PND Stigma

[Tryn2hrd]

Just wanted to know if anyone finds PND realy difficult to admit to themselves and family. I have only been diagnosed for 2 mths and just told some family which didnt go as well as i hoped. Do you find that people react badly to you when they know you have this? I find myself having to explain its not about the baby because i'm lucky that I bonded its just everything else that makes me upset (including everyone else) I have isolated myself and its taken so much to try and tell people that I have this but noone has offered any help or rang to ask how i'm doing. They make you feel as if you are catching and that you are a bad mum. Does anyone have any tips on how to tell people what i'm going through without actually telling them IYKWM Its so hard to ask for help and its what i really need sometimes. sorry I'm a bit low today just tryn to come to grips with this all and figure out what the hell is going on.

Tryn2hrd, I feel for you.

I was diagnosed with pnd after both my lo's. Not a stigma in our family at all though. my dad fully understands, then again his mum was a manic depressive with self harming tendencies.

I think part of the problem nowadays is that we do not live in a big family anymore where everybody helps if and when necessar. I for example have no relatives here in the UK to help out. This in combo with suddenly being 'house bound' with a little child was enough for me to want to withdraw and hide as I was feeling very isolated despite very helpful dh.

Depression in my case was caused by a chemical imbalance due to sleep deprivation so not as if it was by my choosing to be depressed.

If you are uncomfortable with how poeple might react to you 'having pnd' just rebrand it as 'extreme exhaustion' and tell everybody that you really could do with some help :)

Probably not very helpful, but hope this shows you that you are not on your own.

Thx its just that my baba is perfect and sleeps all night and is such good natured that everyone thinks I am putting it on as I have nothing to be depressed about. My DP is wonderful and understanding to a point. Its just me that has the issues

Tryn2hrd... sleeps through all night?! Oh how I envy you :)

But PND isn't just about sleep deprivation...

your hormones are all over the place for starters
then there is the overwhelming realisation that that little bundle is your responsibility to love and keep save
then there is the bit that it's not just you anymore to do as you please when you please

it's quite a shock to the system.

I have a friend who had her lo very late in life - she was 42. Thankfully she has a very well paying job and a very affluent husband so she can afford a all-time nanny. Otherwise she said there was no way she would have been able to cope. And she really loves her little girl but having been 'independent' for such a long while she just couldn't change gears iykwim

Tryn2hrd I know how you feel. I was diagnosed after dd was about 9 weeks old but have been on ad's since Nov. DD is now 9 months. So far only my close family know and my dh. My family in law don't know (well not that I am aware) as I felt ashamed for dh to mention it to them. I felt they would judge me as a mother and I also couldn't stand being "disucssed".

I am the same in the fact that dd is such a brilliant baby, she is very well natured, sleeps well,feeds well etc and I sometimes feel the same in that I feel people look at me and think "well the baby looks fine so she must be putting it on". Well I am not!!! Someone asked me the other day how it feels..I tried to explain and she asked if it made me feel like harming my daughter or hitting her LOL..! Some people really are not aware of pnd and it's effects which is a shame.

I have days where I could smile all day and others where I could sleep all day. Today is a down day sadly but I made myself get out for a walk. I started to feel sad while I was out as I feel I am missing out on m&b groups etc but then I thought am I realy missing out...?? Do I really want to sit in a room and listen to how perfect others lives are..??

I have enrolled on a music course and gym session with dd which I start tomorrow..maybe it may be the kick I need.

BTW dh is brilliant abd does what he can. He understands the pnd side of me and supports me where I can. Although typical bloke,doesn't always do things withiout me asking . But he knows this is not me and it's an illness. He agrees though that with the ad's I am much more easier to live with.

If it makes you feel any better, I sometimes think " gosh what have I got to be so depressed about..I have a lovely family, it's a lovely day, I have a baby I have longed for over 4 years etc etc" But then there are days when I think the above and believe it.

Are you on any ad's..?

Sorry to post so much. xx

Its the ups and downs I cant understand, some days I feel normal but when I go down I get really low. i have racked my brains to try and think of what has caused this but I have not had anything major happen, its just confusing. I gets so exhausted thinking - sounds really weird but I plan what i am going to do and set a schedule but then i am so tired because i have sat and thought so long and got myself worked up I cant do anything. i have all the intentions then nada. Other days I am crazy cleaning all day at silly hours, is this part of the pnd? I take anti d's which are okay most days, but the make me feel sick and tired. My HV recommended a higher dose after a bad episode but the doc disagreed. It doesnt help my confusion. Sometimes i wish someone can make decisions for me. Like whats for tea, when to go to work, how much benefits if not do i do part time - It seems so trivial when i put it down but I cant stop worrying? Do you know when this will end? Is it for keeps? i dont think Ive got the energy to keep up with my moods anymore. I just dont want this to affect my dd. I try to put on a face all the time especially for her as I dont want her to see mummy cry, but its hard.

tryn2hrd... yes it will end, eventually :) I'm depressive by nature and still I managed to wangle my way back to 'sanity'. I still have ups and down and I just accept it.

Also don't forget... it's winter which won't help any depression!

Just take it one step at the time and if you're too tired to do something and if it's not essentioal... don't do it and don't worry about it either.

I found that I fell into the dangerous mindset thinking why is everybody else coping and perfect... well my GP put me straight! They are not, some are just better at hiding and/or denying it.

Also the constant pressure to be 'super mum' doesnt help I find. I've learned though... there is no such thing. My dd and ds think I'm supermum to THEM and I don't care anymore what others say/think.

