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Mental health

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Original poster

Can't take any more

85 replies

needtodie · 01/02/2011 11:57

Name changed for obvious reasons so don't out me if you recognise me.

I have had enough the only option left to make the world a better place is for me to die. It would have been better if I had been drowned at birth but its too late for that now.

I can't work out how to do it though. Even though every one who knows me knows the world's better if I'm dead it must be horrible to find a dead body and I don't want to put anyone else at risk like jumping off a motorway bridge.

OP posts:

KnowNothing · 01/02/2011 12:31

Please call the Samaritans 08457 90 90 90.
Thinking of you.

CinnabarRed · 01/02/2011 12:37

OP - I've hesitated about writing this because it may not sound sympathetic. But it's meant with your own best interests in at heart so perhaps you need to hear it. And I'm writing as one whose father committed suicide when I was 16.

So.

It's actually not easy at all to kill yourself. Statistically most people fail. What is horribly, tragically easy is attempting suicide, failing, but doing irrepairable harm in the process.

Think how much worse things would be for you if you tried and failed. Think about seeing your DD's face when you woke up in hospital, about how you had betrayed her love.

There are always alteratives. Please phone the Samaritans.

(((hugs)))

GypsyMoth · 01/02/2011 12:37

You don't want outing so you are thinking of a future already....good. Maybe a b and b and starting from scratch?

Where are you? Can anyone of us help?

BuntyPenfold · 01/02/2011 12:40

Dear OP
please ask for and accept help.

One day years in the future a conversation with your daughter can go like this:

DD: Thanks for helping out Mum, I don't know what I'd do without you.
You: It's a pleasure, though we had some hard times when you were little, didn't we.
DD: I remember Dad and you didn't get on. Other Granny was quite bonkers as I remember.
You: Yes, she was, but we won't speak ill of her now.:)

yogididabooboo · 01/02/2011 12:41

I can assure you that you family will not consider the world a better place if you were to commit suicide.

I t hink they would find teh world a far better place if you went and sought help for your obvious depression.
Please contact your GP immediately and tell him that you are considering suicide. Demand a home visit and ask him to either get an instant referral to the Mental health team or section you.

If you are posting here i am assuming you have children. Please, if you have even the small amount of love for them, do not put them through the utter trauma of having to deal with their mothers death.

My friends 12 year old daughter is currently dealing with her fathers sudden death. She is barely coping. If she were to be told he had taken himself from her life i really don't think she would manage.

The only person suicide helps is the person that dies. PLease do not be so selfish

You need help not advice on death.
Please go and call your GP

joydivisionovengloves · 01/02/2011 12:42

Please don't give up. Your DD deserves a loving Mum. Try and stay strong for her sake. Get to your GP and the CAB as soon as you can and in the meantime call the Samaritans NOW.

Original poster

needtodie · 01/02/2011 12:44

I'm in Scotland. Xh has a court order preventing me from moving out the area with dd. So I have the choice of moving to find work and starting again or keeping dd. So I really have no choice at all. I feel I have no control over anything and never will. I'm sick of scrolling through job adverts and finding nothing to apply for or if I do either nothing or a rejection letter.

XH's family going on at dd about buying her a pony, taking her to Disneyland Paris and taking her on a cruise. I am trying to work out how to feed her. When they drag me through court again dd will ask to go with them.

OP posts:

frenchfancy · 01/02/2011 12:46

My family are having to deal with the sucide of a loved one. Believe me it is one of the worst ways to loose someone. We all blame ourselves, and each other.

I am so angry at them for leaving us to deal with the crap.

If there is anyone that you love then don't do it to them. Your DD will not get over it. She needs you alive.

Do you have a good friend, or siblings who could help? Don't be afraid to ask for help, we dearly wish we had been asked.

