Borderline Personality Disorder

[frillynat81]

Hi there...

Just thought I'd start a new thread to see if there are any mumsnetters with BPD who'd like to come chat, share how they're feeling, coping techniques, experiences etc.

x

Honestly, I think you need to be really really careful. The side effects can be incredibly nasty, can last a while, and the jump back to 'non-medicated' can be huge.

My care coordinator is watching me closely through it so seeing how it goes.

Hi. Got diagnosis from psychiatrist today, unexpected. Felt very emotional reading all the symptoms as it made some way into explaining some of my behaviours and confusing responses. Marking place. Hi all :)

Hope the side effects ease off soon, then Queen.

Welcome Dippy. It can be a strange balance of comforting and upsetting when you first get diagnosed. Know you're not alone.

I'm having a really bad night. Really bad.

Are you ok sirboobalot?

Dippy I remember that feeling v well. Give yourself some time to get your head around it :)

I'm okay now. Had a shit evening; got all ragey about things with Twat again, then got upset about it, blah blah blah. Drank too much, which is never a good idea (silly impulsive behaviors...) then had nightmares until 4am! Hoping for a better night tonight, ha!

How is everyone?

That sounds crappy, that shitbag really doesnt deserve your headspace :(

I'm ok... Still shattered because cunt face neighbour has been leaving the dogs again. His latest trick was even more pathetic though. He's at war with another of our neighbours and so decided to superglue the poor guys door lock so he couldn't get into his flat. Obviously him, but not enough proof to get him done for it. Last time they were at war he had paint thrown over his car and his lounge and bedroom windows smashed and bragged about it, but he's being a bit smarter this time. Just waiting for him to do something to us now, it's making me feel quite paranoid and anxious tbh.

Jesus no wonder you're feeling anxious. Wish I could be of some help.

I know he doesn't deserve my headspace, but you know how it is. I'm dwelling, because I'm hurt, and I'm angry because he not only screwed me over, but he was involved in my son's life. And that makes me feel shitty. Thankfully DS hasn't mentioned him much, and when he has, it's not been in a "Where is ?" way, but in a "We did that with .", which I acknowledge as I would with anyone else being mentioned.

Are you anything like me, I tend to go over and over and over it all in my head trying to work out where they were wrong and where I was wrong? And trying to work out why every single little bit happened? Then I end up reliving the hurt and anger again and again. And I know it doesn't benefit me in any way, but i do it every time I have a problem with someone.

I can understand why you are so angry, but im glad your ds seems ok with it all.

YES. That's exactly what I'm doing. And every time I think about the times I worked for him, I'm wondering who he was fucking. Not productive.

Ugh it sucks. I see friends with the ability to let things like that go and just can't understand it. I'm trying to teach myself that some people are just messed up and no matter what I do these things were going to happen.

About wondering who he was fucking and when, you have got to question whether it's going to benefit you in any way. You already know he was a cheating sack of crap, and thinking like that is just going to make it more and more painful. At the end of the day you trusted him and he abused that, but it doesn't mean that you should be looking for the exact times that trust was incorrect. He was in the wrong for what he did, you weren't wrong for trusting him if you see what I mean.

My neighbour has just knocked again, he had the lock fixed and it's been done AGAIN, he is locked out of his flat again. Really starting to worry what cunt face neighbour is going to do to us. I'm starting to worry about going out incase we can't get back in, or what if it's worse than that? I really don't need this stress :(

Jesus Heffa :( You really don't need this. Is there any way at all you can move? HB? He sounds horrible.

No, you're right, it won't achieve anything. Found out he won an award this week, I nearly text him to congratulate him, then decided fuck it.

Have had a good day, though had that annoying 'casually thinking about suicide' a lot thing going on. Blaming it on hormones.

We could probably just about afford to move if we really scrimp, but we can't afford to move twice. The housing association will only be able to offer us a 1 bed until baby is here, then we would have to move again. It's just not possible. I'm just hoping that it all dies down now.

I do the casual thoughts of suicide too. Just keep an eye on them because when it starts making sense you need to challenge them. Well done for not texting him! It's so hard to break contact, but it's definitely for the best.

