Driving away

[Pumble]

I don't know where to post this and don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying again with my 5 week old dd2 and just know that the best thing I could do for both of my girls is to get in the car and drive. If dd2 ever goes to sleep that is what I must do. I won't be leaving them alone and it will break my heart but it's what will be best for them. They deserve so much better than the useless failure of a mother they have.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to feel less alone

Lovely pumble. Put them both somewhere safe, close the door and make yourself a and drink it before you go back into them. They will be ok but you need a few minutes to yourself.

You have done brilliantly without Mr P and he'll be back soon. Big hug.

Hi pumble, can you bundle them into the buggy and out to the park or something?

Your dh must be back from his trip soon, you have done so well without him. You should be v proud of yourself but it's not surprising you're getting to the end of your tether after a long time with no time for yourself.

Fingers crossed they're calmer soon.

P2 will go to sleep eventually, even if just out of exhaustion from crying. P1 will be ok left on her own for 10 mins, even if she screams the whole time.

Please try to get out of the room for 10 mins, just breathe and try to close your eyes and calm yourself. It's impossible when they're in your eyeline.

Hope they calm down too, xxxx

One calms for five seconds and then the other sets them off again.... Pumblett 1 is just calling for her daddy....

He should be back for bedtime tomorrow.

Buggy would have been a great idea but pumblett 1 doesn't use one and she's too tired/grumpy to be on foot.

I don't know why I've fallen apart today-pathetic really!

Not pathetic - just feeling overwhelmed. So many of us have been there - seriously, just a 10 minute break can make you feel so much saner.
Preferably with a and a or three.

Possibly because you know you're almost there and Mr P will be home soon. You've done so well, truly.

Maybe you're struggling because you've been holding it together for so long and just need a break?

The end is in sight! You have done really well to get through the last couple of weeks. Do you have some time off planned for when you dh is back?

I've just put pumblett 2 in her cot screaming away whilst I'm in with pumblett 1 who is screaming and sobbing calling for her daddy. I feel awful about pumblett 2 but I can't hold her at the moment-the screaming is too much

Thank you for being here and stopping me walking out the door

Hello lovely

I echo what others have said. My DBIL used to work away a lot, and my DSis always had a torrid time with the children just before he was due back.

Massive squeezy hugs from me followed by more and

I don't know if you've had the time / inclination to read back through this thread, but you have come a very long way since your first post. You should be proud of yourself :)

My other survival tactic- would pumblett 1 calm down with cbeebies or favourite DVD?

I'm getting to a point where I might just put them in the car and drive up and down the m40

I've never known them scream like it. They're so unhappy. Why can't I hold it together. Why am I such a failure? Proper mums don't fall apart when their children scream.

You're not a failure. Proper mums do fall apart when their children scream.

Big hugs xxx

There is nothing wrong with putting them in the car and driving around. It may well work wonders, especially with pumblett2.

It's worth a shot - load them up and see how it goes.

And yes, 'proper' mums absolutely do fall apart - especially the ones with PND, who've been on their own with two small DC for a loooong fortnight!!!

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!

(I'm not shouting, just telling you firmly )

You really, really aren't. You have two children under 3, are coping with PND & have husband away, I'm not surprised you are having a bit of a wobble.

Just read back to the start of this thread & see how far you have come.

I hope by now you are zooming along the M40 with both Pumblettes fast asleep in the back of the car.

Only 24 hours to go until Mr P is home .

Will pop inhere later to see how it's all going.

Good tactic to drive. If both asleep, stop and listen to the radio. I agree, you can see the finishing post of DH home and so feel wobbly. Every mum has days like this, and they end with DCs in bed and you exhausted on the sofa but tomorrow is another day, a good day, with warmer weather too.

You have done brilliantly by the look of it. I only started coming on the message boards when i saw your story a week ago, and was captivated by your strength and progress. Keep going.

You are absolutely not a failure, even mums who don't have PND fall apart sometimes - we're all only human. I know I would find two weeks on my own with two under two an enormous challenge and I have three dcs myself.

You are incredibly hard on yourself, please try to stop and think how far you have come since you first posted, the fact that you are still here fighting your way through is proof positive that you are anything but a failure.

By the way, I remember reading a report once that stated that a screaming baby/child is as stressful as having a pneumatic drill on full power next to your head - it blocks your ability to think straight and is designed to make you move faster out of desperation to make the noise stop. It would be a very rare person who could cope with it for a prolonged period with one child, let alone two of them going full pelt.

You have managed two whole weeks on your own with two very young dcs, you should be proud of yourself. Only one more day to go - hang in there.

Hey Pumble, was a bit when I saw you'd shot up Active Conversations again.

Proper mums do all sorts of things to get them through bad days, up to and including locking themselves in the loo, crying a lot, and going on MN to ask for hand holding.

How's things now?

xx DRB

Writing in haste as doing tea but wanted to say we are all still here. Not much sleeping in the car but at least silence and then a little fresh air with no screaming too.

Just got to get them tucked up in bed asleep now... Deep breaths! Am currently feeling a lot calmer though - the screaming just really got to me.

Thank you so much for helping me through this afternoon-it made SUCH a difference.

Fingers crossed for bedtime...

Just keep on saying to yourself that this is last solo bedtime.

You've coped amazingly - you really are a star.

Roll on tomorrow!

Oh Pumble. I haven't read all of your thread yet (but I will). Have read the first couple of pages and this one and I recognise SO many of the things you say. I have two children and found it extremely difficult to cope when they were little. Like you, I felt a strong urge to run for the hills so many times! I had PND too and some of my memories of my children's early years are quite painful, unfortunately. However, things DID get better, month by month, year by year. My DCs are 7 and 5 now. I am still nowhere near the mum I'd like to be (and the mum I envisaged I'd be); I still feel like an epic failure some of the time, but we're all doing ok. And despite my tears and rage in the early years, the DCs love me very much and still say I'm the best mum in the world.

You will get through this. Take one hour at a time. I second what others have said about doing whatever you need to do to get through. Locking yourself in a room for a while is fine; I think many of us have done that, PND or not!

Sending love.

Got anything nice planned for tomorrow before DH comes home? Trip out to the park or somewhere to pass the time?

The pumbletts and I are all still alive! After today I consider this massive achievement!

Am absolutely shattered though. Am so hoping they settle this evening so I can get to bed early!

Thank you so so so much for all your support. Thank you