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Child abuse I've come to a decision.

111 replies

dottyspotty · 27/09/2011 09:28

I was abused [full sexual abuse] by so called brother from age of at least 4 until I was 12, was hospitalised at 12 due to hemorrhaging and found to have a cervical erosion. The Dr's told my parents it was either infection or sexual activity that caused it they dismissed this only found this out off my sisters years later]. When I realised at 17 what he had done to me I told my parents my dad called me all the liars under the sun because I was jealous of how well he'd done he was only in the RAF they also asked him and he denied it as he would.

It has ruined my life I've had counselling on and off but just I get on with things now I have 3 great kids including a DS who has ASD and LD's and a supportive husband who was abused himself, have wanted to confront my mother for some time on why she still treats him like the golden boy. I can't have a relationship with my brother who is 2.8 years older than me because how the hell do I tell him what he did to me.

Was at my uncles funeral yesterday and spoke to some of my family my aunties and uncle basically said I'm living on my nerves and need to sort it only one knows the full story but I suspect shes told them as well. Driving home I thought of nothing more than this, we've got family holiday booked in 10 days going to get that over with speak to my sisters on way home and then I'm coming home and going to the police over it DH wants to come with me but I don't want him to hear full details as he'll want to kill him even more than he already does.

My sisters where also abused by him but not for as long as they are nearer in age to him than me, he's 12 years older than me. He also has a son who's wife has had to miscarriages in the last year this worries me more that she might have a little girl and be put at risk.

OP posts:
madmouse · 07/01/2012 13:15

They will not take your boy away - they know they have no reason to. You're in pain and distress and they have seen that before.

Friday is almost a week away. Deal with today and today alone, it's enough x

dottyspotty2 · 07/01/2012 14:08

She is lovely she has alrady told me anything I need I've just to ask like if I need abreak but I don't like asking. I'm just back from down south but it was really heavy going everyone in my family down there are amazing don't really deserve them. Plus finding all the ins and outs of what's happening off DC could only really digest it all since I got backand then finding everything else out feel like I'm back to the way I was in the beginning except not as tearful still crying but not as much. My energy is totally zapped starting to neglect things again.

SmileItsSunny · 07/01/2012 14:18

Just caught this thread dotty spotty - you are amazing! Such a strong role model for your children. Well done. I can't begin to imagine how hard this must be for you - but keep going, you've been so brave. Thinking of you.

dottyspotty2 · 07/01/2012 20:40

DH wants me to phone DC and try to get a banning order on him from entering our town but don't want to sound stupid. He also sent me to bed this afternoon after me telling him how bad I felt never made it to bed last night ended up on seetee.

madmouse · 07/01/2012 20:46

Dotty I was thinking about doing that but as there is no evidence that he is a current and present threat to you it would be very unlikely that a judge would grant it (that's legal me speaking, I think personally that you're bloody entitled to it after what he put you through)

StewieGriffinsMom · 07/01/2012 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madmouse · 07/01/2012 20:51

SGM there is already a bail condition in place that he may not approach the OP, she won't get more than that.

StewieGriffinsMom · 07/01/2012 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dottyspotty2 · 07/01/2012 20:55

I know I won't get it madmouse that's why I won't phone having the conditions doesn't stop the fear though.

madmouse · 07/01/2012 21:02

That's what I said too SGM - I think Dotty is bloody well entitled to it and it would improve her quality of life hugely. It's just wrong that she is the one cowering at home.

Dotty I understand the fear xx

dottyspotty2 · 07/01/2012 22:31

I know you do madmouse I'm so sorry for moaning about it, I can go out I phrased it badly luckily we have 24 hour stores here just means I'll have to go at the crack of dawn for my shopping, Or right out of the area its going into the actual town that knocks me for 6 going to the crisis centre doesn't worry me as its across the road from the police station it did at first as I know a few of them from when I drove taxis years ago and was embarrassed in case they saw me going in.

dottyspotty2 · 08/01/2012 17:12

Well it now seems i've lost my brother as well we used to talk a bit on FB and he'd come through occasionally but he's deleted me off it. I don't know why I care but we used to be so close and its upsetting me, the slightest thing is setting me off.

StewieGriffinsMom · 08/01/2012 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WinkyWinkola · 08/01/2012 17:35

Dotty, you are doing the right thing.

Your brother has a hold over his mother and your other brother. They cannot or will not believe what he has done. That is their problem but the truth will out.

You refuse live a lie. And you are seeking to protect lots of other girls too. You are amazing.

GRW · 08/01/2012 18:26

I have just read through your thread, and would like to offer support too. You know you are doing the right thing. I'm sorry your family aren't supportive, and hope that they will eventually realise that you are telling the truth. If not you know you will find support from others and on here. Your courage is an inspiration x

madmouse · 08/01/2012 18:48

Oh Dotty what a tosser! I'm just discovering my own anger and I feel like having a go at him over the phone or something. Fucking coward.

dottyspotty2 · 08/01/2012 20:03

Least I now know I was right about being so hated by my family doesn't make it any easier was always in the back of my mind that I remember overhearing that my brother was the last and that I was an 'accident'. I don't remember this incident but my brother gave me an overdose of tablets when I was 2 pity I survived it with everything that followed.

droves · 08/01/2012 20:19

Dotty , just wanted to say I think you are the bravest ,most admirable person , and what you are doing will save other kids from suffering what you did as a child.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you , and I hope your brother gets put away for a very very long time.

Stay strong. And the truth will out.

dottyspotty2 · 08/01/2012 22:02

Think I'll be taking something to help me sleep tonight not slept properly at night for weeks, had less than 2 hours last night but in 20 minute spells pity I've only got one pill left.

StewieGriffinsMom · 08/01/2012 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ajandjjmum · 08/01/2012 23:05

You're not hated by your family - but what you've done has scared them, and even the good ones are struggling to cope.

But that's nothing in comparison to what you've coped with. In time you'll look back and realise how strong you are being - I'm full of admiration for you.

Now go and get some sleep! Smile

dottyspotty2 · 08/01/2012 23:19

Oh but they do we lived in a regime of fear I've spent the last 25 years as an adult trying to please them thought she would of changed. once he died if they'd been more pills left would of been an answer to all of this because I don't know if I've got any fight left.

lisaro · 08/01/2012 23:24

I have nothing to say about this but to wish you all the best.

dottyspotty2 · 09/01/2012 06:49

Well had the best sleep in a long time just glad now I only had one left or consequences might of been very different after such a hellish week. Got DS's SW coming for a coffee tomorrow morning will have a heart to heart conversation with her. Need to go back to GP next week to renew meds want to ask her for more sleeping pills but worried in case my thoughts become really dark again, didn't think I could go back to feeling as bad again. She says to go anytime I just need to talk but don't like to take up her time. Was taking codeine to help me fall asleep but there no longer working.

dottyspotty2 · 09/01/2012 09:27

Was going to attempt to go out first thing but got so wound up and edgy I couldn't thought I could maybe do it, might have to leave it until DD2 has half day at college she can come with me.