Hope you don't mind me dropping by. I'm utterly convinced my 16 year old dd has this, she has pretty much all the text book symptoms. I adopted her from the care system at 7.5 years. She was emotionally, sexually and physically abused by birth family and had many moves in and out of care as a youngster. She has always had dramatic mood swings, under threat of permanent exclusion from school for fighting and pushes all her friends away after a few months (but picks up new ones ok). Having said all of this, she is also funny, affectionate and good company. She has been on concerta and risperidone for ADHD symptoms for the past 3 years. She sees a clinical psychologist at school and her behaviour at home and school have improved dramatically since being on the meds. However she has now finished school and is in the middle of her gcses and thinks are going downhill rapidly. She does not do endings (the exams don't seem to be stressing her unduly, it's the finishing of school she can't do). She has recently gone to stay with a friend for 3 days because she can't cope being at home, then when back tried to OD on antibiotics and ended up in a and e where a psychiatrist was considering hospitalisation, then last week drank all the alcohol in the house (she does not usually touch it) and ended up in a and e again. That time it was because her school psychologist told her she was leaving and she couldn't cope with more endings. I hate seeing her spiral out of control like this but my natural position is a sympathetic 'pull yourself together' approach and I don't think that's helping. On the other hand I don't want give her lots of positive attention for behaviour I do feel she has a degree of control over. Anyone got any advice for how I can help her through the next few weeks?

Olive that sounds so hard for you :( For what it's worth, I did similar at the end of school (wasn't that long ago, I've just turned 22), for the same reasons, I couldn't cope with endings. I'm not good with change, and certainly not good with such dramatic upheaval as ending school.

I'm sure you know that the majority of BPD sufferers are abusive survivors of some kind, so it wouldn't be too surprising if she was a Borderline, given the trauma she's been through. Have you been able to discuss this possibility with her psych at all? Feel rather angry that the psych didn't deal with her needs if she was just told that she was leaving, and a 'withdrawal' process wasn't put into place, as is normally recommended with Borderlines.

Does she have plans for over the summer / in September? Making some steps towards preparing for those could be good; clothes shopping, equipment, applying for a part time job?

There are a few books that I could recommend to you if that would be of help, one in particular has a great section on coping as a loved one. Would also gently ask if you're receiving any support yourself, as this must be so hard for you.

The 'safety' steps; making sure she has no access to things she could use to injure herself (sorry to be so blunt), lock all alcohol away, medication in somewhere she can't access. Make sure if she goes to stay at friend's again, they're aware of the situation, and do the same.

Speak to the school as it may be possible for her to gain 'special circumstances' for her grades.

Much love to you.x

Thanks SirBoob (great name btw). She had already had a goodbye meeting with psych but when she OD SS asked the psych to see her again and hence the announcement that started the alcohol meltdown. It was the psych that thought she had caused it and when I asked dd, she agreed so I'm sure the psych has her suspicions but dd too young to diagnose I think.
I did wonder about asking for special circumstances for her exams but school are great and dd has a statement so I'm sure they have it in hand and actually the exams seem to be going quite well, she's reasonably prepared (I'm a teacher and have been chipping away at the revision with her for many months!) and is a B/C student so should get enough to stay on at school if she wanted which unfortunately she doesn't. She has applied for a few college courses but I'm very worried that she will either drop out or not turn up in the first place due to her anxiety about change. She also won't get on a bus by herself, she gets a cab, paid for through her statement, to school, so I've no idea how we are going to get her to college...but that's another headache for another day.

I would love to know what books you would recommend. I've just looked on amazon but didn't know where to start.

Oh...there's now no alcohol left in the house and the meds are hidden. Trying to decide whether to hide the knives but dd would get stroppy when she discovered a lack of knives (knowing that i thought she might harm herself with them)which would probably cause another spiralling and she would do something I hadn't considered!

SirBoob I have PM'd you. I didn't realise you were 22 - im 23.

Heffa - your neighbour is a cunty bastard of the highest order and anyone would find your situation difficult, not even considering that you are pg and have BPD!

