Toilet phobia

[BitOfACyclePath]

I'm pouring my heart out here. I feel like there is no-one else in the world that feels like I do.

When I was 19 and pregnant with my son (he's now 11) I was going to Edinburgh on the bus which is about an hour and a half away from where I live. I was fine for about half an hour then all of a sudden I felt really ill. I fainted and when I opened my eyes again I realised I had been s* all over myself and had pee'd myself. I have never felt so ashamed of myself as I did that day.

Now for the past 12 years I haven't been able to travel far and I certainly can't get on a bus, plane, train etc as I am terrified of needing the toilet and there not being one near by.

I am going on holiday next Sunday to Blackpool which is a 3 and a half hour journey from where I am with my husband and 2 children and I have hardly slept for weeks just thinking about it. At the age of 31 I feel like my life is ruined. The more nervous I get the more I get diarrhoea which in turn makes the fear of being away from a toilet a billion times worse.

I also suffer from emetophobia (I think that's how you spell it) fear of being s* - I can't even bring myself to type the word.

I am going to GP this morning to see if she can give me anything to take the edge off the anxiety but then I get worried about taking the medication in case it gives me an upset tummy which makes the toilet phobia worse.

If I wasn't living it I would find it laughable. Even just reading what I've written back I'm thinking 'for fucks sake just get a fucking grip'

If you have got this far thanks for reading. I'm not sure what I'm hoping for just someone to talk to I guess.

Thank you.

Morning CyclePath, have you thought about distraction techniques such as CBT? That works for loads of people. Have a look at MoodGym, you have to register but it's free.

Sorry to hear that you are feeling like this. If you get some meds from the Dr maybe do a trial run at home to see how you are with them how they affect you. If you are fine then you know you will be ok taking it. Could you plan out scheduled stops so you know where there are toilets on the way.

Your Dr may recommend CBT as well as medication.

I too have the vomiting phobia & suffer with depression. I am on Sertraline & a mood stabiliser & I take Clonazapam for anxiety.

Let me know how you get on at the Drs.

I have the vomiting phobia and I also worry more than is necessary about needing the toilet when I am out (and the worry makes me go more often). I went horse riding last weekend and worried all week about 'what if I need the toilet, I can't just hop off and find a bush!' But I was fine. I went three times that morning but once I was on the way there, I was fine. I find that mostly I am fine once I am doing whatever it is I was scared about, and there aren't that many situations where a toilet is completely nowhere to be found. There might be a toilet on the coach you go on.

I try to ask to myself 'what is the worse than can happen?' in these situations. I might have an accident but I won't die from it, except from shame, but so what? It is soooo unlikely to happen again. I haven't had an accident ever. I was really close once when I had food poisoning and I only just by the skin of my teeth made it to my house. That was 14 years ago now. It happened to you 11 years ago, once in 11 years means that it isn't likely to happen again, and even if it does, you'll cope. I know it is annoying that the anxiety about it makes you go more often though. It's hard. I feel for you.

op,I know you are not the only one with this fear.
I have a couple of relatives like this.I dont know them well enough,but I do know that they plan toilet breaks with military precision.
It must be awful for you,especially after what happened 11 years ago.
Hope the GP is able to help.

Thanks for the replies all.

The doctor has given me Diazepam for the journey and has referred me for CBT. It is a long wait for the CBT though. I'm seriously ill this week. The worry is taking its toll on me. I know I have this journey coming up and I don't enjoy the holiday cause the whole time I'm worrying about the journey back.

If I post here on Sunday when I'm travelling will you all come and hold my hand please. Talk to me about random stuff or ask me random questions - it helps take my mind off of things

Well done for making the first step. By all means post here on Sunday, I have no problem talking rubbish on the internet. :o

Lol cheers Nicholas

Wow I've never met anyone with it either!! Nice to 'meet' you We are going by car and I have been researching on google maps where the services are, where I can stop if no services etc. I have a camping toilet in the car and will wear a long dress to cover my modesty if I need to use my camping toilet at side of road.

I have my rescue remedy and immodium on hand at all times. Yes to people not understanding! Its one of the much less common phobias. If I say I'm scared of spiders guaranteed the person I tell is scared of them too or knows someone who is. If I told them I'm terrified of being away from the toilet I would get or faces!

I have told my husband and he is fantastic and really helps me. If I start panicking he totally blind sides me and says "what did you buy at Asda last week?" Stops the panic almost dead in its tracks as I rack my brains to think lol.

Just wish I didn't have it in the first place x

Big up to your DH! He sounds brilliant and does what I'd do too. Distraction techniques often work because they're unexpected.

I suffer with this, too (though I've recently been told my IBS may be progressing to Crohn's - joy). I can't bring myself to tell him how serious it is, though I'm guessing that he has an idea after last week I told him he HAD to turn around and take me to Asda as I needed the loo THEN! Wish I could be brave enough to ask him to stick a camping loo in the boot. I've hidden it well out of embarrassment so far...

I live on Immodium (prescribed, thank goodness), though it doesn't always work (which freaks me out even more!). I will NOT go out on Sunday afternoons as supermarkets are a life-saver for me to plan a journey around and they're closed then. They must make a fortune out of me as I can't just pop in and use their loo without feeling I have to buy something. And NEVER expect me to get to an appointment of any sort on time - even if I get up at 5 am for a 2pm appointment, I still end up on the loo a few minutes before leaving.

The very worst thing for me, though, is that I can't eat or drink anything whilst out as it always sets me off. Shopping with friends and stopping off for a cuppa or going out for a meal with friends or family were a normal part of life for me until I developed this horrible condition.

Good luck to everyone here that has to put up with this.

