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Mental health

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Original poster

Advice: DH admitted to psych unit- what next?

118 replies

fledtoscotland · 15/08/2011 18:40

Crisis point this morning with his depression. Crisis team agreed voluntary admission to hospital for medication changes and assessment.

Am now at home with DC ages 2 & 3 but feel numb and broken, he's pushed me so far I don't know if I love him anymore- no mean I love him and miss him but am not sure if "in love with him".

Need to sort out debts etc but should be able to pay mortgage on my salary.

What else do I need to do? Where do I go next? My brain is fried and I can't stop crying. I don't want him to leave but we can't go on as we are.

OP posts:

Original poster

fledtoscotland · 21/08/2011 21:13

Norks - you mention feeling guilty. DH says that he feels he's let me and boys down when he's depresssed. Then he beats himself up about that which makes him even more down. Its almost like a whirlpool sucking him further in with every though. I'm not sure any mental illness makes sense outside the individual. Our brains are who we are, the very core of us. We are all wired differently and react/respond accordingly. Mental health isnt a science - its not re-testable and rarely predictable. I think that's what scares me most that we can do everything possible to help DH when he comes home but until he actually does and is faced with RL on a 24hr basis, we don't know how he will manage.

Now that rambling definitly doesnt make sense

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NorksAreMessy · 21/08/2011 21:31

fled what a positive post from you. Yes you have a long way to go, but just saying that you agreed to put some time into the marriage is really impressive.

When I am well, I remind DH that 'in sickness and in health' means mental as well as physical, and that I am very grateful to him for looking after me 'in sickness', but I do know that it is hard for him, and so I can see how it is hard for you.

Three cheers for CPN...now there is a job that should be paid £100000. You are at the soft and comfortable end of her/his day. Great that you have some ongoing support and you are not all alone.

The 'rambling' second post made absolutely perfect sense to me :)

Insomnia shift engaged and ready for action.

Original poster

fledtoscotland · 21/08/2011 21:41

I can't just give up on 14years together. He's pushed me to the edge but I'm refusing to leave him whilst he's ill. If it doesn't work when he's better that's a different story. I have to be positive for the sake of the boys.

I need him too probably as much as he needs me x

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ChippingIn · 21/08/2011 21:48

Fled my love - I've only just seen your thread :( What a horrible time you have had! I'm glad you are getting some of the old DH back - I hope it continues. What does the consultant say - does he think DH is ready to come home? It seems really quick to me - please don't rush into it, DH will get a lot more help while he is there and in the long run it may be better even though it's hard short term.

Anyway, I don't have any experience with MH stuff so can't really add a lot - except for an ear and lots of hugs.

I wish I was closer as I'd love to be able to help you with the boys. Your BF sounds lovely & your neighbours too.

NorksAreMessy · 21/08/2011 22:02

fled I love the thought of you REFUSING to leave when he is ill. You have that moral compass that everybody is on about these days.

Now, how about a bit of sleep, tonight? Are you going for it?

Original poster

fledtoscotland · 21/08/2011 22:11

Chippingin- really not wanting to rush him home but trying to balance what he wants and what the docs recommend.

Norks- I've know DH since I was 19 and been together since I was 22. I'm not prepared to just throw it away. I married him and that means something to me hence if it us over it will only be when he's well.

Tonight have the latest true blood to watch with a bottle of magners.

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Original poster

fledtoscotland · 22/08/2011 12:19

I hate mornings. Waking up to the reminder that DH isn't with me. Constant drone from the boys wanting various things whilst all I want to do is go back to sleep and wake up when it's over.

I'm scared of being pessimistic and having a negative attitude which will affect DH yet terrified of being optimistic and everything going pear-shaped on his discharge. He's so keen to get home I want to be supportive and do the "right thing" for all four of us

Hey ho. Enough rambling. Getting bits of housework done whilst ds2 watches Toy Story again.

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Original poster

fledtoscotland · 22/08/2011 12:20

Btw has it really only been a week.

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madmouse · 22/08/2011 13:10

Make sure there is space for your feelings and emotions even if they are negative. It's not all about your dh.

Your dh has his hands full coping right now, but listening to how you are feeling and giving you a hug is good for his sense of self worth too!

That at least is my experience with dh - he felt so totally useless as it was, it was important for me to still be his wife and treat him as my husband.

NorksAreMessy · 23/08/2011 20:38

fled just letting you know I am still here if you need me

Original poster

fledtoscotland · 23/08/2011 20:51

Just feel a mess now:( miss DH so much but scared about him coming home. He is definitely more relaxed and like himself which is good but I need to relax around him now.

Sees consultant tomorrow and tbh I think he will come home ad they aren't really doing anything for him the cpn can't

I now need to take time for me whilst continuing to support DH and the boys

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ThatsNotYours · 29/08/2011 22:02

FtS,

Hope things are ok. Lots of people read your posts and, although we don't all comment, we are still sending you positive thoughts and big hugs! X

ChippingIn · 30/08/2011 00:52

Fled - where did the time go??

How are you doing?? Is DH home yet?

Original poster

fledtoscotland · 09/09/2011 21:16

evening all - apologies for being in hiding but I've barely been online over the last few weeks and have been focusing on RL.

1month down the line! In some ways it all seems like a bad dream

Now DH is doing really well. Still anxious but less depressed. He is wanting to continue with his degree and start his new job. He seems to have more motivation as well - has sorted the wet rot in the kitchen window this week saving us £100's having to replace the whole thing.

Effexor seems to be helping although he does have some side effects and our sex life is non-existent now. We saw the consultant today and have discussed how he's improving and the side effects so we have a review in 4wks.

Me. I suppose I'm a bit of a mess. Im still off work and seeing the GP again monday as I'm not sure I'm mentally ready to go back to nursing and taking on other people's problems. I'm back seeing my counsellor who is amazing and helping me get through my own anxiety issues about the events of the summer and I'm starting to believe that DH does love us and want to be with us.

My wonderful boys are doing well. DS2 has sailed through all the trauma mainly concerned with his access to kinder eggs (my best friends have provided an endless supply which has won him over). DS1 has had a few problems and is very worried that his daddy will have to go away again. He is waking during the night crying for daddy and we have had a few tantrums at mummy when only daddy will do. We will get by but unfortunately he seems to remember the events.

So we are now here. Its going to be a long old journey. I am relieved that I am still married. I have my husband back. However I am terrified of returning to the place I was in August.

Thanks again for everyone's support.

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pointydog · 09/09/2011 21:52

That's an uplifting post, fled. Best wishes to you both. Glad you've reached some sunlight.

Upwardandonward · 09/09/2011 22:19

It's good to hear how you're getting along, fled

ThatsNotYours · 09/09/2011 22:40

Fled
WELL DONE YOU!
Really hope things continue to progress positively for you all.
We are all routing for you and here if you need to chat further.
Best wishes x

ChippingIn · 09/09/2011 22:47

Fled - that's a great start. Of course you are terrified of returning to the place you were in, in August. I think it's going to be one of those things that changes who you are (like a bereavement) - but you seem to have some good RL support so I am sure that you will both get through this and that when you do life will be even better than before.

Hopefully given a bit of time DS1 wont think about it too much, most kids live pretty much in the 'here & now'. I think DH spending as much time with him as he can will be good for them both - some one on one time if DH is up to it as well as family time.

We're here whether you need to share good news/shout/cry or anything in between.

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