I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guilty08]

I have PND and i had to come off of my last tablets as i had horrific side effects, I am now on new tablets to try. I feel like an experiment to see how my body will react to the tablets as opposed to recieving help.

My HV came round AFTER 7 MONTHS OF ME ASKING and told me that i was looking after my baby wrong and that i should do something about my PND (I had already gone to the GP and just started taking my anti-depressants) She told me things that i need to change so i changed EVERYTHING i done EVERYTHING she wanted me too and it wasnt an easy ride, I had an unhappy baby because his routine was completely changed. She said she would come and see me in 2 weeks, 2 WEEKS AGO! I rang and said i was expecting a visit and the HV's said that they would get back to me I HAVE HEARD NOTHING.

I cant stop eating! I am 21 stone and 22 years old. I WANT to change but i seriously cant stop eating!

I have no friends and i do not want to go to baby groups (which i dont know anything about anyway as the HV said that she would get the childrens centre to ring me and tell me where it is and what times i should come as i am new to the area) as i have panick attacks when i go out as i am sure people are judging me. I went out for the first time twice a day to the park last week and there was a group of women (About 10) sitting with there babies whilst i was in a corner on my own, I felt VERY panicky so i walked home after 30 minutes.

There is no point in me being here! No-one would miss me because i dont see anyone anyway, My DH shows no interest in sex and when i ring my family to talk they say "I dont want to talk for long"

So what is the point?

Ive tryed to get help, The HV said "You need to get out if you have PND" I explained that i had panick attacks when i did and she said "You cant think about yourself you need to get out with your DS without making excuses for yourself"

Is PND not a big deal? Obvious i was mistaken when i thought that it was.

There is nothing to live for anymore.

You have a small baby who needs YOU. So believe me, you do have plenty to live for.

Sorry you feel so desperate. You should maybe consider getting this moved to the Relationships board - AIBU is not the place for it.

Sitting at home minding a baby and eating is not a life. You have to get out and you have to find some way of doing so.

I agree with squeakytoy - I know how hard it is to be depressed. It does make you very self-involved. However you DO have things to live for, your child needs you, and they need you to get better. Have you thought about changing HV or GP? You may get more help and support from other people. PND is a big deal and you do need help to deal with it. If you aren't getting it from the people you're involved with right now, then change that. I agree you HV doesn't sound very supportive.

I suffer anxiety and even now I'm terrified of mother and baby groups.

You do need to go out Lovvie, even if it's just a walk round the park or up to the local shop and back. Cooped up indoors, comfort eating, won't do you any good at all. But you know this, and I accept it's very difficult to motivate yourself when you feel so low and the weather is so awful at times.

Go back to your GP if you feel your medication isn't kicking in appropriately.

IMHO, HV= Satans hand maids.

Guilty I think this needs moving to health or relationships. However, what is astounding is the lack of support you are getting from your HV.

How old is your baby?
Are you on maternity leave or are you currently a stay at home parent?
What does your DH do to help?

It sounds as though there are a lot of issues that need to be addressed, and the going out/going to groups needs to be worked at slowly particularly with anxiety.

Are there any PND/anxiety sufferers that can help more here?

Right, this is clearly a cry for help and we are suggesting she move it to another board? Therefore pointing out ANOTHER thing she is supposedly doing wrong (HV Re: looking after her baby)? Show some compassion and lets not give a toss where she posts it yeah.

I'm sorry your feeling so awful.
Pnd is a big deal and needs to be dealt with properly. You say you are on anti depressants but are you being referred for counselling or talking therapy? That can really help. Yes getting out can help but just forcing yourself is going to set you back, you won't be to do it without the skills to deal with the anxiety.
Have you spoken to your dh and family about how you are feeling? Are they supportive in any way?

That is not fair Katie. AIBU is not going to get the supportive response that Relationships would. I agree that this thread would probably be better handled on Relationships board than here.

Your baby needs YOU. Don't give up, you are going through a terrible time but if you can just hang on, it will be worth it.

It sounds like you aren't getting proper support for your PND.

Can you say where you are located? Maybe here on MN people can tell you where to find the help you need.

How is your DH treating you?

Don't worry about baby groups -- obviously they aren't helpful at the moment (lots of women never go to them btw, perfectly normal)

What did you like to do before the baby? What made you happy?

Try to keep going to the park, just ignore other people. But mostly, just try to be kind to yourself, don't be too hard or judgmental on yourself. You need to get better first, then you can deal with everything else.

Squeaky - I apologise I didn't mean to sound as arsey as that I just think that she is clearly feeling so crappy and its met with a few 'yeah but wrong place'. I appreciate more appropriate advice might be given there but if I was at my limit and really fed up and I took the time to write that I would be really upset with 'go to the relationships board' do you know what I mean? AIBU has plenty of traffic and OP might not know/or even care which board it is 'supposed' to go in...she just wants help.

Also, I'd like to add that new tablets may really help. My friend's PND was helped massively by anti-depressants and she had to try a few. They don't work for everyone, but they are worth a try.

Katie - it wasn't a criticism, it was a suggestion that the OP may chose to ignore if she wishes. Understand that it could have been worded a little better. Nothing to stop anyone on this thread suggesting it be moved though. :)

Your HV sounds like an utter twat, request a new one. Get yourself to a PND support group - don't wait to hear from the HV, contact the children's center yourself. The first time going to a group can be really difficult, but just like anything else, the more you do it, the easier it because. And I do understand how hard it is with anxiety.

Live for your child right now if you can't live for yourself.

What medication are you on, and how long has it been? They can take a few weeks to kick in. And please request some counselling as well as just medication.

Here is a PNI support site that may be of some use to you.

I posted it here as i know this has more traffic and i want honest opinions, Why should that matter!