Hope you feel better soon

my family AND husband reacted badly to
a) antidepresants
b) PND
c) counselling

fortunately I had good friends who were very supportive.....

you're not lucky and have nothing to moan about
you have a baby and its hard work.
you may just have chemical imbalance in which case you cant help it

keep going - it WILL get better

Mental illness carries stigma. PND is a mental illness. But it made me SO angry, I later on started telling all and sundry about how ill I was. They were all so shocked, I seemed so 'pulled together' and organised. It was all a crock, me trying to avoid the stigma of mental illness. So I thought, 'F*ck this! Someone out there who has this may not be as strong as me. So I'm going to tell people about it. B/c when they think of mental illness, they don't see me. But here I am! Here's my face. The face of mental illness. Deal!'

i havent admitted to my family. I dont want them to know i havent been coping like they thought i had. DP's family knows though. But his DM and sister have had PND and so they understand it a whole lot more.

depression has a stigma
people dont know how to deal with it
"pull yourself together"
"you are lucky - what do you have to moan about"

I am still suffering (although not sure whether husband's affair & leaving is hindering my recovery)

even now when I cry people say "you were doing so well"
yes Im very good at hiding how I feel and putting on a fasade cos its easier for everyone else to believe Im superwoman

I wish I could be like expat

Hi

MM
No, you don't. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Right now, I live for when DH gets home and takes DD2 her nightly drive. Sounds awful, doesn't it. He's just here now, getting her ready, and it's like a giant weight off my shoulders.

Isn't that shit?

When people say, 'You are lucky', I say, 'What's so fucking lucky about being suicidal? Wanna trade.'

Then I just blow them off b/c they don't get it and never will and I sure hope it never happens to them.

Finally someone who's thinking the same crazy stuff as me. I feel like the face that I put on for days makes me really worse when I finally crumble. Why do people expect you to cope marvelously esp the ones who have been there and done it before? Do you think they forget? Do you think we will and look back and say this was a wonderful experience. I was totally unprepared for how I'm feeling to the point it scares me when I want to hurt myself. I know i would never do it but when the thoughts come into your head its scary. I know I love my baby and DP, i'm intellegent i used to have lots of friends and a big family (who are not as close as they like to mak out) I have all these plans for the future but I have a big fat I CANT BE BOTHERED going round in my head. My Hv keeps telling me the theory about how to get better and keep going, positive mental attitude. i could right a book on the subject but how do you actually do it when your brain doesnt want to?????? Sorry this is long. i am floating around and when i finally write its a novel thx everyone for answering earlier, its helped me knowing that some people do listen

Me again Just thinking back to when SIL had PND, she lives some distance away but i never really made the effort to help as we dont really know each other and I automatically thought "how could she not love her baby" what caused it? What did her P do etc etc, I didnt understand because everything I knew about PND was completely different to what it is. Do you think this is why people are off with me? Is it a case of readdressing the attitudes of mental health or just giving more info. i know I am struggling with coming to terms that I have this as its not what I thought it was so I look for other reasons. I think I'm waffling sorry x

I think antidepressants have a stigma all of their own too.

DP didnt want me to take them for fear of me becoming addicted.

I get so pissed off at all that 'positive mental attitude' speech stuff. I finally went off on one doctor. Um, don't you think if I could snap out of this into a positive mental attitude I would? Do you think I fucking like feeling like this? WTF!

'The theory'. The theory of how chemicals in your mind go haywire. Yeah, I can read. I understand the 'theory' behind it all. But the end result is that my life is fucked up, can you help me or not? B/c if not the last thing I need is you lecturing me about my 'negative' mental attitude.

Honestly, Tryn, you're preaching to the choir here. Been there, done that, back again for more .

Oh, yes, I'll get addicted to ADs and tranqs and anti-anxiety meds and what not. But the alternative is that I hit the water from 100 feet up.

I also think that you believe people are behaving odd with you because you read more into peoples behaviour, think people dont like you etc etc with pnd.

I felt like no-one loved me or cared but it was all part of the illness.

Thanks for listening to me, too, ladies. I'm not having a good day today .

It happens EPIS. Wish i could be of more help.

Can only send you {{{{{{HUGS}}}}} from here

Hi expat I was thinking that? you okay? seems silly to ask as I know your not but just to let you know I care. Must be something in the Scottish water we're sharing up here!!! Here's a good one how many people have said "If you just get out of the house at least once a day!!!" Yeah right once a day - its bloody freezing and I cant even brush my teeth some days let alone go out.. I can feel the blood boiling

It does suck, especially w/o my crutch of fags.

Oh, yes, Tryin. There's no balcony in this flat, it's two floors up and no communal garden. And I'm so motivated! I didn't even get to the library today to print out this letter I need to send to the landlord about their piece of shit flat :o.

Oh dont get me started on the going out thing.

DP and doc used to say it. The whole issue was i felt so low i felt i couldnt go out. Unless DP was with me.

Sometimes you've got to fecking laugh or end up on the floor. This is what is soo weird its like I want to get better, we all know the theory but why cant we make it work? I am going to see a pysche personage so that will be a hoot. Maybe i will get nother sheet with vicious circle of Lethargy on the top again. I wonder if you really I mean REALLY tell someone what you are thinking will you get put away? I'm scared they will take my baba off of me but I would die if that happened. I look at this tomorrow and will be dying fr someone to take her away sorry