I just found out I am accidently/unplanned pregnant. I already have 2 dc aged 6 and 4. Last year I suffered a monumental breakdown where I became suicidal. After help from my mum and mum-in-law, a psychiatrist and seeing a therapist, I have managed to get myself to a place where I am beginning to enjoy life. I take pleasure in the little things, I enjoy being with my family, I am not so afraid or anxious. I was even booking myself into a course on upholstery.
But since peeing on that stick, I feel like things have spiralled out of control. I am frozen with fear. I have gone back to being barely able to cook my children's tea. I feel numb. Its like going back six months. I have even made an appointment with BPAS for tomorrow to discuss a termination. I just am so afraid that I won't be able to cope. That this is going to send me back into oblivion. I cannot risk the well being of my mental health, or making my children suffer with a mother who can be so unwell. And my dh will also suffer too. I have fought so hard to get to where I am, I just can't believe it can unravel so easily.
I feel like I cannot make a decision when I am so overwhelmed by fear. Either option feels like a bad decision. I don't know what to do. I am not sure what I want to achieve with this thread. I just wanted to put it all down. I am all over the place. Plus feeling so sick and and tired is really not helping matters. Dh works really long hours and I feel alone with this worry. I really don't have long to decide what to do.