is there a post natal depression/anxiety thread?

[MamaLaMoo]

looking for this, will create if not, thanks.

I have not seen one, but would join if you wanted to start one?

Hi Emski76, there is a whole board about PND, just found it, in the becoming a parent section but not a single thread to join and get friendly.

I'm MamaLaMoo, mother of 2 girls aged just 3yrs and 4 months and live in Oxfordshire. I have PND/anxiety, tbh the anxiety is worse. Had several good days and thought I would get chatting to some people in similar situations. I am getting counselling once a week but don't think antidepressants will help. SSRIs seem to take ages (4-6 weeks) to work, can cause worse anxiety according to GP and are often no better than a placebo apparently, not exactly a magic feel good pill.

I had problems during the pregnancy and then DD2 developed a bad case of gastro oesophogeal reflux disease and screamed inconsolably for hours each day and for hours late into the night, stopped growing and struggled to feed. The combination of the crying and lack of sleep pushed my over the edge completely and me and the baby were hospitalised for 6 days when she was 6 weeks old. I wanted to abandon her, simply couldn't cope anymore and had thoughts of harming her, I told our GP I couldn't take the baby home from the appointment, he admitted us that afternoon. I couldn't speak without shaking and crying for 4 days. The baby is now well, on lots of meds but well.

Then, and this is where it gets unbelievable, the day after baby was discharged DD1 injured her eye on a spiky yucca plant, got a massive antibiotic resistant infection and was admitted to hospital herself for 15 days. She nearly lost the eye and has permanent corneal scarring in her right eye, now getting used to wearing glasses to help her appalling vision in that eye. To say we were all traumatised by these two things is an understatement.

I am just unable to relax and often feel very tired even after a good night's sleep. DD2 bless her, sleeps 8 hours at night. I worry about the reflux coming back, about the baby stopping sleeping at night, about all the crap stuff messing up my DD1, catastrophic thinking about things which haven't happened.

The counselling is very helpful, it is with a specialist organisation OxPiP which helps establish good bonds between mothers and babies. I found it hard to relate to the LO, we are much better attached now but our relationship is still not quite normal. I worry a lot about that too.

Ho hum, I am generally an optimist and like to find out about things so have got a few books on PND and attachment between mums and babies. Have had several good days this week where the tiredness has lifted and I have been more confident with the baby. DD1s nightmares last night woke everyone, twice, so sleep deprived today. And of course worrying the same will happen again tonight, and everynight, for ever .

hi not sure about the post natal thread? i am suffering from pre-natal depression, i have had the worse pregnancy this time round and my dd has just been diagnosed with autism. i am having a really hard time with everything :( i imagine when my baby is born in 3 weeks i will really suffer.

Hi Snailz and Mama.
I have two ds', 4 years old and 9 months old. I had mild undiagnosed PND with ds1 and severe PND with ds2. Luckily I knew and told my hv quickly and was on ad's by the time ds2 was 3 weeks old. The anxiety and feelings of wanting to escape in any way possible were so strong it was frightening. I couldn't eat or sleep. The ad's took about 6 weeks to really work and I also had CBT therapy for 6 weeks which really helped.
I will always be anxious and a worrier but things are definitely calmer now.

Hi snailz - I'm sorry to hear your DD has got autism. That is a huge thing to come to terms with at anytime, never ind 3rd trimester. Do you have plans in place to have lots of support when baby 2 arrives? You may well find your new little one is a lovely baby who helps you think positive and for the future. The lack of sleep was a real problem for me, I feel sick thinking about it. Tell us about your pregnancy problems, off loading is good.

Emski76 - what ADs did you take? Was it worth it? I am not having CBT although I have a self help workbook on postnatal anxiety, my therapy is more talking/psychotherapy based. Did you pick up any tips for managing thoughts that run away with you and get out of all proportion?

