I can't take another year of this. Reclaiming my life from anxiety/depression/insomnia.

[racingmind]

Hi everyone.

Long story short- I have had recurrent episodes of anxiety and depression for most of my adult life and suffer from chronic insomnia. Since becoming pregnant 2 years ago I have been ill pretty much constantly- the anxiety in particular has been really bad. On a good day I struggle in particular with making any kinds of decisions and on a bad day i just struggle with life in general. I wake up a lot in the early hours flooded with adrenalin for no specific reason and am always tired and generally feel like crap.

I have a lovely partner who has put up with a lot due to my mental health but our relationship has been at breaking point many times recently as a result. We have aso had a massively stressful year for other reasons. I am overweight from the side effects of various meds, which is something I am actively trying to address. The dr is taking me off my sleeping pills over the next couple of weeks and I don't know how I'm going to cope with that.

Basically I have had 2 years solid of feeling bloody awful and I'm literally sick and tired of it. Its a new year and a fresh start and I'm determined to beat this somehow, for myself, my partner and most of all my little son as I don't want him to be affected by my probems. Like many people in my situation I guess, I have done the rounds with various mh professinals and I have to say that far more helpful to me is talking to other people who have had the same problems as I dont think you can really understand these things unless you have actually experienced them first hand.

When I say I want to beat this I dont mean I expect to wake up one day without any problems I just want my mental health to stop being the focus of my life and all this kind of hoping that the next tablet/ dr/ therapy will somehow "cure me". And when I say its best for me to talk to other ppl who've been through this I don't mean lets just have a good moan or dwell on all our problems on here, I guess I mean does anyone feel like starting a kind of mutually supportive, positive/ recovery focused style thread with me? To maybe share what works and keep each other going when things don't?

All the best, rm xxx

As soon as I saw your name Jomal I knew you would be once again advertising the Linden method. I too have tried to find out more about it, too see if maybe my scepticism was unfounded, but fact is that until you pay up you don't really find out what it is about. And that is a red marker.

Whether or not it works however, it will not be the one size fits all solution you are telling people it is.

I have to say, no offence jomal, that i did have a similar response to seeing your name as madmouse as I have seen you on several other threads doing the same without ever actually explaining what the Linden method is. I guess you are just very enthusiatic about it(!).

I have to go out now but will post later on what i found out about the Linden method from an article in a magazine article which is the clearest info I have been able to find as my experience has been the same as yours madmouse.

Have a great afternoon all xx

racing you've coped brilliantly. And birlliant on the swimming! So annoying when pools are closed, that happened to me a couple fo weeks ago.

Having all just got over norovirus, my DD2, who was hospitalised before Christmas for asthma, started getting a cold and wheeze again last night. AND our boiler broke.

It was freezing this morning getting up and ready (no hot water, no heating) and I came into work and it was awful, lots of stuff seemed to have blown up and there was a lot to get to grips with. However, i have tried to tackle just one thing at a time.

But feel i'm coping with it quite well - in fact have just been asked to lead a big project at work. So pleased. Bit nervous, but pleased!

There is a big difference in my outlook since i stopped drinking, it is much more positive. DD2 was up a LOT of the night, and even though I am really tired, my deep sleep has been much deeper and when I wake in the night I can go back to sleep which is a major step forward.

Thanks guys. I really can't tell you how badly this kind of thing would have affected me a couple of months ago, I would have overeacted something terrible, overapologised and beat myself up hugely. I have a big problem with obsessive thinking and really surprised myself today when I managed to just forget about the whole thing for the afternoon, go out to the shops and buy myself a new swimming costume (with only a bit of emotional pain about the state of my body haha). I just want to stop feeling like a bloody victim I guess.

cristiane how is your little one now? I really feel for you re the boiler because I'm someone who really feels the cold and beng without heat and hot water is just horrible and stressful. Well done about your work tho that sounds great, you must be doing really well despite all the prolems you've faced. I am interested in what you say about the booze- do you mind me asking how much were you drinking before you gave up and do you not miss it/ crave it at all?

