im so rubbish at being a mum

[thisiscrap]

thats it really.

Im fed up all the time.

I spend too much time on MN (have changed my name obv).

Weekends are fine when DP is at home to help and i dont lose my temper or feel miserable. During the week im left on my own with my kids and i want to scream.

They are good kids. But i shout at them all the time. My 2 yr old follows me round the house everywhere which drives me mad so i shout at her. She has no clue what she's doing wrong but says "sorry mummy" anyway and tries to cuddle me but i push her away. I just need some space from her but i dont know why. She is just beautiful. She must be bored out of her box because i leave her to play with her toys all day. I do the main functions of feeding and helping with the toilet but she demands my attention and i just cant give her it i go to bed every night with every intention of getting up feeling bright and perky the next day with plans of cake making or painting or going out but then spend hours trying to get to sleep. I wake up grumpy (even if my 7mth old hasnt woken in the night) and it goes down hill from there. I dont want to play with her, do things with her, leave the house or anything. She must be totally fed up too and certainly does things to attract my attention.

My DP knows im a bit fed up and there is nothing he can do about it but i just dont get why im ok if he's here but not when he's not. I feel so sorry for my DD - she doesnt deserve this. I love her so much but i just cant do this mum thing at the moment. Am now crying - which just makes it worse - im feeling sorry for myself but its her getting short shrift.

Sorry, long and miserable post.

sounds great custy - but dp would NEVER agree to a night away for me, maybe we could do a lunch thing during the day - I seem to remember that when my nan was alive she often caught the train down here to look after us when we were little so maybe I can do that, that way I can have a few drinkie poos! What about you qv?

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you aren't anywhere near St. Albans are you QV - my best friend lives there (due date next week with her first) and is very keen to make new mummy friends. she talks for England as well so should be easy to break the ice with her....

also if you are near St. Albans it should be easy to get to Brighton on Thameslink from there.

as you can see there are loads of us that feel like this on and off and are less than patient with cling on toddlers - i think the key is realising that if the feeling drags on for weeks and weeks, it's time to have a chat to GP/HV about it.

wow what a busy thread! was just looking in to see how u were doing QV (although have to say u confused me with the name change!!) I think the general feeling is you need to see your GP. Will be checking on you!

I've just lost it at bath time, becuase of too much splashing - the walls, the mirror, the toilet, the floor - swimming - even though I had asked nicely for little splashes, this on top of 110 quid bill for carpet cleaning after the decorated them with shampoo the other week really is the last straw.

I feel so bad, I shouted so loud my throat hurts - must have been terrifying for them.

I have shouted at the kids before so much I actually lost my voice!! I think most people have done it at one time or another (back me up someone please or I will feel like a terrible mother! ) How old are they? They won't remember it. But have you been to the doctors yet!?? I will nag you til you do!

Wont get rid of me that easily fishface.

thanks everyone - my broadband has been down all day and i still cant get to my emails properly but thanks to all those who have - i will reply to them asap.

Today hasnt been that much better tbh. Except that i now feel like i feel miserable but its not necessarily my fault IYSWIM. Was tearful all morning and DD kept coming up to check i was ok and asking me what was wrong. It must be v scary to see mummy crying so much.

I have got docs appt for tomorrow so will take it from there really. will tell Dp once ive been.

thanks again everyone.
xxx

Good for you. So glad you are going to docs. Keep us posted and let us know how you get on.

Not that close to st albans m2s.

I live in Enfield.

I went to the doctors last november saying how I was feeling, and that I also hated dp (!) and thought i may have pnd and he told me I was fine and to snap out of it, perhaps I should go back? Over the last week I have been thinking unforgivable thoughs about how I wish I had never had ds2, as he is the one that makes it so hard. Although I never wish him away, I think i am such a bitch to bo thinking this when you see what some people are going through with their children

Good luck with the appointment today QV. Quite honestly, I think all you will have to say is that you are crying all the time and you will get the help you need! Hope you aren't crying today, but from experience, I should imagine you probably don't feel great knowing you have to unburden yourself to the GP.

hey qv, hope your doc is helpful today. good luck

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How did it go? Hoping you are Ok.

Went to the docs today. Total blub-fest.

I knew i was going to but tried to suppress it. Failed miserably. Doctor was great. Told me it happens. She said was depressed after hers was born.

I explained as best i could anyway. She said she would contact my HV to visit me tomorrow. Looked into surestart for me. Unfortunately we dont have in our area but she's given me a number for something else similar.

She said about AD's. Has given me Sertraline??? Its one i can take whilst b/feeding. Im in two minds about taking it just now. Would like to ask some people on here about it first i think.

She also offered to have a paed look at DS and keep him in overnight. DS had a total meltdown over nothing whilst in there which helped her see what i was up against. Every time he couldnt see us he did his "im-being-murdered-savagely scream". I was in there for over half an hour.

She also said about going out and meeting people/other mums etc. Told her i dont feel like going out much but am trying.

She wants me back again in a week.

Thanks everyone for thinking of me and being so kind. Will keep you posted.

xxx

Oh, QV, thank goodness you went to see her. . No knowledge of ADs, but a meet-up with hunker and co (small is beautiful!) will just be the tonic you need to help.
If I were closer, I would come along too.

Glad that the doc was sympathetic this time, QV. I have taken Lustral about 10 years ago, and found it extremely helpful. It took a few weeks to start kicking in, and a couple of months for it to make a significant improvement. Only problem with side effects I remember was being too sleepy when they upped my dose, so they put it back down again to the original dose.

Well done on going to doc. Glad she understands. That is half the battle.

Haven't heard of the ADs she prescribed but I bet someone on here will have!

You won't feel better overnight but you WILL feel better.

It's not your fault - it is a chemical/hormonal imbalance.

Hope your DP will be understanding (if you decide to tell him).

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btw lustral is same as sertraline

QV had noidea things are so bad for you atm. Please call me, would love to get together.

Ta MTS.

Wish you could come gingerbear - you are lovely

thanks essbee

My dp is trying buda. He was a bit dismissive at first. He also felt that it was a bit self induced in that i dont go out and do anything and because i go to bed late (and MN alot )

I said that i didnt go out because of how i feel, not that i feel crap because i dont go out. Im up late because i cant sleep anyway. He said i need to go out and see people if its the case that i feel better when he was around, so i pointed out that it was why i go on MN and why i went out on Saturday night.

So he gets that i have been trying. He has been jokingly dismissive of the ADs (i chose to own up in the end as i couldnt justify lying about it in the end). But i think that joking is just how he copes with things.

He then went out and got me chinese food so he is trying i think

Yup, sounds like he's trying to me... DH always feeds me when he's trying

I'm so pleased you went to the doctor (btw... I am someonetalktome ). I am a big believer that a short course of ADs can do so much good - just enough to clear the clouds and help you see how life used to feel again.

Thanks FS - sorry you've had a tough time too. Dont suppose you live in london do you????

Another vote for a short course of ADs - you won't know yourself in a couple of weeks. They worked miracles for me when I was on them (for just a few months in the end). Good luck!