Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Can't take any more

85 replies

needtodie · 01/02/2011 11:57

Name changed for obvious reasons so don't out me if you recognise me.

I have had enough the only option left to make the world a better place is for me to die. It would have been better if I had been drowned at birth but its too late for that now.

I can't work out how to do it though. Even though every one who knows me knows the world's better if I'm dead it must be horrible to find a dead body and I don't want to put anyone else at risk like jumping off a motorway bridge.

OP posts:

seoraemaeul · 01/02/2011 13:21

I can't help much but I do want to maybe give you some light at the end of the tunnel....
My parents divorced and in fairness fairly friendly, but he was very wealthy and my mum struggled with heating and food bills. But she was - and is - our mum and there are no ponies, trips abroad and treats that could ever be more important. Please believe your daughter will love you irrespective of money and the differences in situation

Get to a doctor, call the Samaritans and find a way to get SS to work for you. Maybe you have to bite your tongue, maybe accept some compromises but play the system to your benefit and get the help you need - short term and long term

And if you can do nothing else today, be ready when your daughter comes home and let her know you love her.

Original poster

needtodie · 01/02/2011 13:22

3 years feels like forever. Has been going on for 3 years already.

OP posts:

CinnabarRed · 01/02/2011 13:26

I know it does. I've been there myself.

Which is why you need to get yourself into a better mindset so you can take steps to get help.

I'm no expert, but I really and truly think that you've been given rubbish legal advice. I just don't believe that the legal situation can't be improved. (Not that I'm doubting you. Just the advice you've been given.)

If you want to arrange an appointment with another (better) solicitor, to get the original advice reviewed, then I am happy to pay for that appointment.

midnightexpress · 01/02/2011 13:27

And, if you're in Glasgow, I can get the name of the solicitor my friend used?

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 01/02/2011 13:30

You are you daughters only Mum, the only one she will ever have. She needs you.

Please keep posting or phone the samaritans.

There are lots of MNers in Scotland, if you want someone to come over I am sure we can find someone (sadly I'm in the SE of England).

Apparently it's hard for people who are in your situation to understand/believe that what they are thinking is wrong, it's hard to make them see that their death will not be better for the ones they love - in your case your DD.

Please stop thinking like this... we will all do everything we can to help you out of the situation you are in - there is a huge collection of knowledge on MN.

Your DD loves and needs you, she'd be lost without you - no amount of trips to Disneyland or Ponies makes up for having your Mum.

We will all help you.

wubblybubbly · 01/02/2011 13:32

OP, try not to think in terms of 3 years.

Try to focus on all of the lovely things that you will share with your DD today and tomorrow and the day after that.

And pick up the phone to ask for help, will you please do that?

MassiveKnob · 01/02/2011 13:33

do not put your daughter through this.

As harsh as this sounds, you are being very selfish.

Please stop thinking like this and get the help you need and derserve. Good luck.

Original poster

needtodie · 01/02/2011 13:37

I have finally managed to stop crying. My mum has gone out so that gives me a bit of peace for a bit.

OP posts:

midnightexpress · 01/02/2011 13:39

Fantastic. First step.

Threelittleducks · 01/02/2011 13:40

Ignore EXH's family - they are trying to blind dd with material shit and she will see through it. When she is older she WILL see what her mother did for her and the sacrifices that you have made. And importantly the life that you both had together - you owe it to her to be there for her. She needs you!!

Where in Scotland are you? I'm in Scotland too (lovely weather we are having today, no? :) )

You had the strength to seek help on here - now lift the phone. Call Breathing space or your docs asap. Go on, you can do it. It's obviously desperate - unfortunately you need to muster one last bit of strength to do something to get out of this situation. Somebody will help you - all you have to do is ask them. Your doc will, a nd e will... do it. It's the start of getting out of it all.

Your daughter needs you!

KangarooCaught · 01/02/2011 13:41

Decide on a plan of action my lovely.

See your GP and ask for help - explain your situation and why you understandably feel so low. It's nobodies business why you go to the GP - but the smear suggestion is good if anyone is rude enough to ask!
Talk to the Samaritans
See CAB and check you are getting all you are entitled to, it certainly doesn't sound enough. See what you would be entitled to if your mother made you homeless.
Take the recommendation on here re the solicitor.
Every girl needs her mum. Yours loves and needs you. Expensive gifts are nothing compared with your time, love and fun with her.

midnightexpress · 01/02/2011 13:43

I've asked my pal for her solicitor's number, in case you want it. If you're not in the same area, perhaps they might be able to suggest someone suitable in your area?