I find if I wake at night I can end up awake for hours ruminating on things.

hi thanks, iv actually dealt with the autism thing quite well, its been something i expected as deep down i have known for a long time. the pregnancy stuff has been the hard part, iv been really sick all the way through and lost 2 stone now, the baby is the correct measurments so im trying not to worry about that, but the problem started a few weeks ago, i woke up one morning with a really dry mouth, and its never gone away (although it has improved a bit since starting on anxiety tablets), its a constant worry for me as i dont know what is causing it and neither does my doctor, my midwife says its not pregnancy related although after doing a google search it seems like a few pregnant women have experienced this. iv been tested for vitamin problems and diabetes but it came back fine. i think the anxiety makes it worse, it plays on my mind a lot and that just adds to the stress, the doctor says its worrying me so much that this this is the reason iv become depressed. seems a silly thing to worry about really but its hard to function on a daily basis when im constantly trying to get saliva in my mouth :( thankfully i have an ent ap on the 17th :)

i meant to say also, i really feel for you regarding the reflux, my daughter had terrible reflux and was in and out of hospital with it, even the smallest amount of milk she would bring up, it only stopped when we moved onto solids, they said part of the problem could have been a dairy intollerance, so now we limit dairy. she was put on enfamil formula, it did help a bit. we are going through the sleepless nights with her at the moment, she is getting her back molars and screams for hours, its really hard work and extremely stressful. hugs

Snailz that dry mouth problem is strange. Does the doctor think being sick all the time during the pregnancy has caused it? I got a dry mouth as a side effect of some medication once and the pharmacist suggested chewing gum or sugar free boiled sweets to suck on.

Are you worried the problem is a sign of a more serious condition or is it just so annoying you can't stop thinking about it? If you have anxiety any little thing can cause you to obsess. There was another thread on here about a woman obsessed with her child's name.

DD2 will be old enough for solids in 8 weeks, I am looking forward to it but also a bit worried I am holding out so much hope for a magic 6 month "cure" that I'll be very disappointed if it doesn't happen.

lol i think its just annoying more than anything, so the more i think of it the dryer it gets, its weird because its too bad in the morning it starts about 2pm till about 6pm, if its not dry it sort of tingles and feels sore. the doctor said it could be hormone changes as they can affect the mouth, but he isnt sure. iv decided to try not worry about it until i have a reason too, i mean if the ent ap doesnt go well and they think there could be something wrong. how is your dd2 doing today? its awful having to clean up the vomit all the time, i know how stressful that gets, we had towels ready at every feed, but im sure when she moves onto solids she will be fine, my daughter's weight dropped alot due to reflux and she was in that failure to thrive group, but when she went on the solids she did great, now she is still very slim but the doctor says she will most likely always be that way but her weight is steady and in the 25th centile :)

how is emski76 today? hope you are well :)

Weight gain with DD2 is an issue, she gains a bit for 2 weeks then stops then gains again. If it were a steady pattern of going up week after week I would feel better. She is just below 50th centile but was 98th at birth so has dropped a lot. I cried yesterday at the BF group when I weighed her and realised she hadn't gained any weight this week. HV says no to solids yet though.

We have no vomitting, she has silent reflux, she has possetted stuff up fewer than 5 times in her whole life (which is weird). It comes up her throat and she coughs or chokes and swallows it. This is how she ended up with such bad oesophagitis and screamed so much, she got acid burns twice, once on the way up and once on the way down.

Feeling a bit crap at the mo, DD2 woke again last night, she had a monster feeding day yesterday, 16 feeds! Seems to have worn off though today. I am so paranoid about not getting sleep I lie awake worrying that I am still awake.

Can I join in please ladies? I have a dd who is 9mo. I had alot of prenatal anxiety issues (am generally anxious anyway) and after a euphoric first few months of motherhood (where tbh I was just so glad not to be pg) I've been feeling down on and off for some months. Finally went to the GP a month or so ago. She gave me seroxat but haven't yet taken it. HV visit was yesterday. Sometimes I feel fine but I get bad times where I can struggle just to get through the day. Had a KIT morning at work today and came home in tears.

mama dd was 98th centile when she was born but now is between 25th - 50th centile. She lost alot of weight initially and mws worried me into doing lots of top up feeds. In the grand scheme of things she is fine - she just took a while longer than some other babies to find he place in the centiles. Mws made me worry so much though with threats of having to ake her to hospital if she continued etc. I hate the lying awake at night thing too btw

Welcome Reastie, good to see you here.

