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Original poster

Advice: DH admitted to psych unit- what next?

118 replies

fledtoscotland · 15/08/2011 18:40

Crisis point this morning with his depression. Crisis team agreed voluntary admission to hospital for medication changes and assessment.

Am now at home with DC ages 2 & 3 but feel numb and broken, he's pushed me so far I don't know if I love him anymore- no mean I love him and miss him but am not sure if "in love with him".

Need to sort out debts etc but should be able to pay mortgage on my salary.

What else do I need to do? Where do I go next? My brain is fried and I can't stop crying. I don't want him to leave but we can't go on as we are.

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NorksAreMessy · 16/08/2011 17:16

Thank you for the update and glad that initial visit was better than you feared

Well done for saying 'not until you have seen the consultant', that's taking a little control over your own environment as well as his.

Good luck this evening. I Will be around at all hours as required :)

Original poster
fledtoscotland · 16/08/2011 17:34

Thanks norks. You probably do know how much I appreciate it x

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NotQuiteSoDesperate · 16/08/2011 17:59

Just adding my best wishes, OP. My DH suffered from clinical depression about 12 years ago. He was not admitted to hospital, but spent 2 years basically living in our spare room growing a long beard. We had to function around him. My DSs were very young and used to come into bed with me each night - it did help in a way.

DH did get better and now functions very well, although he is now disabled physically. We can look back to that terrible time, relieved that we got through it. He does remember how much I struggled to help him.

Best wishes to you.

CharlieBoo · 16/08/2011 19:46

Hi, I just wanted to post to give you my full support too. You are going through an unbelievably hard time, but you will get through it. Depression is so complex, it slowly takes over you until you can take no more. Your dh is in the best place to get better, and he will get better.

I am suffering from insomnia at the mo and am lurking most nights if you can't sleep and need a friendly ear. Big hugs...

ohmeohmy · 16/08/2011 20:09

is there someone from the community mental health team who can assist you like the social worker? Sometimes docs really don't see how badly an individual's mental health issues can affect a family. Make it very clear how intolerable the situation is to you and the kids. These situations can be redeemed with the right support; medical/social/emotional/practitcal. Love can be resilient. Good luck and take care

Original poster
fledtoscotland · 16/08/2011 21:22

Finally sat down. Really need large glass of something alcoholic but its weird not being able to as I'm on my own with the boys.

Anyway, visiting tonight we had a very long chat about us, lives, boys, family. He says he loves me more than ever and is glad that I got him admitted yesterday as its been a wake-up call for him that he cant just keep on hiding from the world. We've talked about trying to spend even one evening a month together going to the cinema, a drink, just out alone.

He is still certain that he wants to stay off the anti-depressants as he feels he can think clearer but has agreed that he will probably still need the diazepam initially to help with the anxiety feelings he gets. We didnt really discuss his anger but thats a whole different conversation.

Its been a fairly shite year with our beloved dog dying of cancer age 6 (totally horrific and I still relive the day her spine collapsed 3 months later). He thinks I am still grieving unnecessarily and I explained its not that shes dead but I had to watch her collapse and the vets try to save her. Then our new puppy was rushed in for emergency surgery last friday and I'm the 1st to admit I didnt cope very well with flashbacks to Tallie's last few hours as they operated on Buzz. DH has just bottled everything up in true male fashion where as I sob my heart out. I dont think he realised that it wasnt she was gone but the way she died.

So, he is very eager to come home and make things work as a family. He is anxious that the consultant is going to want to use meds as the 1st line of treatment but I am totally supportive of him. We have the number of the crisis team and I want to be allocated a CPN before he is discharged. We need a point of contact so that if things deteriorate again its not left to be an emergency situation. ohmeohmy - why would social work be involved? its not been mentioned at all by either the ward staff or the crisis team?

Thanks for all your on-going support - I told him about the thread and have said I want him to read it when he's home so he can see its not just us in this situations. Norks - special thankyou x

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Original poster
fledtoscotland · 16/08/2011 21:23

ps sorry for the essay but am sure there will be more to come - I feel that I have opened a massive can of worms by addressing his depression and getting it out in the open.

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madmouse · 16/08/2011 21:33

Keep talling!

