I have been sectioned.

[lazyhazydaisy]

I have just got access to the internet. I am much less petrified than I was at first but definitely 0 out of ten. I have a tribunal and if that fails I think I will be here until July. I feel as though I am living in a nightmare. I have never felt so alone.

I'd argue that there's a difference between OT and activity.

How old are your DCs Daisy? Are you able to spend time with them each week? Can you Skype them?

Doyouthink please don't bow out - we would all benefit from your expertise in mental health nursing. I would like to know if there is a different model of caring for mentally ill inpatients, from the one I saw as an inpatient. My CPN was horrified with the fact that nurses did not interact with the patients. The psych I had was known for not admitting patients and she worked for him, so consequently didn't have much experience of the wards. She made sure that she would visit patients on the ward more often if the psych did admit anyone.

I have bowed out of social work threads as I spent 30 years of my working life as a sw and tm mgr and some people just had more invested in "social worker bashing" but I don't think that is happening here. I for one would very much appreciate your views on inpatient MH wards.

There were things that we weren't supposed to do, but no one told us, like just helping another patient to the lunch queue (that rankled with me too, as I think you choose your meals in a main hospital but on psych wards you queued and there were a couple of choices usually.) I was just walking alongside a lady on a zimmer one day, wasn't touching her, and a nursing asst sort of pulled me away without saying anything, and I really didn't know what was going on and then he ushered me again to the queue so I asked him the reason and he said "X doesn't need any help" - so it would have been helpful had they told us this in the beginning, and I was only walking alongside her. Small thing I know but there were many unwritten rules that we had to find out for ourselves.

There was a truly awful nursing asst who shouted at people and said things like "Oy you" rather than use their name. She told me to "pull myself together" and I could barely believe my ears.........that was said to me 15 years ago in my first inpatient experience. I told my key nurse and she asked me who had said it but I wouldn't say as I was very intimidate by this horrid person. One day I heard her say "well I ay elpin anybody ere - got evough troubles of my own") Another nursing asst told me to "cheer up" OMG why are people allowed to work on psych wards, when they don't appear to understand the basics of mental illness and how it manifests itself in patients.

There were a couple of people with alzheimers who were awaiting a place on the right ward, but they were full. One man was very aggressive and he did scare some of us, but I had the sense to know that he could not help his behaviour but some of the nursing staff were horrid to him. He always "came alive" as it were in the evening (and I believe that is a classic pattern for people with this mental illness) and fortunately the night staff came on, and for some reason were in general so much better than the day staff, though no one talked to any of us - they still talked between themselves.

Ah well all for now....

Sounds like a description of hell NN. If you put a well person in a situation like that, they'd be cuckoo before too long eh?

I just can't stand it and I feel I am going mad. I was supposed to go home today to assess the damage done by the police and to fetch important documents like my passport. They took me away, handcuffed, in barefeet and only the clothes I was wearing at the time. I was not drunk, drugged or violent.

And I have still not gone to visit the house. I feel like screaming and am in anguish. Nothing happens here. I am going to try to force myself to read a book and then I am going to have a 'chat' with my allocated nurse.

It is hell. I should not be here. There are some people here who truly have had terrible hallucinations, delusions, etc. Some of these are people I believe and respect.

I am giving up the will to live, I really am. God knows what will happen when I get out. I can't contemplate it. The utter humiliation, the stigma, and I still have exactly zero 'insight'.

Geniune question: Do you truly believe you are completely mentally well? Or just not ill enough to be inpatient?

Reason I ask is because I was inpatient once for anorexia for 6 months. They were trying to get me in for months, but I didn't believe I was "ill enough". When I finally relented I was 4.5 stone, and it was almost too late.

There was a lot of boredom, but that's part of it - thinking things over, resting, sleeping, chilling. I started doing sketches, and soon the nurses were bringing in photos of their pets for me to do pet portraits for them. I found some of the other patients terrifying, but once I just accepted it, it got a lot easier...

