Please help me - PND and anxiety - coping with 6 week old

[Gina1981]

Why are the mornings always the hardest?? I wake with anxiety really early and I'm a wreck! Also suffering with getting to sleep and wake frequently!

I'm bf DD and have another 2DC and I can barely look after myself let alone them! DH is doin his best but has to work long hours so am left to it all!

My 6 week old DD is very demanding and am exhausted and to be honest can't be bothered to do anything any more!

Please help me as I feel like curling in a ball and wishing I wasn't here!

I find that my anxiety is worse when I am tired and so having a newborn and having to look after older ones as well is a terrible time for it to come out.

Have you talked to the midwife / doctor about it?

I know how you feel, lots of us on MN do

Not midwife, health visitor I mean.

I had my 6 week check yesterday, GP is aware of everything and am on antidepressants! Health visitor knows too but what can they do? Nothing really! I keep thinking about life before DD3 and how easy it was and the amount of sleep I use to get! I use to be so happy and full of life and now I'm like a miserable old bag!

Yes my anxiety is worst when I've had very little sleep too!

All I seem to do us scream and shout at everyone! Such a miserable place to be! Have no patients with anyone! Just want to be left alone!

Oh no I really feel for you. I am on antidepressants too and find they have helped a lot - have you just gone on them or been on them a while? They take a few weeks to kick in.

Other than that I can only offer advice that I'm sure you know
Try to eat properly
Try to get sleep when you can
Don't be afraid to lean on your DH
Are your children at school? They will be back again soon and that will help (apart from the school run obv)
Any friends, family or DC schoolfriends parents you can lean on a bit?

You need to look after yourself and I'm guessing you've been here before - once DC3 starts sleeping better the sun will start to come out for you again you just need to hang in there.

Do keep posting for support as well. I have to go for a bit soon but I'm sure others will be along. there are loads on MN who have been or are going through what you are having now

I've been on antidepressants since the beginning of december! I was suffering with panic attacks at the beginning but that seems to have gone! I can only take each day as it comes as dd3 is so different each day! Boy does each day feel like a week! I almost want to wish the 1st year away but I know I'll regret it!

Why does it happen to certain people and not to others! Surely someone out there can cure this awful
Illness!

Both DD are back at school next week but somehow, in my mind, this worries me! My eldest is 12 and she is such great company and a great help too!

I can only live In hope that I get better very soon!

You will. I was there two years ago, with a six week old DS3, coping with Christmas, not sleeping, anxiety, everything. As for me it got better gradually every day, every week, and by March I felt much, much better. I think winter is hard at the best of times but with a small baby, number three for you as well as for me at that time, it is very hard. Keep going, take each day as it comes, try to find ways to relax so you can sleep better. It will get better x

The ADs take around 6-8 weeks to fully take effect, I was told. Your panic attacks have already stopped so that's a big improvement! Keep talking to your DH and your HV and anyone else you open up to - family etc. Don't isolate yourself or feel you need to do it by yourself. Just think when the DDs are at school you can take yourself back to bed after the school run and BF and doze until time to pick them up. And you should do that - when things are like this I reckon as long as the basics are covered (food, clean school stuff, the place isn't flithy) then you should do what feels right for you. And if that's curling up in bed with DD3 for hours then that's what you do.

Thank you for all your support and taking the time to write!

Had a really crap night last night and I'm guessing that's what's caused my down day! I can only hope tomorrow will be better!

I don't know if this helps, and I hope I am not coming across as preachy but I am currently doing cbt and am pregnant with dc3. I have terrible anxiety on and off. But my cbt lady gave me these practical tips.

Don't fight the anxiety. As much as you can (and I know this is bloody hard), when you wake up feeling anxious you have to say to yourself. Ok, I am anxious, but it won't kill me. Fighting it is like fighting quick sand.

Try your best not to mood check - I do this all the time! Try to say to yourself that none of your thoughts are valid as they are coming from anxiety, and so are very unreliable.

And last, nothing is permanent. This anxiety/anxious thoughts cannot last forever, as nothing does.

I hope these help. Anxiety is a real bitch. Look up mindfulness and anxiety. It is really helpful. And remember, a 6 week old baby is full on, there are a lot of demands on you. Try not to do too much. This can also increase levels of anxiety.

Thank u for the advice, I recently had cbt and covered the same techniques! I find it hard to apply cbt! I'm very impatient! I'm hoping to get some sleep tonight! I can't believe I'm suffering with insomnia too!

just wanted to offer a supportive nod.bin there and its not a nice place to be.it will get easier.meantime be kind to yourself and keep posting.always someone around

You poor thing - I'd put money on the broken sleep exacerbating things. I think there is a point around 4 or 6 weeks when your adrenaline expires and all the excitement from the birth has dissipated and the broken sleep begins to catch up with you. Insomnia is so annoying at times like this!

I had a few comforting things I imagined when I was in a similar place, one was imagining a very homely friend of mine watering my plants in the garden - dunno why but the image calmed me down. Insomnia/no sleep drove me into terrible imaginings and mental tangents - I struggled to slow them down but like I say a few mental imaginings of rather bizarre conjunctions of comforting things seemed to help.

When you can grab more sleep, either when your babe becomes more predictable or when the meds buy you a little head space I am sure you will feel a little better. If after giving it a good two months the antidepressants are really not helping think about asking for a review of them, they're meant to help!

Good luck.

My biggest fear is that PND will ruin my marriage and what it will do to my DD's! I'd hate to be around me so Icant imagine what they all think! I look a state all the time as I can't be bothered to do anything with myself anymore! Can't imagine my DH finds me attractive anymore!

