Please help me - PND and anxiety - coping with 6 week old

[Gina1981]

Why are the mornings always the hardest?? I wake with anxiety really early and I'm a wreck! Also suffering with getting to sleep and wake frequently!

I'm bf DD and have another 2DC and I can barely look after myself let alone them! DH is doin his best but has to work long hours so am left to it all!

My 6 week old DD is very demanding and am exhausted and to be honest can't be bothered to do anything any more!

Please help me as I feel like curling in a ball and wishing I wasn't here!

If you are struggling to sleep maybe you should get your vitamin b12 checked as although about 9 months ago i was diagnosed with PND i was still struggling to sleep, i recently went to the doctors and had a blood test which came back low in vitamin b12, apparently sleeplessness and psychological disturbance is a symptom of being low in b12. x

I'm also having an 'in the middle' day Gina...however, LO woke at 4.30am, and needed feeding. I had something in my eye and rubbed it...clearly too much as I suspect I scratched it. LO went back to sleep, and instead I spent the next two hours with a cold compress on my eye, desperately trying to sleep despite the agony. I hopped in the shower to rinse it at 6.30am, and eventually fell asleep again somewhere around 7.30ish.

To top it off, LO has been a real pickle today (out of routine/crying lots/throwing up milk all over the place). It hasn't brought me down, but it's made me really question things. I knew to expect tough days with parenting, but sometimes I do wonder if there was no PND, whether I would copy with these types of testing days better.

Have you worked out which type of day you're having Ellenandbump?....(is there a bump at the moment?).

My little boy is 18months and is so full of mischief its exhausting. I try to get him to sit cuddled up with me to read to him but he wont stay still!! wondering if he is hyperactive. Today is a bit of a down really. I feel quite helpless as to everything going on around me. Nothing seems to be working out easily. Why does everything have to be so difficult?

Hello everyone sorry I've been away at work today which I thought would help as yesterday was he'll on earth. I slept well after downloading a relaxation app and using the rescue remedy sleep stuff. But still this morning was sick with nerves panic etc steadily calmed down and had a good chat with my mum this afternoon so feeling ok this evening .... Doc prescribed me Valium yesterday which threw me a bit tbh scared me a bit my mum and sis think there's nothing wrong with it if I really can't control it just to give me some short term relief .... Ellen you took it didn't you did it help at all .... Overall just feeling confused but better than yesterday which is a good thing hope you are all ok x

I was given diazepam, which did help a little, to be honest. But sometimes the best thing really is just opening up vand talking about it. Sometimes it is about getting the short term meds in order to get yourself back on the straight after being on the rollercoaster that is PND. Hope it helps you too. x

Yes this is diazepam I haven't taken the script to the pharmacy yet so I'll see. I've asked for counselling but it could be
Months apparently. I talk about it lots to my family which really helps, just being understood helps x

It took them about three weeks for me to get counselling. Diazepam is really good and i didnt get any side effects from it. Its worth a go. Honestly, i would at least try it. x

How long did you take it for the idea that it's addictive scares me are you still on ads? Did it take you a while to recognise your PND I'm only admitting it 14 months later sorry for all the questions x

i took it probably for a few months and i am still on anti depressants, i wasnt diagnosed until my little one was about ten mon ths. It took me ages to recognise it and even longer to get help. In the end it ended up with me in floods of tears one day and my husband taking me to the doctors and demanding someone see me. I was put into respite for three days. It is very scary i know being put on something that is addictive. They will gradually reduce your dose i dont doubt, and to be honest if ataking some tablets means you can cope and have a better quality of life until you get counselling then it really is worth it, i am quite well now 18 months on considering how i was but still have up and down days, but now i am unsure whether its the PND or just my circumstances, probably alot of both. x

Thank you for your honesty Ellen. I too have ignored it for months and now have just hit a wall x

No problem. If i can help anyone else i will. It also helps me to talk about it. I dont feel that people with PND should be made to feel like they cannot talk about it. You should be allowed to and so i do. Eventually it does get to a point you cant cope, just wish i had got help earlier, x

Thanks for the advice ellenandbump. I'll mention it to the doc when I go in a week! How are you feeling today?

Would feel better if my sister didnt go on and on and on and on....... Wish housing would get sorted out quickly! Feel less tired and sleeping better since completing my course of vit b12. x

Must look into the vitB12 definitely

Cant do no harm. I only found out cos my doctor done bloods and it came back on them. x

morning ladies, how are you all doing..?
I've not been able to get on the laptop for a few days so i'm sorry not to have been much support of late. I can read and catch up from my phone but replying can be tricky!

Its been really good to read up on your conversations, i find it comforting to know that others are going through the same trials as i am.

I too might look into B12 deficiency as i didn;t realise this would effect things so much.

I too have had a few 'middle' days... it feels like i cope better when i switch off or even disassociate myself with people/things/rest of the world. I often talk talk to myself in my head and tell myself that as long as i can get through today and tonight i'll be one day closer to feeling better soon and DS2 closer to being less colicy. Doesn't always work, i often have to live each day one hour at a time but i get through it somehow.

I find night times harder than mornings, i think his is because DH works shifts so i'm often having to cope with the rough times on my own as he is either working or sleeping :(

I'm not on any medication..... trying to get through without it for now. I have also arranged to see a councillor on tuesday next week. I'm hoping to talk myself through this if that makes sense!!

Poor DS1 (4years old) can see things aren;t right.. he just came to me this morning and told me that he loves me and that i am a good mummy and that i shouldn't be sad anymore. It made me laugh yet want to cry too.

PND is a very lonely thing to go through isn't it.....

