notthedaddy i so feel for you. My first PG i had very little sickness but i definitely had ante-natal depression. I was a wreck for my first 2 trimesters, just so upset about every little thing, i felt very like that woman in the guardian the other day - no idea what i was on the earth to do, no joy in anything. I'd lost myself.
then i was inexplicably cheerful in my last trimester.
then after i definitely had PND. I loved my child but my self esteem was rock bottom and and I felt being a mum was all i could ever do, and i couldn't do or be any of the things i was before - work, socialise, enjoy life. it was like my life had shrunk from this large, varied world of possibilities to a tiny grey postage stamp, with the only good thing my baby.
this time round i've had massive sickness and it's been so horrendous i've not been sure if my problems are physical or psychological.
my main trouble has been not being able to work (as a freelancer that's a problem). This knocks on to not being able to clean the house, get in the shower, wash my hair, wash my kid, cook meals. Everything has just ground to a halt. I have lost myself again. It's a bit different, and I can hide a lot more (last time I wasn't working from home). I don't yet know if it's worse or better - i'll tell you when the MS wears off.
i haven't had suicidal thoughts but i have wondered, if anything goes wrong with this PG, can i ever go through another first trimester?
i got in touch with the maternity mental health people and they were really good - definitely take as much sertraline as you need, they told me. i'm struggling on for now but i would later in the PG if i needed to.
I've also cobbled together the money for 1-2 months of counselling while i wait for the NHS to come through with some mindfulness/CBT counselling specifically for PG AND women.
I'm so sorry to hear you are having suicidal thoughts - it's the saddest thing. I hope you are only thinking, and that you know it is the chemical effect of pregnancy on your brain, and that you only have a short while to go, then you can raise your dose. did sertraline work well for you before?
Would you have left a longer age gap if you had planned it? i remember my DS was a hopeless sleeper at that age.
have you tried reading Pregnancy Blues (it's on amazon), its quite interesting.
the birderer so pleased you feel better
xxx