Original poster

needtodie · 01/02/2011 13:46

Thank you, midnight.

Could you PM me with it. Had 2 different solicitors so far. Definitely can't be worse than the first one.

OP posts:

TimeForACHEEKYWineOrTheBottle · 01/02/2011 13:47

OP Suicide is not the answer, can you imagine what you DD will think when her father has to tell her that she will never see her mother again. Think about your Daughter, ring Samaritans, go to see your GP, fuck if XH cronies see you, its got fuck all to do with anyone why you are going to the drs.

hope you are ok?

midnightexpress · 01/02/2011 13:50

Yes of course. I'll PM you as soon as I hear from her. Might not be today.

Dreya · 01/02/2011 13:56

NTD My Mother attempted suicide 23 years ago. I found her. I was 11. I will never ever forget that day and I thank god that she is still here in my life, about to become Grandmother to my daughter any day now. And you know what, so does she.

I needed my Mum, I still need her now at 34 years of age. Your daughter will need you too. Please, please, do NOT think life without you would be better. Please seek help.

BuntyPenfold · 01/02/2011 14:08

OP, your ex partner sounds like an abusive bully (and I do know what it is like to be afraid of an ex - mine is a fruitcake with guns).

I think he enjoys putting you through this.

I think if you were out of the way, he might look round for a new victim, because that is what bullies do.

I think the new victim could easily be your DD - as soon as she steps out of line as a teen, perhaps, he will think "oh, she's getting like her mother.' or perhaps she will look more like you as she gets older.

Then he will turn against her.

She needs you in her life.
Not a pony or a cruise. You.

After all, you two loved each other once, and look how that has turned out.

Don't leave your DD at his mercy, please.

ohrubbish · 01/02/2011 14:20

Thinking of you - your daughter loves and needs you.

Original poster

needtodie · 01/02/2011 15:56

DD has been home 10min and she is crying already :(. She failed the hearing test at school and is crying because they kept playing sounds which in her words were too quiet. Obviously it was her ears that weren't picking it up but she doesn't quite understand that. She also had problems with her eye tests so gives me more to worry about.

She is also screeching at me because she says she doesn't want to eat. I am such a useless mum.

OP posts:

CinnabarRed · 01/02/2011 15:59

You are NOT a useless Mum. Your DD has just had a bad day. We all do. It's just a horrible co-incidence that she's had her bad day on the same day as you. Go and give her a big hug, tell her you love her, and give both of you a chocolatey treat. The seratonin will help.

midnightexpress · 01/02/2011 16:02

No you're not. It's not your fault that she's having problems with her ears and eyes. And it's all the more reason for you to be there to help her.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 01/02/2011 16:17

No you aren't!! Blimey, if parents were judged on after school tears we'd all be 'useless' parents!!

She's just had a crap day, unfortunately the same day you have had a crap day!! I'd make an appointment at the Dr's to talk about her eyes/ears. (I don't trust in-school tests myself).

It's early for eating isn't it?

As Cinnabar said, give her a hug, have a treat together and maybe watch a DVD together cuddled up on the settee.

AgentProvocateur · 01/02/2011 16:23

Have a look at www.breathingspacescotland.co.uk or call them after 6 on 0800 83 85 87. I'm sure someone there will be able to convince you that your daughter loves and needs you very much.

loflo · 01/02/2011 16:30

Ok if you are in Scotland breathing space are excellent. Not sure where you are but if you want to say either on the post or PM me I have some contacts in the North East. Shout if I can help.

RockLover · 01/02/2011 16:32

Needto, you're not a crap mum, children often over-react to little things that go wrong (my DD cries at ridiculous things all the time and then perks up fairly quickly).

You need to get legal advice and you also need to get some help for you. None of this is your fault, you are being bullied by a nasty lot of people and they DO NOT have DD's interests at heart, if they did they would do what it takes to help you out.

If you died your DD would have no-one fighting her corner and she would probably spend the rest of her life blaming herself for your death. She would certainly never get over it that's for sure.

My parents fostered a teenage boy (when I was a teenager too) whose mum had killed herself when he was younger and he was a complete mess because of it, he blamed himself and also assumed she didn't love him enough to stay with him, it was heartbreaking to see someone go through that sort of pain.

Please get help your DD deserves to have her mum with her.

Flip

1 2 3 4