to feel that my husband needs to buck up and get out of his depression?

[monkies]

My hubby has long suffered from bi-polar manic depression (we've been together for 14 years) and I have always supported him and we've got through the 2 yearly bouts with patience, talking and support. I had our first child in February and these past months have been the happiest I have ever known (it took 6 years and a lot of stressful interventions for me to get pregnant). However, I feel that my husband is determined to spoil it. I have reluctantly returned to work full time, 5 days a week - yuk! because I have to in order to pay the bills / mortgage etc. I have put a really brave face on and have just got on with it even though it breaks my heart to leave them all every day. My hubby works full time as well and baby is cared for by my mum at the mo (which we are all happy with). Recently, and at every opportunity, my husband tells me how low he is feeling and how he can't shake it etc... I love him very much but I am tempted to just tell him to get a grip because we are all working hard and compromising and I can't take his sadness at the moment. Am I being selfish and should I try to find the compassion and patience I have always had for him or am I right to be using all of my energy for keeping it together and enjoying our child?

thing is if he throwing up with anxiety and not taking anything or eseeking him - it might get to real crisis point - you have to be preapred to call 999 adn bring the help to him.

it will only get worse (tho you know his episodes best)

in october 2010 my exP was getting more and more anxious and was refusing meds and help (his friends were onto him but he wouldnt listen) - he lashed out at cars on street and then at my dd (on contact visit). i never ever thought he would take it our on DS - he did (in his severe episode in 2007 - tho eh was raging against ds's disabilities)
I never thought he would take it out on dd...he did (2010).

now that you have a baby you just dont know how he might react - he might see the baby has "caused" this anxiety and it would be so easy for him to take it out on her...you can never be certain or sure.

sorri but you have to get tough here take the day off work and march or drive him to GP or A&E for assesement and meds.

anxiety meds like diazepam for shohrt term help.

and you really make sure he is never ever left alone even for a minute with the baby because you dont know how he might be - as the baby is new and this is presumably his first bout since baby....

might sound over dramatic but better safe than sorry right?

read this: www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2011/08/02/murder-rap-mum-couldn-t-call-her-dead-children-by-name-115875-23313810/

"forensic psychiatrist Dr Mari Harty said Donnison was depressed at the time of the incident and now has ?psychological amnesia?.

She added: ?Depression lowers the threshold for violence...... . .?

depression /anxiety lowers the threshold.

he is refusing to get help.
you and dd are at risk BECAUSE dd now exists and it has thrown something /some one else into the mix...

and the island will certainly have more to talk about if you dONT/he doesnt get help... you cant risk things that were ok to risk before DC.

he gets help or you and baby leave til he does.
or he leaves til he gets help. simples.

thing is if he throwing up with anxiety and not taking anything or eseeking him - it might get to real crisis point - you have to be preapred to call 999 adn bring the help to him.

it will only get worse (tho you know his episodes best)

in october 2010 my exP was getting more and more anxious and was refusing meds and help (his friends were onto him but he wouldnt listen) - he lashed out at cars on street and then at my dd (on contact visit). i never ever thought he would take it our on DS - he did (in his severe episode in 2007 - tho eh was raging against ds's disabilities)
I never thought he would take it out on dd...he did (2010).

now that you have a baby you just dont know how he might react - he might see the baby has "caused" this anxiety and it would be so easy for him to take it out on her...you can never be certain or sure.

sorri but you have to get tough here take the day off work and march or drive him to GP or A&E for assesement and meds.

anxiety meds like diazepam for shohrt term help.

and you really make sure he is never ever left alone even for a minute with the baby because you dont know how he might be - as the baby is new and this is presumably his first bout since baby....

might sound over dramatic but better safe than sorry right?

read this: www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2011/08/02/murder-rap-mum-couldn-t-call-her-dead-children-by-name-115875-23313810/

"forensic psychiatrist Dr Mari Harty said Donnison was depressed at the time of the incident and now has ?psychological amnesia?.

She added: ?Depression lowers the threshold for violence...... . .?

depression /anxiety lowers the threshold.

he is refusing to get help.
you and dd are at risk BECAUSE dd now exists and it has thrown something /some one else into the mix...

and the island will certainly have more to talk about if you dONT/he doesnt get help... you cant risk things that were ok to risk before DC.

he gets help or you and baby leave til he does.
or he leaves til he gets help. simples.

if he not taking anything or seeking help get him to A&E / GP

sorri for repeating

Thanks for your advice cestlavie. I really don't know what to do. I hear what you are saying but I am also trying to keep this is the perspective of our (me and DH's) shared experience of this illness. He has NEVER been violent. He is insensitive to the effect he is having on me sometimes but I can see that he is trying to hold back from being constantly negative. He is really struggling tho' but will not talk to anyone or seek help. He is worried about a lot of things too such as job / future etc. This is the first bout of depression since the baby and he keeps promising me that it'll pass - although he finds it hard to convince himself of this. We are going away tomorrow as a family for 3 weeks and I am dreading it, partly because we'll be one our own for a week and then we're visiting relatives for two weeks which I think will be difficult because he is lethargic, paranoid and very low....
I wish I could see a way through it all. I am exhausted by it. The baby is fine and not in any danger at all - I save up my energy for him and we have a lovely time together.