Oh Daisey sorry you are feeling so crap but this is because of your illness and needing to be in hospital. When you are better, you will be able to look back and see that you did need to be in hospital. You don't need your passport do you - it will be much safer kept at home surely.

I know that the thoughts about how you were treated by police is at the front of your mind. I did suggest you type a letter to the Superintendent of POlice for the force that were involved with you. The staff can find the adress for you.

YOu really need to try to just take one day at a time when you are so ill, and don't worry about what happens when you are discharged - maybe you are worrying about who saw you being taken from your home in handcuffs etc. Believe me, people are far more interested in themselves than in other people.

Springydaffs No it wasn't like hell - I can't say that. The main trouble is that you are among patients with all different kinds of mental illness, some of which can be distressing for both the patient and the other patients. And the boredom - you have to be able to find ways of getting through the days as they are very long. I was lucky and had visitors every evening but some people had very few visitors or some none at all.

Also the fact that the staff don't talk to you about the things that might have contributed to your mental illness. Oh yes I've just remembered my "care plan" was given to me by my key nurse (who was quite nice) and she looked a bit surprised when I said that I thought a "plan" should be made with my involvement! I think the positives are that you don't have any responsibilities and that in itself is a relief because when severely depressed you can't really cope with the simplest thing.

Sorry you are feeling so bad.

I wonder how on earth doctors and nurses can distinguish the entirely rational and natural shock at being taken by force out of your home, put in a police van, forced into hospital, deprived of your liberty and possessions from the effects of the illness? Of course they don't section people without believing they have a reason, but anybody would be in shock and bewildered - how do they disentangle that so they aren't treating things which are normal and transient as evidence of illness? And what are they doing to reassure people who arrive in a shocked state? From lazy's account, it sounds like very little - just administering medicine.

Really feel for you , daisy . Haven't much useful to say atm , except that you will get out of this nightmare , and it will all be livable with , 99 .99 % of the time .
If you aren't unwell enough to be there , the facts will out , though you may not have full "closure" , ie be able to say to every single person involved in your sectioning & stay that you were "right" all along . If you do need some form of treatment , you may eventually breceive the most appropriate medication during your stay ( though not , at this rate , not the talking therapy ) .
If there has been a serious mistake about your mh , there will be people who will relate to the trauma you have been experiencing & you can recover your self esteem and be stronge than ever , though marked by the distress.

Agree , edam . Please do consider LittleWaveyLines ' question to yourself when you feel up to it ( I'm sure you've asked yourself many times , but sadly you'll realise it needs to be reviewed regularly ) . So true NanaNina , about neighbours etc being far more interested in themselves than others

I have not had access to the internet until this morning. I was supposed to go home for an overnight visit (to assess the damage done by the police, face the stuffed fridge, etc.

That visit didn't happen, nor the next day, then on Wednesday, when I actually got to see my psychiatrist and his 'team'.

He told me fairly suddenly that I was going to be given a week's leave, from 3pm that day, being taken home by a member of the 'Chaos' team.

I think that they realised I was just taking up a bed.

I feel completely traumatised. My house is not secure. When the member of the Chaos team eventually go me home on Wednesday night, at about half past eight. The smell was appalling and the door is broken and the keys useless. I even got three copies of the keys made, because I thpught they had put in a new lock.

And my phone had been cut off.

I am technically section lll 'unescorted leave'.

LWL asked if I consider myself mentally unwell. I do. I feel completely traumatised in every respect from this experience. They have dropped delusions and hallucinations and paranoia, to my relief.

The most unexpected delight at being released, if only for a week, was not having to be completely aware of the patient who was absolutely convinced that I was out to kill her.

I hadn't realised how affected I had been by that. At least the entire staff knew about it and it was not the undisproveable charge of paranoia.

