Been trying to hurt myself

[Hecubasdaughter]

I really want to punish myself, but no punushment seems enough for the fuck up I am. Even killing myself won't solve the burden on society that I have become. I never wanted to offend with my existance but since I do exist and am a fuckup I can't seem to fix it.

@ Oracle & LeBOF

Exactly what LeBOF and Oracle said.

What your DH needs to do is support you. Thats all he needs to do.

Support you by doing his own job hunting.
Support you by cleaning up around the house and looking after the children to give you a break.
Support you by going with you to the CAB to get all the advice you both can about what you are entitled to.

You can get better. When you are at the bottom of a serious depression and once that has gone on for so long, it can seem pointless doing anything as the illness means that you can't see how anything can get better. This is why it is so important that the first step for you is to get well.

Increase your medication & get counselling. There is no shame in this - I'm doing both at the mo myself.

You can get signed off from work - this won't affect whether you have to pay back enchanced mat leave and the time that you are signed off will count towards the time worked.

Then focus just on getting better as you will struggle to get a job while you are depressed. You will find that when you are better and in a positive frame of mind that interviews and applications will be easier to do and you will come across better. In the mean time if you want help with that then PM me and I will be more than happy to do so.