I just want this awful black cloud to bugger off and let me get on with my life.

Gina just wanted to say hello and tell you you're not alone. I feel the same PND could ruin my great marriage my kids will hate me etc etc etc but anxiety distorts everything in your head I'm just about to pop the pills for the first time I'm terrified but it can't possibly make me any worse. Hope you had better sleep it's tough with a 6 week old but at least you're getting help now I've waited a year before I admitted it

Hi, not sure which area you are in but you could self refer or get your HV to, to Homestart. You could be assigned a volunteer who will come and help out for a couple of hours a week, not much I know but even if its just to hold your hand. They will be parents themselves and may have been where you now.

Good luck. Thinking of you. x

Sailorsgal, you read my mind - was just going to suggest Home-Start :)

Gina, they might be worth a try? Also just wanted to offer sympathy as I remember how hard the mornings were (well hard all of it was) when I had PND. And massive respect to you for having 3dc now - I stopped at 1 as I really feel I couldn't cope with more/going back to the baby stage.

You will feel better in time - and the ad's may not have kicked it quite yet. Hope you get through today ok.

Gina, i read your posts and feel like you are talking about me. I have a 4 week old DS2 and just feel like i want to cry all the time.... in fact the last couple of days that is all i have done! I have only just today admitted to DH that i feel i might have PND and the HV too.

I just wanted to post to say that you are not alone...

I find the hardest thing to deal with though is that there is no quick fix, there is no magic pill/potion to make this all go away and that i don;t know how long it is going to take.

I had a really bad night last night.. DS2 wouldn;t settle until around 2.30am, constant crying and not content with anything. I just mentally shut myself off, pretending i'm not there, just wanting to be somewhere else far away. DH is amazing, he knows exactly what to do and is soo patient. This stupidly makes me feel worse! I feel as though i am burdening him with my crap as well as his own struggles with dealing with a newborn all over again.

I just keep saying to myself "This too shall pass" and hope one day i wake up and its all been a bad dream....

Oh goodness, OP. I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I know exactly what you mean except I've only got one DS who's 10 weeks. In fact I just posted a similar/related thread in the parenting section. No advice really but just wanted to say that you're not alone and I hope you get some help and relief soon. Panic attacks are an absolute killer so it's good they've stopped. I too had trouble making much of CBT but things do get better eventually ALWAYS.

Also, oneveryhappymama your post is interesting. I too have a wonderful, competent, patient and helpful DP. He makes me feel awful. It just seems to highlight my own ineptness and yes, I feel like I'm adding to his load. I know it's silly to feel like that but I do.

Oh christ, panic attacks are the pits. I used to wake up having them when DS was tiny. I went on Ads before Xmas last year and they work. I got worse before I got better though.

Pnd is horrific, it made me feel suicidal. But it does lift. You will get yourself back, honestly. Please try to eat properly, and make sure everybody knows you're ill. You need support. Good luck xx

Hi all! Sorry I haven't posted but have tried to keep busy! Haven't felt too bad today! Although feeling quite stressed out at the mo as I'm really tired and dd3 is still awake, DH is at the hospital with dd1 as she has tonsilitis for the 2nd time in 4 weeks and dd2 is still up!

I wish I could make sense of it all! DH has been amazing but at times hasn't been very understanding, at it's those times when you need them to understand the most! He has a very stressful job which puts stress in me! He works really long hours so have battle on, on my own! My mum is amazing!

Oneveryhappymama I hope you start to feel better soon! It saddens me that so many women are going through this especially when it's meant to be a happy time in our lives! Have u been to see your GP? I started ad's quite quickly so I'm hoping that things will begin to get better!

Just want to thank everyone that has posted and all your support! I really appreciate it x

I'm glad you had a better day yesterday, how was today?

I hope your DD1 is OK...

With our family it was just a case of struggling on and coping as best we could... I can't say anything more than that really! The ADs have helped a lot with the anxiety but I know I am worse when I am tired and so keeping an eye on that seems to be a good thing to do. So sad that so many are in the same boat but cheering to hear that it does get better in the end!

Bloody anxiety bugger off! Woke me up really early this morning and way before DD woke up! I just laid there for hours and it drove me mad! Then no matter how hard I tried to go back to sleep I couldn't as every noise I heard kept me up! DD started to stir so I laid there anxiously before she woke up! I just want to switch off and wake up feeling refreshed, not like ive been up all night long writing a bloody essay in my head!

I went to bed at 10,30pm DD woke up at 2.40 then after that I've been pretty much awake!

I'm on trimipramine which makes me drowsey and is meant to take care of the anxiety but I still wake up and can't switch off my thoughts! Maybe I need a bigger dose but I'm EBF so I don't know if it can be increased!

Anyone else been in trimipramine? I've been on them now for 4 weeks!

Hello Gina 1981

My LO is 16 weeks, and I have just been diagnosed with PND. I'm really struggling with anxious thoughts, and nothing seems to be improving the situation (even increased sleep). I have been prescribed Sertraline, but the tablets remain unopened as I am now experiencing feelings of extreme guilt about any transfer to my baby whilst EBF.

I'm leaning on my husband (and he's being a tower of strength) but I still feel completely isolated and alone with my thoughts. On the whole, my baby is very straightforward, but yet I can't seem to pull myself together to be the parent I know he needs me to be.

Without wanting to hijack your post, I'd be very grateful if anyone who reads this and has taken Sertraline whilst EBF could either comment, or PM me. All the research I've read still doesn't provide me with the reassurance I need, so perhaps personal experiences would help.

You're not alone Gina1981. I too hope the black cloud lifts soon; for both of us.