Great post from Monday, Edam. The 'observations' done by staff in the first hours, days and weeks were observations of someone not only mentally but physically traumatised. What is the appropriate reaction? Ferrero Roche all round?

do you have a back door? a back door with a key. You could secure your front door from the inside and use your back door to come in and out.

I agree with you and edam. What you have been through beggars belief daisy. It makes no sense.

For reasons completely unknown to me, the backdoor is locked from the inside and there is no sign of a key. It is a terraced house so no access from the back. I can jump out of back window in the event of a fire, so I am not really mentioning that at the moment. I am hoping to find a key to fit it.

I didn't mention either the locked backdoor, or the unsecured front door (they think I can lock it with a bolt, but there is not bolt) in case they had to take me back to that place.

I am very very confused about everything. I have loads of paperwork to sort out and I am (and I am sure this sounds paranoid, but wait until it happens to you) paranoid about the cops coming back, even though the door is unlockable any way.

Each morning, but especially the first, Thursday, I kept telling myself that I was free. To come and go, to have access to my own possessions. It is awesome how quickly the most reluctant person (me) can become institutionalised.

I can't secure the front door at all. They got a locksmith or someone to nail what looked like table legs against it. The key for the front door is completely redundant.

We called an expatient who lives locally and he came straight round with his tool box to gain entry. Otherwise I would have had to have gone back to hospital.

I have put two largish calor gas cannisters by the front door which would give me a bit of notice of intruders.

I have a bill of c£140 from the locksmith, just for securing the door, not for putting in a new lock and repairing the damage. Any ideas whose bottom I should stick it up? I will check house insurance I suppose.

I am far more scared of the police and the Chaos team than of random intruders. I will try to work out how to post pictures of my badly bruised wrists on mn.

Have you got any friends nearby who could come round to help you? Sounds like it would be good to get some support.

Can't face anyone or anything. I have plenty to do, plenty; need to make sense of it all. I am pleased to be alone. I hope that you remember that I was dragged out in bare feet by manhandling police, and then the rest.

I thought that because you have been through such a traumatic time it would be good to talk it through with someone in RL who isn't 'staff'/doing their job.

I can imagine that, at some point, you could really use a chance to talk this through with someone (like a psychologist/therapist) as I can imagine it could leave some real scars. For now, my own thoughts are that things must be incredibly raw.

Daisy - just seen your thread. Hope you're getting the undisturbed rest you need and deserve.

You mentioned your solicitors, said they were good? Could one of them see the evidence for him/herself in your house whilst you're there?
The door - we had a back door key stolen - we knew who'd taken it - and the Police paid an emergency team at a local Housing Association to replace it. We're not a HA property but they offered this as houses must be secure. OK, this is the handiwork of the Police but you're 'allowed' to be in your home right now - and the Police have a duty to ensure your safety. They can't haul you back - Otherwise please secure your door by some other means.
You have a few days - use them to look after yourself and get all the practical support/help you can.

You'll get through this, you know.

Thank you. I do only have a few days. I don't really know where to begin. I am still reading my medical notes. Again, I would urge anyone in this position to apply for their medical notes, which take up to 21 days to arrive..

I am very grateful to you all. I was petrified (is that an exaggeration?) in the first few weeks, until I was allowed out to get this laptop.

I am just so grateful to be out. From my medical notes, I was fairly good, apart from my refusal to get involved in OT. Is the point really to bore one better? Or to amuse one whilst the drugs kicked in.

Neither

wup, that was a bit blunt upward.

Been thinking about you a lot daisy. How are you today?

Brief maybe, but not blunt. Lazy does give two alternatives neither of which are true so Upward's answer makes sense. And in her further defense she knows what she's talking about!

maybe I didn't understand daisy's q's - re better to bore one or amuse one while the drugs kick in. somebody enlighten me please?

She was wondering if the point of OT was to bore or to amuse. Whereas it's meant to keep you gently active, to create structure in the day, to help you express things (if done well, let's leave the gluing and sticking out of that one) and to make the time pass (days in hospital are long and boring whatever you are in for)