Thanx for asking after me Snailz. I'm ok today but have felt quite down this afternoon, think being stuck inside with the boys all afternoon gets me down. Had a lovely morning at softplay with friend and her son but felt so lonely this afternoon. Dh is always at work, or working, he's been on the phone to work on and off since he got home. He came home early cos he left home at 4am this morning!
This is why I work three days a week Reastie - adult company!!

hey reastie, its nice to have a new member (although maybe not for the right reasons) i think coming together has been good for us, its like we are going through the same things and can offer each other words of encourgement.

just wanted to say about these health visitors, i know they are there for a good reason but i felt let down by mine completely, when i needed them regarding my daughters reflux they were very little help, almost made me feel like i was doing something wrong, they rarely offered practical advice or came round to check that she was doing ok, but when i wanted to give up breast feeding they were right on my case about it. in the end i stopped seeing mine, i went to my gp who refered me to see the pediatrician, it got so much better, he had no problems with me starting my daughter on solids early, he said it would be better to do so (turns out it was), she had her milk (thickened formula on prescription) plus lighter solids such as baby rice, we were also closely monitored by a dietician. i was glad to get away from the health visitors. they were also really good regarding the centiles, i stopped getting worried about it when my pediatrician kept an eye on what was going on there, he told me not to worry if he wasnt worried.

i was thinking about the sleeping thing too, its terrible, when my dd keeps waking up screaming during the night, i swear lol when she does go back to sleep i can still hear her crying in my head, makes me think im going crazy sometimes, i have to laugh about it otherwise i think i might just go crazy. i feel like i am on edge just waiting for her to wake up... it really sucks i know :(

sorry you had a rubbish afternoon emski, it doesnt help that it gets so dark early now and there isnt much else to do but stay indoors, my bf lost his job a few months ago and in a way its been a blessing having him around, i can imagine that looking after 2 boys would wear me out, sounds like you are doing an amazing job no matter how hard it feels, my best friend has 2 little boys and they are hard work, i go over sometimes and she just crashes out on the sofa looking exhausted :( hopefully over christmas your husband will get a bit of time off from work? and a small break each day will make a huge difference to you. xx

how is your other daughter doing now mamalamoo? is her eye any better? xx

Hi all. I have a ds who is almost 5 and a dd who is 14 months. My pregnancy with ds was horrendous and that's when my anxiety started but mostly went away until having dd. My birth with her was bad and she was born with a tongue tie and had quite devere jaundice. My dad is also very unwell and we have no family nearby.

My anxiety got much worse last xmas when we all got swine flu. Ds then went on to get pneumonia. He was scarily ill and dd was only 3m. I felt so torn.

I was doing better but the last month has been awful. Chickenpox x 2, tummy bugs x 4, now an ear infection for ds with a fever of 39.9 and a virus for dd.

Its mostly health I worry about and in particular the kids health.

I hate it. I am on citalopram. I wanted cbt counselling but I have no-one to watch the kids so not possible.

Sorry you're all suffering too.

SNAILZ : I had hyperemesis with ds - being sick maybe 20-30 times a day and I lost a lot of weight. He was born 8lb 11oz at 41+6 and in fine health.

hi hun welcome to our thread (hugs) sounds like you have had more than your fair share of bad luck this past year health wise, i wish i could say something that would make you feel better. having a child who is sick is torture, we cant help them and its just awful not being able to make them better, im sure just having you there caring for them made them feel loved and protected, i seriously doubt you could have done anything else to help the situation. try not to be hard on yourself you can only do your best which you are doing, iv heard that we never stop worrying about children no matter how old they get, i think its one of the worst parts of being a mum.

how are you finding the citalopram? does it help with the anxiety? i dont think that my fluoxetine helps much with anxiety, i found diazapan helped much more but i cant really take that now due to the pregnancy. thankyou for sharing your story about hypermesis, i do worry that my baby will be super skinny because of the sickness, its nice to hear a positive story regarding birth weight :)

snailz re the dry mouth, I found pg did lots of mad things to me that I couldn't find anywhere in the books but was definitely due to being pg - the hormones can do really bizaree things. You have my sympathies re: hypermesis - I felt awful nausea when pg and it was so debilitating and made my anxiety so much worse, infact, when I was pg I barely left the house or socialised at all as I felt so bad and my anxiety was bad. It feels since having my LO I've had to get used to being with people again - I couldn't manage it at first and didn't know how to act it had been so long!

left you have so much going on . It's hard re: cbt and finding childcare isn't it? I had NHS CBT a few months ago for a seperate issue which makes my anxiety really bad (a specific phobia) and I was told very strictly that if my childcare fell through for any sessions I would miss that session (and given I was only giver about 8 sessions that would have been alot). Luckily my Mum had dd. I didn't find CBT as good as I had hoped but I think the therapist wasn't right for me and also that the phobia he was treating me for I couldn't deal with as I was feeling for depressed I just hadn't admitted it to myself that I had an issue. I get anxious about dds health too. Every day I worry about her catching things :(

Has anyone got any nice plans for the week end? I have PILs over tomorrow (not so nice ) but my Granny (who is terminally ill) is hopefully visiting my parents from her nursing home on Sunday so we will visit her.