My DH gets DS out everyday, He takes him for a walk so he does get out.

DH is also under the GP at the moment for a medical condition.

My baby is 13 months.

I am a SAHM.

My family are very judgemental so i havent told them about how i am feeling, I only see them once every 3 months anyway.

Theres just no point, I told the GP i feel VERY suicidal and he said "Ring A&E if it gets worse".

Yeah i have a DS but he cant be enjoying having me around he loves his dad more anyway, He wouldnt remember me anyway.

And Krumbum is right, it would be great if you could get some counseling or find a support group. ADs can really help but it will go much faster if you can also learn some coping techniques for anxiety/PND.

You do need to lose weight. You do need to get out. You do need to meet people.

However - speaking as someone who has suffered serious PND and mhp over the years - someone may as well suggest that you sprout wings and bloody FLY!

You know what you 'need' to do. You're not stupid. Knowing it isn't the problem. It's being able to do it that you struggle with. Anyone who is fat knows they need to lose weight. Anyone who never meets people knows that they need to meet people. Anyone telling you oh, you need to lose weight/make friends needs a big smack in the gob. HV or no Oh, I need to lose weight! Of course. It's all so clear to me now. That's where I've been going wrong.

You need help with it. Which you're trying to get by taking these tablets and I hope they work. Hopefully they will get you to a place where you feel able to go outside for a bit.

Your husband may not be interested in sex, but that is in itself not the end of the world. Does he love you? is he caring and supportive? Does he do his fair share? If yes, then the no sex issue is just another thing to beat yourself up about! Concentrate on getting yourself better.

I'm you're feeling like this, it's awful but it is possible to get better and feel just as happy if not happier than you did before. Hold on to that thought.

What was it your hv made you change? I just ask as you really don't have to do everything your hv says. Its just advice and she doesn't sound very supportive anyway. I just smile and nod when my hv gives me advice then I follow my instincts and raise my baby how I want

I would suggest changing hv and having a good chat with your dh about how you feel, it'll make you feel less alone if you can manage to share your feelings

Get a new GP and HV...I really can't stress that enough. If you're OK on internet forums, maybe you could look for some on-line support forums for PND? Forums helped me massively when I was depressed. They can't do everything, but they could be a starting block for you.

is there a local pnd group you could attend? ?

Also I suffered horrendously from low self esteem when dd and ds were small so we'd go to the park v early when it was empty. Bonus of that was it got us up and out for the day.

Please do not think that suicide would be a better option. It really really would not.

There is plenty of point to you being here. Your child is not old enough to love anyone "more". He just needs love from as many people as possible. As he gets older he will need you more. He will want a mummy to give him a cuddle, he will want a mum to make Mothers Day cards for, so he can bring them home to you. He will not want to take them to your grave.

If you were to take your own life away from those who love you, you are forever leaving them with a pain that can never go away. Please dont do that to them. See another GP, do whatever you can to fix this, because it IS fixable. You will not always feel like you do now. It isnt your fault that you feel this way, it is an illness, and just because it isnt a broken leg that can be glued back together, it doesnt mean that it cannot be sorted out.

Different medication and a different professional can make a huge difference.

x-post

Okay, if you feel suicidal, you can also call Samaritans:

08457 90 90 90

www.samaritans.org

But please believe me when I say that suicide is NOT the answer. Just get that idea out of your head right now. You may think no one will care but it will devastate everyone around you -- yes, even your son, he will be forever haunted by the mother he never knew and wonder why she left.

And more important, you will miss out on the rest of your life, which could be amazing once you get the help you need. You are in a bad, bad place but you can get out -- you just need more help, and to dig down and be strong. I know the pain must be terrible for you to consider ending it all, but that is such a drastic solution for a temporary problem.

Does your DH know you feel suicidal?

Please, get some more help for yourself. You really can get through this.

Before i concieved and thoughout my pregnancy i have ALWAYS been a healthy weight.

I enjoyed going for a run, swimming and going to the gym.

I have been on the previous anti-depressants for 2 months, Changed to these anti-depressants 2 weeks ago.

I dont enjoy doing anything now. Nothing. I hate going out because of my panick attacks, I hate seeing my family and my in-laws as all they do is go on about my weight.

DH exW emailed me to tell me that my DH had had an affair and i found naked pictures of her on his computer (He said that was before we was together and i trust him with that) I keep getting e-mails telling me that my DH is a cheat and i should get rid of him.

Nothing positive in my life. Nothing.

Yeah i love my DS but i just think he would benefit without me here.

Very difficult for any of us to tell you what you need.

But you do need to be outside a fair bit, your body needs seretonin (sp) for its well being. Vit D if you like. Produced by exposure to daylight.

Routine is important. Early morning walks would be good.

You other thread a while back indicated some problems in the bedroom, which once that thread expanded, weren't just post birth problems.

If those are verbatim comments from your GP then I would (a) be asking to see someone else in the practice (b) changing practice completely.

guilty well done for posting! It's really brave and strong to admit feeling like this. PND is so so hard! And bing indoors with someone who needs you constantly is really hard. I think being on your own all day with a small person has a very specific sort of loneliness attached to it and it's so bloody boring!!

Some days I look around and think "is this it? Is this the rest of my life?"

Your son loves you very much and would miss you so so much! Dads have the benefit of not being around all day so they have the novelty factor and it can make you feel like they love the dad more but they don't they just see him less.

Show your DH this thread. He needs to take care of both of you.

Look at your little boy, I bet he's healthy, interested and I bet he smiles at you all the time. You did that! You brought him into the work, you carried him for 9 months you've made him healthy.

Go to a different health visitor and see another GP - go to a drop in centre and say you need a second opinion as you're suicidal and aren't getting any support.

Would you be happy to say what area you're in? People might know local services/support you can access.

You will get better.