Hi anyone got any advice?

[frowniefuckingface]

About 5 years ago I was diagnosed with depression, it was sorted at the time. I was given citalopram.

Over the past few months it has come back with a vengeance. I am constantly anxious and I feel like just ending it all. I have a doctors appointment on Monday, I suppose I am asking for some coping techniques to get me through tomorrow, I am not at work because I cannot cope.

You must eat something, try starting with a glass of milk. Cook something, the cooking smell may build your appetite.

Is your brother going to be supportive?

Do call him but don't expect too much so you are not disappointed if he can't help.

Sunday morning is a good time to go to a and e if you want urgent help.

I feel frightened that I will do something stupid because of the effect that it will have on my family and colleagues. And I know that I have been here before and I know that I will get through it. I am just focusing on trying to get through today then tomorrow I will see the doctors.

Is your doctor sympathetic?

I did buy some hair dye last week, so this afternoon I am going to do that to take my mind off it that will be an hour used up. I am then going to cook a pizza and try and eat it. I am also going to sort out my drawers, as at the moment everything is just shoved in. That should take up another two hours. I think the advice to split the day up into small chunks will help. I am going to put on my favorite film So I married an Axe Murderer.

Im not sure if the doctor I am seeing is sympathetic, he is a doctor that I have been registered to since I was a baby ( I am 27 now) and in my adult life I have been to the doctors approx 10 times including the appointments and follow ups for my last bout of depression. Every time I have been there I have seen a different doctor. I know he is a well respected, highly regarded doctor, so I hope I am in safe hands.

I am going to write down my symptoms so that I do not miss anything out. I cant hide the state of my hands where I have been biting them it looks like I have ring worm. So I will mention that. I have also remembered that the last time i was prescribed citalopram it made me feel suicidal and I ended up cutting myself quite a bit. The scars have faded but I know they are there.

You poor, poor thing. I do think that there is light at the end of the tunnel for you, because frankly who WOULDN'T be prone to depression having been raised by two alcoholics?! Good idea to write everything down, I always leave the doctor and then remember something I should have mentioned. Just been thinking about some friends of mine who went through a period of terrible depression, and mid/late 20s does seem to be a difficult time for many women. What time are you seeing the doctor tomorrow?

I have an appointment at 4pm, it will take me roughly 1hr 15 mins to walk there, so I think that will be good as well. It is actually helping me to write this down and share it with you guys.

How are you sorted for friends? Are you in that weird 20something place where everyone is in a relationship and nobody sees much of anybody else? Or can your friends not relate to what's going on with you?

I haven't actually got many friends maybe 1 or 2 but I couldn't spring this on them. I lost a lot of my friends when I met my partner because of some crap that went on at one point lawyers were involved. Anyway I sided with him and lost my friends. I have become friends with his friends but not close enough to talk about this, especially knowing that my problems are mainly because of him.

No wonder you're depressed, it sounds like your situation in recent years has sucked out loud. Is it over with your partner?

Probably is, he cannot handle my depression, I have a thread in relationships here and the two are linked.

Unhappy relationship? Living with parents? Alcoholic parents? Not many friends? Frownie, anyone would be at the end of their tether. I was in a bad place in my late 20s, friends were all in relationships, I was recently heartbroken, my dad had died, my mum was a mad alcoholic married to a bloke who'd killed his first wife (!), I was ill and I lost my job. I put the idea of saving for a place of my own on hold for a while, moved into a house share and, er, married the guy who owned the house. Fourteen years and three kids later, I have a very nice life, thanks very much, but I have seen a number of other women go through something similar. All of them - every single one - is happy and settled now, but all of them - every single one - had to break free of whatever it was that was dragging them down. Usually toxic relationships.

I suppose I just have that hope deep down somewhere underneath all of the bad thoughts and anxiety that I will be happy again.

I have no doubt that you will. You are obviously an intelligent and articulate person who seems to have made some very brave choices. You have a lot to offer.

Thank you TyrannosaurusBex and hopefully in time I will believe it. I will update this tomorrow after my doctors appointment.

Good luck, hon x

I have written down what I need to say to the doctor. And am now finding ways to get through to half past 2. I did get through yesterday although I am not sure how. I just need to do the same today.

So break down the day into small chunks, 30 mins maybe. Got any boring mundane stuff to do? Ironing?! Lots of luck later, and don't be British about it, make sure you tell it like it is xx

Hi thank you. I am really struggling at the moment as I have just had another argument with my father. He is still drunk and will not listen to me. I literally do not know what to do. I know that I just need to focus on getting to the doctor and that is all I can focus on. I really do not think I have felt this complete and utter despair before.

Am sorry you're having such a struggle, particularly as Al-Anon can be such a help in dealing with alcoholic relatives, particularly in learning to take one day at a time. Have you thought of contacting them for help?

Well I have been to the doctors and explained everything, I have got depression and anxiety and have been given diazipam and citalopram, im just waiting for my prescription now. I am also being refered for councilling.

Glad you're getting some help. How do you feel about what the doctor said?

Having what I knew already confirmed by the doctors was a relief. He said that it was a good sign that I broke down when I got in there because it means that I want help. He said that he would be more worried if I did not break down and was cold because then that would mean that I didn't want help (hopefully that makes sense).

This thread is helping too. I have been signed off work for two weeks, I like my job so that is a positive.

I am so glad your doctor was sympathetic and that you have been referred for counselling. It helps when you feel you have somewhere to go. How are you feeling now?

I think the diazepam is kicking in now because for the first time in weeks I feel calmer.

I am going to start the Citalopram tomorrow, I did mention the adverse affects I had when taking Citalopram before where I cut myself and he said that if I feel like that again then to go see him straight away, but he gave me the same pills again because I am older and because I did get better before on them.

I am not sure but hopefully the diazepam will ease the symptoms whilst my body gets used to the citalopram.