Hi anyone got any advice?

[frowniefuckingface]

About 5 years ago I was diagnosed with depression, it was sorted at the time. I was given citalopram.

Over the past few months it has come back with a vengeance. I am constantly anxious and I feel like just ending it all. I have a doctors appointment on Monday, I suppose I am asking for some coping techniques to get me through tomorrow, I am not at work because I cannot cope.

Are you still on citalopram?

To try and get through, my dh will try distracting himself - things like going for a walk (not a 5 mile, just a stroll, on the flat only if it's just too hard, but we try and get somewhere quiet and in the country if we can). Or doing some gentle stretches at home.

Can you ring a friend and tell them what's on your mind? Or pour it out here. For my dh, you can sometimes see the burden lift a little bit if he lets his immediate worries out, even if nothing has changed at the end?

Keep on talking oh here to people who know what your going through, As for tomorrow, keep yourself occupied, have you got any hobbies/interests?
Go see a film/read a book but nothing scary that might raise your adrenaline levels.

Just keep chatting to us, tell us your worries and fears as we may be able to challenge them.

You can and you will get through this

Thank you for the reply, I have had no meds for 4 years, I have a thread in relationships. I haven't really got anyone to talk to in real life. I suppose I will spend tomorrow on mn! I just keep having periods of absolute and utter despair where I feel as though I am going to snap.

Well, you can post here for sure. You can also ring the Samaritans, and you can email them too. There are some specialist mental health forums out there as well.

Can you listen to music? how's your concentration? I find gentle not-too-overwhelming music, perhaps by a single instrument, helpful.

I can't concentrate on anything, I am only just able to post on here. I feel as though my whole world is caving in.

And when it gets too much to bare I have ended up biting myself. I fear that I am having a nervous breakdown. I have not eaten since Tuesday, I am not sleeping, I cant cope at work, and have been told to take some leave or get signed off because I cant keep going in an crying all day. I am not coping with anything. And I am not thinking clearly.

Please help me I feel as though I am suffocating.

Do you have family/friends supporting you through what sounds like a terribly debilitating illness?

Hi frownie, I'm all ready to listen. Sat on the floor in my bedroom drinking a cup of tea while chaos reigns in the rest of the house. I've been where you are before. Write down how you're feeling, and I'll stay and hold your hand until you feel a bit better

Just looked back through this thread and seen that you don't. Is it because you don't have anyone close or that people don't understand what you're going through?

I live with my parents but they are alcoholics and they are not listening to me. My partner is not here because we have fallen apart due to my illness.

I have e-mailed the samaritans, and I know that my doctors appointment tomorrow will help.

Living with alcoholic parents is a great pressure and is bound to have a huge impact on how you are feeling. Have they always had a problem with alcohol? A v wise friend once said to me that having an alcoholic mother has so much of a bearing on the way a child grows up. She is the centre of your world when you are little and when that core is experienced as unreliable, and wobbly, you grow up with feeling like that your own foundations are not built to last, sort of a house of cards scenario. (ps my mum's an alcoholic, although I don't live with her).

Are you at home now with them?

My late mother was an alcoholic. When in my 20s I told my GP that I felt I should move in with her to keep her company. He was horrified and pretty much said over his dead body, and that it would be disastrous for my emotional well being. Agree with Luckywinner, alcoholic parents have a huge bearing on the way we develop. Do you have any other options as to where you live?

Yep they are both drunk. And yes I am in the UK.

What has completely and utterly pushed me over the edge is yesterdays events.

On Friday night I had a few wines and poured my heart out to my mum. I also asked her not to get involved and she then sent a text to my partner telling him to collect his stuff and our dogs. I am just so angry. I have said that what is done is done but that I also do not want them to get involved. And when I say to them that I am not well and I cant cope with anything my father tells me to stop having a tantrum and see the affect that it is having on them.

I literally have no one to talk to in real life. So at the moment this is a lifeline.

I think it is so difficult when you trust someone with how you're feeling and then they behave in a way you didn't want them to. I don't know if you experience this but trust is fundamental to someone who is experiencing mental anguish, and it sounds as if you have been badly let down. And it also sounds like this is a not a new situation between you and your parents.

What are your plans today?

At the moment I cannot think beyond writing this message, I know that I will get through the day but I am not sure how. I may phone my brother later. And talk to him.

I'm assuming you're a mum, do your kids live with you?

I am not a mum, which is good considering.

In that case , the world will be your oyster once this illness has been managed. Have you eaten today?

Not since Tuesday, I have tried but I just cannot bring myself to eat. I am living off of diet coke and kalms tablets.

tbh I don't think it is a bad thing to not focus on the whole day in front of you. My psychiatrist used to make me write a timetable for the whole of the day but break it down into half hour slots. He had three rules. 1. You had to do what it was that you had written down, even if it felt like the effort to do it was as huge as climbing everest. 2. You had to include one form of physical activity (mine was usually walking round the block) even if it is going up the stairs and back down again! and 3. You have to factor in a half hour of treat/reward time after you had done the horrible tasks.

There is a whole buddhist philosophy called mindfulness that really helps with anxiety but it does take a bit of practice. Google it but it is basically the principle of staying in the moment. They believe that nothing is permanent, that although right now you feel like utter death and that it will last forever, it won't. because nothing does, and there will be an end to feeling like this. But to help you when you are feeling dreadful you must try not to think past the minute that you are in. I use it a lot as although I have come a long way (from having a mental breakdown) I still have moments of feeling overwhelmed. I always have a hair band on my wrist and I ping it whenever I feel my mind is wandering off into the future.

Also in one of your posts you said you were worried about having a breakdown. Does that really frighten you?
xx

Yes I am beside myself at the moment, I just cannot see a way out. I am scared that I will do something stupid.

Please give up the diet come for a start. It's full of caffeine which will make anxiety symptoms a lot worse.
If talking to your brother could be helpful, do that.
Just take one step at a time at the moment.

Diet COKE

If its not a stupid question, what is it about doing something stupid that frightens you?

Is your brother supportive? And please please try to eat something and stop with the caffeine. Easier said than done I know x