Thanks.

I don't think the citalopram helps much tbh. I definitely find my anxiety worse when I'm tired which is right now.

Snails- if you could see ds now, he is the biggest boy in his primary one class :) the sickness if god awful though. Strangely enough I just remembered I had a very dry mouth with dd, I remember lying in bed thinking 'no don't have another drink' because I knew I'd need to pee a million times in the night. I coiuldnt do it though, the dry mouth was like torture.

Hi LeftMyMistletoe and Reastie .

Have been out today at Worcester Christmas Fayre. It was heaving, like Oxford Street through the entire city centre. This was our first day out family trip since DD2 was born. I have to say I only began to relax as we headed back towards the train station. I find days out very stressful. I normally love this sort of Christmassy thing.

DD2 woke again last night but this time after 7 hours sleep, I was awake from 5am. I try to sleep after feeding her but as I lay dozing and my mind wanders I suddenly feel a shot of fear/panic something anyway triggers a sudden rush of adrenalin and I become much more alert, my pulse and breathing increase then I settle back again, but it happens over and over and I can't fall deeply asleep. I have no problem sleeping first thing at night though.

Citalopram is the SSRI recommended for BF mums isn't it? I took a tricyclic prothiaden many years ago (like many mums with PND I have a history of depression, major episode in late teens). I want to try something pharmaceutical, after 4 months I still feel too anxious and low to be anywhere near normal. The extreme stress around both my daughters hospital admissions has subsided but I am left with this persistent sadness and a lot of resentment really. I don't want to resent my baby, it is hardly going to do her any good is it?

Snailz DD1's eye has healed but is severely scarred in a small region (about 1/2cm) just away from the centre of her eye. Without glasses she can see the equivalent of between the top line and the next line down on an eye test chart so pretty crap really, acuity of 0.9. With the glasses though it is much improved, she can see about 5 lines down the chart. The scarred area is a bit foggy looking, she had a tissue transplant onto her eyeball to help repair the hole left by the infection and it is this tissue we think which looks milky, it should fade. Thank you for asking. This all happened at the beginning of October.

thanks chestnut, what's with all these hormones? they drive me crazy, at least im not alone with the mouth stuff then and crazy symptoms, ha its good to know. makes me think then mistletoe, maybe im having another girl? i also tell myself not to keep drinking in the night because ill pee all day :)

mamalamoo, i am really pleased she is healing if only very slowly, poor kid hey, at least she is still young and hopefully this wont affect her too badly. is she ok wearing her glasses? i think it will just take a bit of time for her to get used to them. :)

I have made an appt to see GP on thursday. Am going to ask for some antidepressants.

Have done a bit of reading and see two SSRIs are recommended for BF mums, citalopram and sertraline. My brother reacted really badly to citalopram a few years ago when he took it so I think I should steer clear of that one.

Today is an OK day, LO is having 4 month sleep regression but have rigged up our co-sleeping cot and using dummy if she stirs at night rather than feed her every time. She is asleep on me now and has been for 3 hours! Has been having a growth spurt (lots of feeds) I remember DD1 would sleep a lot after such times.

Weekend was bad though, ended up in the loos at church on sunday sobbing into tissues. A good cry on the phone to my mum really helped too. I don't get to cry with DD1 around, don't want to upset her and it all builds up.

I feel like having kids has just robbed me of my whole life, I do nothing for myself.

Is there room for one more on your thread? I have a five year old and a six week old. My anxiety started suddenly when five year old was a few weeks old - I didn't realise how distorted my thinking had become and struggled on for three and a half years before I got help. Things were pretty good, now six weeks after giving birth its like I have walked off the edge of a cliff and the anxiety is back with a vengeance. I have lost loads of weight, and because my anxiety is mostly health related (my health, DHs health, children's health) this has made me panic so much I have hardly eaten in days. I can't sleep. I can feel the adrenaline buzzing through my veins, its torture.

Saw Dr yesterday and started on anti depressants, which I have had before and which helped, but the thought of making it through the next few weeks until the drugs start to work is scaring the life out of me.