Not as sure as you are that it is wise to address a depression this deep without meds. If it is very strongly suggested that he takes some please consider it well. Even 10mg citalopram can really take the edge of anxiety and is a lot less addictive and habit forming than diazepam.

madmouse · 16/08/2011 21:33

Keep talking even Blush

Upwardandonward · 16/08/2011 21:36

I agree with madmouse about meds - they are worth a try with moderate or severe depression, and if the side effects are bad they can be stopped. Some people do have a really good reaction to them.

Original poster
fledtoscotland · 16/08/2011 21:44

He's spent years on Citalopram but felt "fuzzy" on them. The mirtazapine really didnt agree with him so unless we go down the venlafaxine route I'm not sure what else to try.

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Ormirian · 16/08/2011 21:46

Thinking of you and your DH fled.

As a 'nut' myself trying to recover from the brain fry of citalopram I have every sympathy with you both.

Upwardandonward · 16/08/2011 21:50

They may offer trying a tricylic , and there are MAOIs as well. Hope you get a restful night.

Original poster
fledtoscotland · 16/08/2011 22:05

what are the names of the meds they may suggest? Despite being a nurse, i'm a RGN so psych drugs are all a mystery to me

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Upwardandonward · 16/08/2011 22:10

I hope this leaflet off the rethink website helps.

NorksAreMessy · 16/08/2011 22:15

Isn't it encouraging that he can say that he loves you, he is glad you went to see him and that he is eager to come home? These are all very positive and forward looking feelings.

Bit of a bummer about the wine, you really deserve some.
Please don't apologize for an essay, the more you can articulate or just vent, the better.
Am terrible insomniac, too charlieboo, so that's at least two of us about on and off through the night to listen fled

You are not really going to look at accounts tonight are you? Today has been tough enough and they will still be there tomorrow, more's the pity :(

Original poster
fledtoscotland · 16/08/2011 22:23

cant face accounts tonight. BIL just phoned to say is now with FIL and will be over 1st thing to go to the consultant together

upwardandonward - have saved that link thanks. I'm sorry to say that as a general nurse I have always been afraid of mental health cos you cant just put a plaster on it and make it better so to speak. Although privately I've dealt (not very well) with DH's depression for years I dont know much about medication apart from citalopram, mirtazapine and diazepam.

He did seem more forward-thinking today. we've discussed taking a year out of his degree to focus on him and our family life. He has a part time job lined up to start in the next couple of months at my work (12hrs a week) so ideally that would give him a bit of a focus without too much pressure plus the money would be handy

I'm just relieved that he wanted to see me rather than just blank me as he has done so often

and now I'm going to put the dogs to bed, make yet another cup of tea (although cider/wine is far more attractive) and watch an episode of Being Human to help me switch off from todays emotions.

thankyou all again for all your kind words and advice - please keep talking to me as you have no idea how much its helping. Will update again tomorrow after the meeting x

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NorksAreMessy · 16/08/2011 22:35

Hooray for the ILs, you don't have to do this alone.

How are the boys?

Original poster
fledtoscotland · 16/08/2011 22:54

DS1 asking for DH but DS2 more interested in the fact he got a sausages for tea! Both in nursery tomorrow - had to explain to manger what's going on as psych ward next door to nursery so they would see me going in.

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NorksAreMessy · 16/08/2011 22:59

I see DS2 has correct priorities.
Was nursery manager supportive or nosey?

Original poster
fledtoscotland · 16/08/2011 23:06

Supportive. Boys going in extra on thursday afternoon too so I'm not juggling childcare care on top of everything else. My best friend whose also a nurse is working Wednesday Thursday Friday day shifts (12hrs) but is going to try to get emergency annual leave for thurs or fri to help out.

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NorksAreMessy · 16/08/2011 23:15

You have some great people around you!

I am going to try to sleep now, but will no doubt be back later on.
Night night

Original poster
fledtoscotland · 16/08/2011 23:17

I'm half watching being human. Sleep well x

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NorksAreMessy · 17/08/2011 01:58

Not asleep :(

Original poster
fledtoscotland · 17/08/2011 07:14

I now feel that maybe I overreacted on Monday. DH is so much more like his normal self that maybe it was my anxiety? How could he seem better so quickly? I know the crisis team made their assessment and recommendation for admission but this morning I feel have dragged BIL back from Spain and worried FIL for nothing. We will meet with consultant and he wil just discharge him end of story. DH is keen to come home just a much as I want him back.

It feels a horrible mess and was so much easier when no one else was involved and I could just put on my mask and carry on as normal

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