WHat;s everyone up to ?
I've got a friend coming over for lunch to see new baby, then DH should be home from work. Think i might talk him into a take away tonight :)

It can be very lonely and you do feel alone sometime but you arent. Have you tried infacol for colic? It helped an enormous amount with my son who was also very colicy. And please dont think i am mad BUT it does really help to take them out in the pushchair and go over rough ground and let them bounce about alot. I used this theory as it was something someone i knew got told to do with their horse (obviously in a trailer) and it does work, cobbles are probably the best or a bumpy pavement. x

Oneveryhappymama, how old is your LO?

I'm really finding it hard to look after all 3dc and do everything else!! DD3 is coming up to 8 weeks now and is so demanding! I'm so exhausted and have really bad back ache! I don't have time to bath myself let alone the kids, I barely eat properly and the house is a complete mess! I'm going out of my mind! When will life get any better??

Gina you are wonder-woman for looking after 3 children, and a running a house too!! I am hanging on by a thread and i've only got 2 children.

DS1 is 4 yrs old, a wonderful, beautiful independent little boy who is soo in une with what is going on around him. Like today for example, DH was at work (shift worker) so DS and i were having breakfast together, DS2 started kicking off and was inconsolable. DS1 sensed my anxiety and could see i was not in very happy place.. he came over and gave me a big hug and said that he loves me and that i am the best mummy in the whole world :) Stupid me.. i wasn;t sure whether i should be happy that he thinks this way or sad that my anxiety and sadness is soo visible even to a four year old.... but this is me over analysing things as usual!!

DS2 is just over 5 weeks old.. he is a good baby really. My anxiety comes from the fact that DS had such bad colic that even the slight hint of a cry from DS2 invokes such strong memories of colic that it literally makes me sick, and on came the PND.

How did your day go Gina?
Do you have anyone to help you with stuff around the house and the children?
Can the children do more to help you at all....?
I feel for you as i know back ache and children are not a good combination. painkillers will only work best if you rest too... easier said than done though.
Just remember you are doing the very best that you can, and you are always your harshest critic.

How has everyone else's day been...?

I had a good day.. friend came to visit with her 2 DD's and DS1 loved playing with them, we had lunch, then mum came over with dinner :)

Now i'm shattered and can;t wait until bedtime.

My little man is now in bed. Feel exhausted mixture of stress and worry and doing tooo much i think. Need to relax a little, but today has been a good day, minus the sister being a cow. Just not looking forward to the week ahead. I should find out whether the housing solicitor thinks i have a homeless case to pursue and appeal and whether the ex is going to accept contact, but he has already told me he wont, so lots of stress. His solicitor will get the letter monday as i got my copy of it today! So if i am on here venting anger at anything please feel free to ignore me or tell me to take a deep breath. I am glad to see no one seems to be having a really bad day! Maybe we can all help each other to feel better? x

Goodness Ellen you really have got a lot to deal with. It must be very stressful. Venting here is what it's all about, it's certainly helped me.
I take it your sister is not helping :(

I've had an awful day tbh. Dd3 has Been feeding pretty much all day! As I'm EBF no one else can help! DH has been at work today too and I've just about managed to brush my teeth and wash my face! I've spent pretty much the whole day in bed! Dc have had to look after themselves. I feel so sad that life has changed so much since dd3 came along and am finding the change hard to accept!

I can't stop thinking what life was like before and how happy I was. Now all I feel is misery and have spent the day in tears! I'm so tired that I feel like walking out and never coming back. I honestly feel like I'm going insane.

Dd3 is such hard work. I keep wanting to wake up from this nightmare

Poor you. I remember how that feels and i only have one. What kept me going i think was lucozade tablets. Have you considered formula feeding? As they do hungry formula which does help feel them up, which i was told to use from about three months and it did last him until he was 5 and a half, after which he was feeding constantly so started to introduce solids. I feel so sorry for you have you spoken to your partner and HV about how you are feeling? My sister is the most unhelpful, she thinks she is such a perfect parent, WHICH IS EASY TO SAY seeing as she has got none and nothing else going on in her life! x

Gina you're feelings and thoughts are exactly the same as mine.... For me Life was soooooo much easier with one child, now I feel regret, remorse and guilt that I've had another and screwed things up.
I'll tell you something here I can't even say out loud.... I often wish I hadn't had DS2 :(
I find it shameful to 'say' but that's how I feel right now. I know this feeling will pass and I hope it's very soon as I should want this baby, I should not resent my own child, but I do at the moment. Each day that passes the feeling lessens but it's still there. I know it's not forever. Gina you should talk to someone about how you feel. Have you footmen to your OH??

Ellen I can't believe your sister thinks she's a better parent but hadn't got any children!!!!

I was like you too. I actually got to the point and i am ashamed to say it and feel dreadfully guilty as i love him to peices but of wishing i had never had him, wishing i had realised i wasnt cut out to be a mother tha was why i had miscarried twice before, thinking about giving him up for adoption. But i was really ill and i see that now. I love him so much and i remember the actual first break..one night home alone ex was out drinking/doing drugs, i just sat on the floor with him in my arms sound asleep and cried and cried and cried. That was i think when i actually finally broke and went to peices. Ihad said i was stuggling before and told ex when he got in how i had been bt he didnt seem to care. The result was i ended up even more ill. Now i am stable, have good and bad days and struggle from time to time, but i know now i couldnt live without him, he is the centre of my world. Things will get better, talking about it helps, sleeping well helps, ante depressants helps, but above all at the bottom of your heart is love for that child and that is what keeps you going...or you would give them up or leave them unfed and unlooked after. My heart really does go out to those who are feeling the way i did. big hugs. x