Evans I know what you mean with regards to eating when out. I sit with my husband and kids in restaraunts (spelling??) And while they order and eat I just make conversation with them or read a book waiting on them to finish. It bothers me so so much that I can't eat out with my family and friends.

Also if I know I am going on a journey I can't eat 'normally' for the 2 weeks leading up to it in case I eat something that upsets my stomach (even though it never has before...!) As that makes me panic more. Living on dry cereal and dry toast at the moment. Yes to the panic setting in when you realise the immodium isn't kicking in! I remember taking 9 within the space of a few hours (on holiday last year) I couldn't go for 5 days after that which should have made me feel better right? Wrong! I knew when it happened I would need a toilet damn fast so was too terrified to go anywhere.

I know it is such an embarassing phobia but telling my husband was the best thing I did. I know him well enough to know that he would support me but even so I had to build up to telling him.

Good luck to you too. Its good to know we are not alone x

Yy to the feeling 'safer' with the camping toilet in the car.

I told my husband while we were on the way to Edinburgh for a day out. I deal with panic/anxiety by scratching my arm over and over until the panic/anxiety has passed or the situation (journey) has ended. He asked why I was doing it, I confessed all (proper sobbing as well ) but I felt so much better for it.

Yep another one here with a form of this! My CBT therapist recommended pouring water on myself (!) so it looked like I'd wet myself to prove to myself that even if it happened it wouldn't be too bad. I couldn't bring myself to do that but what I did do is stay in the house while I needed the loo, and only go when I absolutely had to, and time it. Now I know I have coped with the urgent feeling for 45 minutes which does help. I still avoid things - I'll go thirsty when out, and never drink tea or coffee before I go anywhere unless I know there'll be a toilet in easy reach for the next couple of hours - but it is better than it was. I though I was the only one..!

Hi OP i'm not sure if either of these links will be helpful but just incase,

Anxiety UK has a downloadable booklet on Toliet Phobia
www.anxietyuk.org.uk/professionals/downloadable-resources/

and Glasgow Steps has alot of general self help tips for dealing with anxiety
glasgowsteps.com/information/anxiety/

I know these are only little things but thought i'd mention them, good luck with everything.

Teacake, I think your 'therapist' is wrong there. Perhaps when you get to the bottom of your phobia, but not now.

The timing thing is very interesting and well worth doing.

BJR, great links.

Aw, Cyclepath, you sound just like me. I think that toilet phobias are being recognised and even acceptable these days - and even urinary incontinence. But I don't think anyone would ever understand what we go through - that ominous 3-minute warning rumble. I die a bit more inside every time I think of when its happened in the past, even though I've always managed to get to a loo just in the nick of time.

I wonder about the damage I'm doing to myself with all the immodium, too, and I totally understand about the extreme measures you take when you know you have to go somewhere.

Thanks, BJR, for the links, but I've yet to find one that helps deal with faecal incontinence. Even though technically I'm not, the thought of having an "accident" sends me into such a panic because I know its a reality waiting to happen. I also hate having to use a public toilet for my near misses. It's not nice for me or the other toilet users as the word explosive simply doesn't cover it. Then there's the clean up...

Damn, it's miserable.

I know I should confide in DH but he's so, I dunno, uptight about bodily stuff. Don't get me wrong, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I just think he'd be horrified rather than sympathetic.

I had my chance when we watched the Inbetweeners episode where Will has an accident - that rumble is the stuff of my nightmares, as is the situation! I wish I could've just said something as I know that it would fall in place for him and make life a bit easier for me. We're open with each other about everything else, but I just can't.

Thanks for talking about this, All. It makes me feel a little bit better. I just wish there was a practical way for me to start living again.

I can't do this I just can't. I'm trying to pack I can't stop crying I just want the holiday to be over and be back at home. I'm so ill with worry and fear. I've hardly slept. I just want to curl up somewhere, go to sleep and never wake up. All this because of extreme phobia I don't want to go I want to stay home but I don't want to let my family down. Please God just let me get through this, please.

You will get through this

Yes you can do this. First off, take half a Diazepam, it will calm your anxiety a bit. Then talk to your H about how you're feeling. Have a blub if necessary. Take shallow breaths then deep breaths.

You'll get there. :)

All strength to you Bit - you survived that horrible experience of messing yourself when you were 19 years old, people still love you, you are just human. The CBT will hopefully be a great help to you.

Evans - very worried to hear you are dosing yourself on immodium if you might be developing Crohns, you could be making your inflammation worse, your bowel needs to rest, not be full of faeces it can't move on. Do visit the NACC website for information and support www.nacc.org.uk/content/home.asp, while not a cure for Crohns, a liquid, element diet has proved incredibly helpful in many studies, quite the opposite of impacting faeces in your bowel.

Managing fear of needing the toilet is different in people who do have an organic cause of bowel or bladder incontinence compared to those whose bodies can perfectly well control bodily functions apart from when ill (such as what happened to the OP). Although both will find the adrenaline of the panic response make things worse, someone with IBD etc may need to make arrangements to know where the nearest toilet is, disabled access etc while someone for whom this is a simply a safety behaviour can experiment far more with change to drop such safety behaviours.

I'm getting an upset stomach with the anxiety which is making my fear worse. What if I have to stop at the side of the road to do the toilet??? What if I mess myself??? What if I never get better???

If you have to stop at the side of the road - so what? Countless people have done it (myself included). If you messed yourself in the car, how many people would know? And if you only did it that once how likely is it? I know it's easy for me to say but try to put it in perspective. And the only way I've managed to get a bit better is to do the timing myself thing because now I have the logic cancelling out the worry a little bit.