Ok ladies here is some info for all those of you who may be wondering about the mysterious Linden Method. I came across an article in Easy Living from August 2011 and I wish I could just link you to it but I can't so I'll try and give you the gist. The woman who wrote it went on the Linden Method Anxiety Recovery Retreat which costs £2,700 for 3 days. She says, "The Linden Method philosophy is that conventional therapy is useless, believing that the more you concentrate on your anxiety the more you place it centre stage.... that anxiety is not a seperate entity beyond our control; it is a habit that only we can break." Have to say I do agree with that bit. The retreat involves tutoring in breathing, positive thinking and diverting negaitve thoughts, etc. So nothing earth shatteringly new or ground breaking for those of us who have been around all the usual anxiety stuff for a while-she says "Everything (the resident psychologist) said was the sort of good sense we all intrinsically know, but was voiced with such authority it felt new. The big message was that while exagerrated fears may come from the unconscious mind, the conscious mind must take command and act "non-anxiously".

The article mentions that Linden has been criticised for taking a lot of ideas from CBT and "embelishing it and marketing it as his own, one true way" which is "overpriced", and its also knocked for being too surface level without ever examining the deep rooted causes of people developing anxiety, which should equally not be ignored or continually dwelt upon.

There is a lot more very interesting stuff in the article but these are the "Nine Pillars" of anxiety reduction Linden style:

1. Stop visiting every practitioner you can find (I have)
2. Talk to your dr about withdrawing from your medication (have done- talked about it but not quite ready to take the plunge on this one yet)
3. Stop researching your condition (yup I google no more)
4. Only follow this method (I'm not really following any method just not giving into my mind all the time)
5. Stop talking about your condition (I have except on here and I do think that has helped me and my relationship with dp, however I think some people do need an outlet at times)
6. Stop leaning on other people (never really had this opportunity)
7. Dont hold onto memories of your condition (trying not to)
8. Divert your mind- make it your new habit (exactly what I try to do)
9. Stop accomodating your anxiety (one thing i was always quite big on actually as i really resented my mental health ruling my life having said that I think I'd have done a hell of a lot better in life without it)

By the way I had decided to do all this stuff before reading the article just because I've reached the end of my thether with anxiety really. But I hope this has been of some value to those of you who were curious about the Linden thing. Either that or this has just been helluva long winded post xx

There's a similar sleep intervention which is supposed to help with depression, and may be linked to some theory about dreaming. I think that one involves staying up all night and then the next day and then going to sleep at normal time, but am going by memory and daren't google atm or I'll be off in cyberspace all night, knowing me

Aaaargh sorry drumlin just realised you gave us a link to that info already- I didn't have time to read through it properly before. sorry guys for any repetiton! But thats the Linden method covered anyway!

V interested to hear all your views on it anyway. Also wonder why none of the people who have popped up on threads and pmed me recommending it would never just explain what it was I mean it didn't take me to long there did it, and scuse the cliche but it is clearly not rocket science- though as Drumlin's link says their is a lot of pseudo scientific stuf on the website.

I am all for the stop going on about it and divert your mind approach to anxiety, I just dont like the shrouding it in mystery and charging lots of money to find out about it, it all just makes me imagine Charles Linden as the wizard of Oz somehow, iyswim.

Thats great you've been feeling better drumlin. I guess mindfulness and distracting your self is really the best way for me too as I used to have the same obsesive toughts, usually about mistakes I thought I'd made over and over again. I know exactly what you mean about the moments when you think maybe this is what normal life could be like.

I have also seen 3 (!) friends this week which is really very unlike me as without realisng it I have become quite insular as seeing other people and "pretending to be ok" just seems too exhausting most of the time. Being more sociable is however also a distracton if I dont give in to the urge to tell people I feel like crap. For instance this morning I am shattered but a couple of friends are meeting and asked me to come along so I'm going to try and force myself because otherwise its just me and ds with me trying to cop with feeling edgy and on the brink of losing it cos I'm so tired.

How is everyone else- whats your weekend plans? Any heating yet cristiane?

Hi guys,
I wonder if i can join your thread. I have been suffering from anxiety/depression since my teens really. (im 41) when I was younger i thought it was just a personality issue, that i was naturally shy and introverted, Afer my second DS was born i suffer PND/Anxiety and i started taking medication - setraline- I also had some CBT . I found both forms of therapy very useful and started to feel alive again. Part of feeling alive made me seriously look at my marriage ( 10 years at the time) and over the nex few years i serioulsy questioned its future, medication and the counselling helped manage the unhappiness i felt in the relationship - so to cut a long stroy short my husband and i offically split up 18 monts ago. Whilst in some ways i am a lot happier , i.e life is much calmer , i can organise the house children etc my way ( and dont have to worry about organising another adult , who behaved like achild) single parentood has also brought a lot of stresses, i.e finacial issues, (well i had that before) 24 hour a day responsibility for the boys, etc. I tend to beat myself up for not being able to make the marriage work, feeling selfis and as a failure as a parent. :( I also tend to blame my H for everytihing going wrong but then he has his own mental hhealth problems as well.

