hr has done. After I left he probed a few people to ask if I had reported him to HR or the Human Rights office. It made me think he knew what he had done. When I act fairly, I do not fear repercussions. It could be an unpopular decision but if it is fair and respectful, I stand by it and I think a lot of people probably feel that way. He knows what he does and what he is. There's at least 30+ yrs left in his career and he should not be allowed to ever do this again.