Olive - sorry to hear about your dd's struggle. I was showing classic bpd behaviour from the age of 14 but wasnt diagnosed until 21, they like to see if it's just a phase or if the problems continue. It sounds cheesy but the most you can do is offer her your unconditional love and support. And keep trying when you want to run for the hills and give up. It's so much more important to be that support than be the one to question what behaviour she can and can't control. In time she will work out what's right/wrong and healthy/damaging, we all have. Its terrifying having bpd and not understanding it, you have no idea why everyone else sees the world in a different way and why you feel everything so much more acutely than others. Every experience can be heartbreakingly painful, so the more you try to understand that, the more you can help her, which you so obviously want to do. I wish both myself and my family had known about BPD when I first became unwell, I think things could have gone so differently.

Unicorn - I'm 23 too by the way! And yes he is the sort of scumbag that takes scumbaggery to a whole new level. I refuse to be beaten though.

Hi again. Lost this thread somehow. Sorry some of you are going through such shit. I had a parade of crap for the last three years but lots of little encourages keep dropping in front of me now. Son just diagnosed with aspergers so more head space on him and less on my own diagnosis yet. Can I ask, how long or how many sessions did a psychiatrist spend wit h you to give a diagnosis or strong suggestion of a disorder?

BPD Demystified is by far the best book on BPD on the market, in my humble opinion. It's written by a psych, but he has personal involvement (sister), so his knowledge doesn't seem 'hollow', which sometimes puts me off. There is a fabulous 'carers' section in this one.

This was the first book I read on BPD. Parts of it are hard to swallow, but the way it is written is comforting at the same time.

This one I haven't read personally, but was mentioned a while ago, and it might be helpful for you.

I have the first two here, if you would like to borrow them before buying a copy yourself, then I'm happy to post them to you.

Dippy - welcome back :) Sorry to hear about DS's diagnosis, but hopefully it will become a helpful tool for you both. My diagnosis was under question for several years, but they tend not to like diagnosing under 18. Was down as 'suspected' from quite early on though, I think.

I'm really overwhelmed by the world today. Eugh.

hi all. my dd18 has recently been diagnosed with bpd following two short term admissions onto the mental health assessment unit. She was threatening suicide, was very depressed and her self harming was getting worse. This is a bloody difficult illness to live with and I am starting to get worn out with it all. Our family life is non existent and it feels like we are living in constant drama with no room for anything much apart from dd and her illness. Now its been diagnosed properly it seems to have got worse and she has given up her job, driving lessons although her social life is improving a tiny bit. Friends seem to be quite understanding but they're not living with it 24/7! I am hoping that I can learn to understand her behaviour a bit better by coming on here and talking to other sufferers - hope you don't mind!

She suffered from a lot of bullying at school, has low self esteem and has had some very dodgy boyfriends. One of her ex boyfriends raped her a couple of years ago and thats when the bpd started to creep in.

Any tips on the best and kindest way to look after her would be much appreciated.

Thanks for reading

Flora - I'd recommend starting with the books I linked to in my last post. Do try and remember that as hard as it is for you to live with, it's not something she can control right now. Is she getting any BPD-specific treatment?

I had a package arrive anonymously in the post this morning, freaked me out. Opened it and it was something relevant to Twat. So I went and asked him if it was from him, or if he'd given my address to someone. He said it was from him, he'd been given it for me the other day, so had stuck it in the post. Then made a big fuss saying he'd been worrying about it arriving in one piece. No you weren't dickhead, right now you want me to fawn over you and thank you for being so kind. So... I didn't even say thank you. Just clarified that he hadn't given my address to anyone. I then - through sheer habit - congratulated him on an award I knew he'd won this week. He thanked me, and then started to talk about it, as if nothing had happened. I closed down the conversation by only replying with "Oh right. Well. Goodbye.". Think I handled things quite well, considering.

Have been really down the last two days, not sure exactly what's going on with me. Am trying to be patient with myself though as there's a lot of crap that's going on right now, and I forget sometimes how overwhelmed I get by seemingly inconsequential things. Deep breaths.

SirBoob - thanks for replying. She is on 40mg of fluoxetine daily and having cbt and psychotherapy. Didn't know there was specific bpd treatment. How would we access it? Gp is sympathetic but pretty useless and the psych at the hospital was disinterested at best and keeps referring her back to cbt which I think is inappropriate at the moment and is causing lots of stressing out about getting right and not letting the therapist down!
Sorry you are down at the mo. Hopefully better times to come.