Medication really does help me when i take it regulary, just at the moment i cant see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I ope i can find some friends here, ( another one of my issues)
Right , now i must get out of bed and go shine my sink or some such thing.

Hi corine glad you have joined us. How had your day gone?

Thanks racing, was just beginning to thin I killed the thread. today has been ok , took my young DS to his swimming lesson and took the opportunity to have a swim myself . First lot of exercise I've done in months and im knackered. Had a little nap and am wondering how I'm going to fill the evening . Kitchen to clean ( had an early dinner)

Also I weighed myself this morning , will go back to WW on Tuesday , too depressing for words . Sigh

Hi corine
Well done on swimming

I am having a shitty day. I am so bored of holding everything together

Ha no corine I thought the same myself its been so quiet on here the last couple days..I am battling my weight too so I feel your pain.

Whats happening cristiane? x

how is your DH doing cristiane? I didnt realise how seriously my H was affected until we spilt. Definetly worse than me

Hello, all, sharing how rubbish we feel is kind of a help though

I have been a bit stressed dealing with divorce stuff, luckily the kids are grown, so I can focus on me, and tbh have been going back to bed with a hot water bottle for an hour as I find that helps me. Also stbx and I are still in the same house, so can hide from him at the same time!

That sounds quite a stressful situation pinkpussycat, but being able to go back to bed with a hot water bottle also sounds like total bliss!

I am feeling really sad tonight and I dunno if anyone is about but och, I have this constant dilemma at the back of my mind and no one in rl understands so here goes nothing. I have been on the verge of tears since watching a programme about midwives and women giving birth earlier tonight because I have such great sadness at the thought that I will probably never be able to have another baby.

Please dont get me wrong, my ds is incredible and I am so so grateful for him as for a long time I did not think I would ever have a child. I just feel so upset that I may never be able to hold another little newborn or give him a brother or sister, mainly because of my bloody mental health and also because of my age (late, late 30s) and dp's job. Basically, pregnancy was hell for me mentally the anxiety was unbearable and a lot of this was because of my age and beingtold I was "high risk"- I became obsessed with something being wrong with my baby and that I would not be able to cope with that. Also how the hell would I cope with a toddler and a new born on my own when I dont sleep and would have to come of all my medication? I would like to see how i feel in another year or so but am too scared of being pregnant again in my 40s- I know loads of people are these days including close friends but it triggers my obsessional thinking. So the longer I leave the decision in order to give my mind time to heal from the last year or two, the worse the anxiety about my age gets and its a hellish catch 22.

So sorry if anyone thinks I am being insensitive if you are or have been pregnant at an "older" age I do not mean to be at all I'm just explaining my anxiety. I also do not mean to offend anyone it is just my ability to cope mentally that is the problem. Remember I am on my own without dp for half of every month and have no other support.

Anyway just feeling really down about it right now and wishing things were different as I would dearly love the chance of another baby. None of my friends understand this- one said recently when I said I'd had an anxious pregnancy "But this time you wouldn't have time to be anxious"(because I have ds)- as if there was ever a choice, as if it was something I had to have time to do.

Sorry, I will probably get this post deleted in hindsight I just felt like I needed at outlet for that tonight.

Hi racing mind. It is a dilema isnt it, you would like another baby but dont think you could risk going through the heightened anxiety again. I had a lot of anxiety during both my pregnancies too, (suprise suprise) first one xH spent most of it abroad wih his ill father, and i was told i was at high risk for downs, didnt go through with an amnio as was worried about miscarriage risk. DS was born healthy and fine , next prgagnacy miscarried and 17 weeks, the next one i was obvioulsy panic stricken for the entire time. I did have a really good consultant though and had regular scans to reassure me.
I think coping with a toddler and a new born is pretty hard work for the best of us, but remeber by the time you actually got pregnant and had the next one the toddler probably wouldnt be a toddler anymore.:) You can also tell youself that you had one successful pregnancy so why couldn you have another..... ( I know the answer to that, but hey!!)
I think we all feel a sense of sadness though when we decide not too have anymore children, that newborn stage is so precious and so fleeting.

