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Child abuse I've come to a decision.

111 replies

dottyspotty · 27/09/2011 09:28

I was abused [full sexual abuse] by so called brother from age of at least 4 until I was 12, was hospitalised at 12 due to hemorrhaging and found to have a cervical erosion. The Dr's told my parents it was either infection or sexual activity that caused it they dismissed this only found this out off my sisters years later]. When I realised at 17 what he had done to me I told my parents my dad called me all the liars under the sun because I was jealous of how well he'd done he was only in the RAF they also asked him and he denied it as he would.

It has ruined my life I've had counselling on and off but just I get on with things now I have 3 great kids including a DS who has ASD and LD's and a supportive husband who was abused himself, have wanted to confront my mother for some time on why she still treats him like the golden boy. I can't have a relationship with my brother who is 2.8 years older than me because how the hell do I tell him what he did to me.

Was at my uncles funeral yesterday and spoke to some of my family my aunties and uncle basically said I'm living on my nerves and need to sort it only one knows the full story but I suspect shes told them as well. Driving home I thought of nothing more than this, we've got family holiday booked in 10 days going to get that over with speak to my sisters on way home and then I'm coming home and going to the police over it DH wants to come with me but I don't want him to hear full details as he'll want to kill him even more than he already does.

My sisters where also abused by him but not for as long as they are nearer in age to him than me, he's 12 years older than me. He also has a son who's wife has had to miscarriages in the last year this worries me more that she might have a little girl and be put at risk.

OP posts:
madmouse · 11/02/2012 21:33

I don't know you anywhere nearly as well as your sister obviously, because I only know you online, but I would certainly agree with her that you are refusing to accept how bad it was. And I know what it's like because I've done that too, in fact the real severity of what was done to me has only fairly recently sunk in. So you may not be able to flick a switch. But it may help to start to accept that you are underestimating the pain and suffering inflicted on you. In the end in order to move on you need to face up to it which is a disgustingly painful process. But in the end it helped me to get angry, to find value in myself and to take control and set myself free.

dottyspotty2 · 11/02/2012 21:50

There are certain things I can't get past just yet it sounds stupid but I feel like I've made it real now counseller says that's a step forward. A lot of my problem is I was so damn young that I can't remember when it began and when I was older I've disassociated from the memories despite being known for having a fantastic memory.

madmouse · 11/02/2012 22:00

Oh Dotty I could have written your post 2 or 3 years ago. Yes yes to talking about it making it more real. And to not having words for the earlier experiences and dissociating for the later years. In a way it's very affirming to me! And I hope it gives you hope that it can get a lot better x

dottyspotty2 · 11/02/2012 23:49

Told today I was probably younger counseller reckons it was to 'normalised' by the age of 4 for it to have happened over a short period of time so it is a case of really not remembering, I could of been as young as 3 makes it somehow worse. I also have a book on managing anxiety now just to dip in and out she's set me a task for next time we meet will take some thinking. Noticed your book was on shelf today madmouse x

GodisaDj · 12/02/2012 10:11

Following your journey dotty. You are a very couragous woman.

Just wanted to show my support and hold your hand over the coming weeks.

dottyspotty2 · 12/02/2012 14:36

Honestly wish everyone would stop saying how bave/courageous I am I'm far from it.TBH I never thought it through just knew it had to be done, I'm scared shitless now. If I knew at the start I would of reacted like I did I don't think I would of done it as I'm selfish that way.I'm going away for a few days as I'm on edge all the time and need a break we have a caravan down south taking youngest 2 with me if it wasn't for them I really don't know if I would come back home.

dottyspotty2 · 12/02/2012 18:03

I'm not having a dig or being an ungrateful bitch, its just anyone who knows i've done is is is telling me I am I really appreciate the support I get here xx

dottyspotty2 · 19/02/2012 20:15

Think I need to back off from talking to my sisters but they phone me weekly as well don't want to hurt them anymore than I already have, everytime I speak to one in particular I seem to start crashing again stopped off on way home yesterday. I'm actually annoyed at one of them was expecting a call off DC last week she phoned my sister and was told I was away at the van so she never called these calls put me at ease. I know she means well but my anger is starting to come back. And I don't want to take it out on the wrong people I don't like being angry. I'm ok when I've got things to do keep my mind occupied but its all spinning through my head again gets me emotional and panicky, nights are still the worst as I'm alone.

dottyspotty2 · 26/02/2012 13:38

Had a lovely call from DC in charge last night to see how I was we spoke on Wednesday and she said his computers where in with the techs. When we met at new year she had said it would be wrong to say if it would go to court or not, but last night she said she thinks it should go she was going through procedures etc how she would arrange for me to go down and meet again go over interview video and take me to court to show me around and how it would work. I'm now thinking she knows more than she's officially allowed to say, but still not getting my hopes up to much.

ManicPanic · 26/02/2012 16:17

I have my fingers crossed for you dottyspotty XXXXX

dottyspotty2 · 12/03/2012 15:42

Just spoke to DC again nothing on his computers thank god, he's going to be getting bailed until June now and file is getting sent into CPS will know in about 10 weeks now.

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