Managing depression/anxiety through psychotherapy without ADs - please help

[Lottapianos]

I have been seeing a psychotherapist weekly for over 2 years. I'm trying to come to terms with emotional abuse in my childhood and estrangement from my parents. Therapy is helping me to take some more control over my life and remove myself from the horribly toxic relationship with my parents. In short, it's helping hugely and I dont' want to stop but it is gruelling. The pain is dreadful.

I am currently depressed and very anxious. I have seen GP who prescribed ADs. I haven't taken them. I discussed my reasons for wanting to take them with my therapist - she didn't tell me not to take them but said she thinks it is a pattern I have learned. I wasn't allowed to have feelings or to express my opinions within my family so I have gotten used to shoving all of my feelings into a box and sitting on the lid, and trying to put it away. I'm now feeling things that I had shut away years ago and it is just so painful that I want it to stop. This makes total sense to me. I understand what she is saying. I know why I am depressed and anxious and I feel deep down tha this is something I just have to go through.

But I'm sick of feeling so upset. I had to come home from work yesterday because everything was making me angry. I cried for hours when I got home. Coping is such a struggle.

I don't know what to do. Does anyone have experience of managing strong feelings through psychotherapy/counselling? How did it feel for you? Are you glad you did it? Thank you for reading

:) that sounds brilliant! Glad you're feeling better now.

Alcohol IS a depressant, so cutting it out for the moment until you're better can only be a good thing :)

Glad you're feeling more positive Lotta...
Do you have many rl people to chat to about all this? I totally get where youre coming from re the crippling loneliness when it seems no one else can possibly understand what you are going through.

For a long time noone except my DP knew I was in therapy and I found it so exhausting keeping up the facade of 'perfection' with everyone else! I've recently started to be more open about my problems with select friends / family and it's been a big relief - feels a lot more 'real'.

For so many years I was the supportive friend to others who never admitted to having any problems of her own but Ive realised this facade will not necessarily attract the kindest people IYSWIM - ie people who are takers rather than givers...

Take care and keep doing nice things for yourself!

Thanks horror I do talk to my DP about how I'm feeling and he is very supportive. He wants to fix my problems and he worries that he doesn't 'do' anything for me but I tell him that just not filling me up with platitudes about how 'things will get better' and 'don't cry' and 'chin up' is the best thing he could ever do! I just need a safe place to have a good sob sometimes and he copes with it well.

I speak to a couple of friends and they are very sympathetic. I'm very wary about who I speak to about how I'm feeling because the last thing I want to hear from people is a load of guff about how 'we all get the blues' or how I should 'take more exercise' because that just makes me want to murder them with pins! None of my colleagues know apart from my line manager (who was very supportive). I know exactly what you mean about feeling more real though. I was brought up to always put on a happy face, trust no-one, confide in no-one and never let anyone see the truth. It's been hard to let go of that and part of me feels a bit mortified about DP seeing me in such a state but I'm trying to go with it and remind myself that there is no shame in asking for help. And it appears that if you have a good old sob and a good old moan, the world doesn't actually come to an end and you may even end up feeling better - there's a thought!

Hi lotta,

Just wondering how you've been this week - hope you're still feeling those positive vibes! [hsmile]
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