Anyway i had a good day today, i took the boys to london aqaurium. I did get anxious whilst in the que thinking my CC was going to be rejected even though there was no reason for it too, i was worried about diapointing the kids.
I cam home and DS 1 felt sick , and then i noticed the toilet was blocked. Thankfully was able tog et someone out for the overflowing oilet as DS has vomitting and the runs, thank god for British gas homeserve. obvoulsy have been feelign anxious tonight, but coping. Problem solved now, at DS can be ill in the night and we can go to the loo again!!!!!

Also joining this thread, if that's ok and offering sympathy to racingmind and others on here. Should start by saying on the outside of it I have a great life, recently moved overseas, have a job, enough money, beautiful child, happy marriage, loved by my family etc, but ALL of my life, in fact since a bereavement in early childhood I have suffered from bouts of really disabling generalised anxiety. It's not ruining my life, but rather it's a TOTAL nuisance and gets in the way of my spare time and means I can never just relax and be happy - it's almost as if I correlate relaxing and not 'over thinking' with dropping the ball and bringing some kind of horror on myself - that's how it feels - so if I worry - bad stuff wont happen. Silly, and non-sensical, but nonetheless that's how it is.

Over the years I have received some talking treatment as it were but it [the anxiety] always came back. Any mechanisms for coping that can be shared, books that might help, or other innovations in handling it - as well as the moral support clearly evident here - would be appreciated.

Hi and welcome mumofstan. A book that always stood out for me is Susan Jeffers "End the Struggle and Dance with Life". She's the woman who wrote Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway and bits of it are a bit corny (as these things tend to be) but she does also talk a lot of sense. I also read a LOT of trashy magazines btw which are a little bit of stress relief for me when trying to sleep i just lose myself momentarily in the utter meaninglessness of the world of z list celebrities etc.

Thankyou corine my god your pregnancies sound really stressful. I'm sorry that happened to you but at least someone else understands it can be really difficult. No one I know in rl understands my anxiety about it at all.

Last night, already a bit upset, i did a stupid thing and watched a very depressing and disturbing film on the tv and then couldn't sleep until 2am. Ds woke me at 4 and I've been awake pretty much ever since after finally bringing him into my bed where he fussed and fidgeted until I just got up. I am proud to say I had him out all morning at soft play and did a bit of rfood shoppingbut now i have really kind of ground to a halt. Am sat in my total bombsite of a house freezing cold (heatin g on full blast, dressing gown over clothes) because I'm so exhausted about to lose my mind if I have to read the goddamn gruffalo just one more bloody time- my son is also knackered and staggering around like a drunk but refusing to give into it.

How the hell do I get through til bedtime???

Hi all - i havent been able to catch up on whole thread - but im definately with you all in spirit - and another 'reclaimer' .

(on low dose AD. Had ups and downs since original PND 12 years ago. Downs (anxiety based) have been really bad - but had lovely times too)

I can help on the LM question as I did pay for it a couple of years ago. I was feeling v desperate and frankly would have paid anything to anyone. My view of it was that it made interesting reading and was certainly rooted in common sense but it wasnt the cure all for me - although i know some people say that it was for me.

My 'theory' now is to have a basketful full of things to help me. (so rather than relying on one single thing. So eg. gentle exercise (even just walking), plenty of sleep, low dose medication, fish oils, breathing exercises, cbt, cutting out sugary drinks, keeping blood sugar levels even etc etc etc.

Sorry - have i already said all of that on this thread ?? .

Take care

Dear all and specifically redheadsunited

I am currently 7 months pregnant and and in a state of acute anxiety/depression; I have had flareups before over the last 5 years and each time I have had to alter my meds. Have been on various SSRIs - paroxetine worked wonders but I came off coz they said it wasn't good for pregnancy. however, since then I have tried other ssris...at the moment I am in a pretty desperate state and am on 20mg escitalopram *which has worked for over a year) plus the psych has prescribed 200mg quetiapine. Am really worried about effect on baby but he seems to think it should be fine. However, I am in a bit of a state of desperation because I feel the antidepressant has stopped working and that now even though the quetiapine has tempered the anxiety a bit I am still very anxious and very depressed.
Do you think there is hope for me to get better if I change the antidepressant again? Two psychs have suggested venlafaxine (an SNRI) and mirtazipine but I am not sure what to do. I have another appointment on Friday with the psych and just clinging on til then. Have had to cancel work, am at parents' as hubby is away on business for two weeks. Just need some positive feedback and hope. Going to see a CBT therapist next week too but can't help feeling that medication is my main way of recovery, then I can have the space to work on my thought patterns etc.

Please help if you can

thanks

also feel that my hormones may have upset the chemical balance??