thats it really.
Im fed up all the time.
I spend too much time on MN (have changed my name obv).
Weekends are fine when DP is at home to help and i dont lose my temper or feel miserable. During the week im left on my own with my kids and i want to scream.
They are good kids. But i shout at them all the time. My 2 yr old follows me round the house everywhere which drives me mad so i shout at her. She has no clue what she's doing wrong but says "sorry mummy" anyway and tries to cuddle me but i push her away. I just need some space from her but i dont know why. She is just beautiful. She must be bored out of her box because i leave her to play with her toys all day. I do the main functions of feeding and helping with the toilet but she demands my attention and i just cant give her it i go to bed every night with every intention of getting up feeling bright and perky the next day with plans of cake making or painting or going out but then spend hours trying to get to sleep. I wake up grumpy (even if my 7mth old hasnt woken in the night) and it goes down hill from there. I dont want to play with her, do things with her, leave the house or anything. She must be totally fed up too and certainly does things to attract my attention.
My DP knows im a bit fed up and there is nothing he can do about it but i just dont get why im ok if he's here but not when he's not. I feel so sorry for my DD - she doesnt deserve this. I love her so much but i just cant do this mum thing at the moment. Am now crying - which just makes it worse - im feeling sorry for myself but its her getting short shrift.
Sorry, long and miserable post.