Toilet phobia

[BitOfACyclePath]

I'm pouring my heart out here. I feel like there is no-one else in the world that feels like I do.

When I was 19 and pregnant with my son (he's now 11) I was going to Edinburgh on the bus which is about an hour and a half away from where I live. I was fine for about half an hour then all of a sudden I felt really ill. I fainted and when I opened my eyes again I realised I had been s* all over myself and had pee'd myself. I have never felt so ashamed of myself as I did that day.

Now for the past 12 years I haven't been able to travel far and I certainly can't get on a bus, plane, train etc as I am terrified of needing the toilet and there not being one near by.

I am going on holiday next Sunday to Blackpool which is a 3 and a half hour journey from where I am with my husband and 2 children and I have hardly slept for weeks just thinking about it. At the age of 31 I feel like my life is ruined. The more nervous I get the more I get diarrhoea which in turn makes the fear of being away from a toilet a billion times worse.

I also suffer from emetophobia (I think that's how you spell it) fear of being s* - I can't even bring myself to type the word.

I am going to GP this morning to see if she can give me anything to take the edge off the anxiety but then I get worried about taking the medication in case it gives me an upset tummy which makes the toilet phobia worse.

If I wasn't living it I would find it laughable. Even just reading what I've written back I'm thinking 'for fucks sake just get a fucking grip'

If you have got this far thanks for reading. I'm not sure what I'm hoping for just someone to talk to I guess.

Thank you.

Just popped in to see how OP and others are doing.

Eurostar - thank you. I know what I'm doing is not good for me but the fear of an "accident" is just too much. If I have to go out, I have to dose up or I don't get out. Simple as. I feel so stupid stating that as it sometimes doesn't even help.

I wish, wish, wish that, like some others here, that I could confide in DH. I feel so alone with this even though I know I'm not.

But thanks to all supporting anyway.

Glad you're enjoying yourself Tracy & hope you too busy to see this until the weekend!

Thunder you are so right about the fear of what others think - telling DH has done away with some of that. In case it helps anyone, DH pointed out that EVERYONE has had that fear at some point & that it terrifying & all-consuming to EVERYONE. So it is a fear that anybody can relate to (as opposed to a fear of say, buttons or beards!), even if they don't spend their lives obsessing over it like we do. I was also worried about the 'unladylike' aspect - DH says that the opposite is true; I worry because I'm TOO ladylike!

Tkozy I've had counselling, hypnotherapy & been on ADs for years, on my second round of CBT but, you're right, 'coming out' has been the biggest step forward I have made.

Rabbit it's good to know you're not the only one isn't it? I've never had an accident either which proves my safety behaviours work - ha, take that CBT lady Crazy eh? Glad that you could confide too.

Evans maybe you're just not ready to tell your DH yet but it's worth thinking about. I thought I'd never be able to tell anyone. That said, it's a lot easier to text a link than start a conversation!

hey found this from.googling about toilet phobia. i wouldnt normally reply for the embarrassment i feel to admittin i too suffer bad with this problem. i have had it about ten years there has been times when it has seemed t feel better and managable and times when it is really bad and life feels and looks very rubbish like the past few.months. it does help t know others too suffer n can relate but no.one else knows well except.my cbt therapist which i am havin now, but t be honest this has not worked for me am not sayim.it doesnt work as i have read it has helped people. i have ibs and am going for further tests, i too live by immodium n worry what effect this may have in the long term if only there was a way t solve this i can try rationalise with myself as i have never not made it to the toilet but i still have the problem bad i think and worry constantly about everything if only there was proper help or a cure ! good t know am.not alone even tho wat we go through with this can be very lonely at times. ramble ova hope you all.ok

maybe all of us that suffer with this n around travel etc should get a big coach no toilets on board n go for long drives

cbt says exposure is the key but exposure wen u havent undertaken safety measures such as six immodium before hand n stoppin at toilets every 10 mins lol !

right now though i am just too anxious t try exposure so avoidance is my technique which in long run is one step forward four steps back x

Oh feck We're going home early. Beds are so uncomfortable that all of us have had hardly any sleep since Sunday and tempers are fraying now. Will be leaving here in a couple of hours. Right Tracy pull yourself together. You got here, you can bloody well get home!!

Yep. Too right you can. Then when you get home safe and sound you can congratulate yourself on a massive leap forward.

You'll be fine Tracy, the journey home is always easier - getting nearer & nearer to all your home comforts rather than further away! you can do it.

Good luck cycle you can do it. Yesterday I ended up on a canal boat trip unexpectedly with tiny chemical loo. It bought on an attack of ibs within half an hour but understanding why it is happening has been very helpful. Let us know how it goes.

Well done for dealing with it yesterday Rabbit.

Morning Cycle, how'd it go on your journey back?

Well done Rabbit. Sounds like you dealt with it well. Home safe and well around 10pm last night. Haven't slept like that in a long time was out like a light Journey home was fine. Like someone else said the journey home is usually easier! On load of washing number 4 already this morning. The joys of holidays eh lol. Hope everyone is well.

OMG rabbit, that is amazing! I could never have done that, you should be very proud of yourself.

Glad to hear you got home without any dramas Tracy & that there was an advantage to sleep deprivation for once!

Great stuff our kid. Isn't it amazing how the human brain works?

Lentil, I'm sure you'd find a way of dealing with it.

Glad you're home. We were meeting people on their boat trip for a walk and they suggested a trip up the river to the next town, so I couldn't wriggle out of it. Probably better I hadn't known beforehand but the minute I was in the boat I got an immense feeling of claustrophobia, I get it in restaurants and on trains etc. Does anyone else get this? When we got to the town I shamefully spent ages in the loo and gulped some immodium to get me back in one piece. Felt crap the rest of the day, I also get very nauseous when it hits. Also, do you find that some periods of your life it is worse than others?

I have the exact same thing I'm 33 at one point I didn't leave the house for a year this is ruining my life if you wanna chat my name is Leanne