When i had Ds2, who is now 6, i was diagnosed with PND just three days after he was born. I couldn't touch him, i was terrified of him, i cried constantly, if i shut my eyes then i saw dark shapes coming to take the baby away and believe me i disliked him so much i would have let them take him away. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat and the effort to get showered and dressed was unreal. My Dh was fantastic - i credit him with me being here today. My mum was with us at the time, but didn't really understand. She went after two weeks with the parting words
"your dh will need to go back to work at some point you know". My MIL didn't know until about 3 years ago when she was going through the menopause and was very depressed. However she took it upon herself to inform her whole family, who came out with remarks like
"Well, she always did seem a bit weird"
I saw a consultant psychiatrist and a CPN weekly for a year, and was on ADs for longer. A lot of the time i spent with the CPN was spent talking about other issues which i had let boil away inside me as well for years. She really did help, and never once said to me to have "positive mental attitude"
Not very many other people know how bad i was, simply because of their reactions. I lived in MQ'S in the south of England, and hardly knew anyone, then i got really friendly with another Scottish girl who had depression. It sounds strange, but we really helped each other, we got each other out of the house, and making adult conversation. My life long friends though, the ones i have known for over twenty years were unbelievable when i told them i had PND, at the time only 2 had kids, one of them was, and still is the best friend anyone could wish for, but they have all admitted to me at seperate times that they didn't know what to do, or how to deal with how i was feeling, although even a phone call to say
"Hi, i know you're having a bad time but can i help" would have done.
I have moved back to Scotland now, and have made some other friends and many of them know i had PND, and are great. I still have moments - a week here, a month there, where i cry for no reason at all, or feel as though my world is crashing in around me. I put on this brave face though during those moments.
My Dh is away for four months, he's been away three weeks, and i was at the doctor today asking for AD's becasue i'm having a bad time again.
There is a tendency in this country to stigmatise mental illness of any kind, and as others on here have pointed out, people expect you to be full of happiness becasue you have had a child. I sometimes wonder if perhaps more celebrites came out and said
"Yes i had PND, I'm not ashamed, don't judge people who had it", then it may make some people aware of it, and make some women get the help they need.
I would never judge smeone who admitted to me that they had PND, i would offer as much help as i could, if they admitted it of course.
I have just realised how long this is and I'm sorry, its the first time i have said so much about my PND!