MrsRichardHammond · 01/02/2011 12:48

Court orders really aren't worth the paper they're written on half the time. My ex had one drawn up about access rights and hasn't stuck to any of it. It can take up to a year for your case to get back to court, by which time you will be in a better and stronger position to fight him. The more help you get now the stronger your position will be from which to fight, if you get the school, the GP, the CMHT etc all on YOUR side then there is NO way that the courts can stand by this order if it is not in your DD's best interests.

wannaBe · 01/02/2011 12:51

obviously you don't want to die or you wouldn't be posting about that on here.

If you are a regular then you know full well that no-one is going to give you advice on how to kill yourself.

Obviously your posting is a cry for help, but Clearly you need professional help and tbh mn is not the place to get it.

Go and see your gp or ring the samaritans.

No-one is going to take your dd unless that is in her best interests, but if you kill yourself they're going to get her anyway aren't they? So what will you have achieved other than ruining a whole lot of peoples' lives.

Get professional help.

yogididabooboo · 01/02/2011 12:52

Phone social services.
Tell them that your DD is at risk due to your mothers drinking and abusive nature.

Is the house in yoru name or your mothers? if it is in yours then you need to make her leave. if it's in hers then SS will be able to advise you on leaving and finding somewhere yourself.

suicide is not an option when you have a child

midnightexpress · 01/02/2011 12:53

I don't have any personal experience of your situation OP, but just wanted to say that a friend of mine here in Scotland split up from her H and was allowed to move to England with her children for work. It sounds as if you need to get your DD away from your mother's house and be somewhere where you'll be able to make a better life for her. If that means moving to where there is work then I'm sure there are ways.

In the meantime, is there anyone else you can stay with temporarily? Do you have other family nearby?

TallyB · 01/02/2011 12:54

You poor thing :-( You sound as though you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.

It seems as though your exH is trying to buy your DD's affections, but that won't work in the long run. Even if he is successful in the short term, sooner or later she will see what he is doing and despise him for the damage he is causing her mother. Children are pretty astute about these things.

Please phone your GP and tell them how you feel. Alternatively call your local A&E department. They will help you! And they won't take your daughter away! People in authority will want to keep her with you because that is the best thing for her.

Once you have are receiving help for your depression, get in touch with the CAB. They will be able to give you advice about housing so you can find a proper home for you and your daughter.

I can see how desperate you feel right now, but trust me, if you seek help one day this will all be a bad but distant memory. Life can get a lot better!

CinnabarRed · 01/02/2011 12:55

If your XH's family can afford ponies, cruises and Disney, then make sure he's paying you the right amount of maintenance for your DD - it might make getting a place of your own more affordable. (And also get CAB to re-do your calculations. It seems odd that PT work is enough to stop you receiving the benefits you need.)

Original poster

needtodie · 01/02/2011 12:55

The school are already against me after I complained about something the school nurse said to me. They reported me to SS.

GP would maybe be reasonable but if any of XH's cronies saw me going into the surgery I would be snookered.

The court the last time said it was more important that dd saw her very large paternal extended family at least once a week than it was for me to be able to earn a living wage. I can't see them changing their mind.

OP posts:

NetworkGuy · 01/02/2011 12:56

Please get help. We don't know even a fraction of your situation but if you can talk to someone at Samaritans or another similar organisation you can go into what has been going on and they will listen.

If there was some way I could help I would.

Please do not think there's only one 'solution' as it would be so unfair on your daughter to not have your support in later life. One day you will be able to explain any lies and stories told to her by your ExH but if you are no longer in her life she will be unable to see you as a loving mother, and worse will forever be given false stories about you.

CinnabarRed · 01/02/2011 12:57

OP, you need legal advice too. I can't believe that you were properly advised before if the court stopped you moving to work. It may be possible to get the previous court order lifted.

midnightexpress · 01/02/2011 12:57

Don't worry about your XH's cronies. There are any number of reasons you could be going to the doctor's. If anyone says anything just make something up.

And don't worry about the details or the court yet. One step at a time. Speak to the doctor and the CAB first. Take control of the situation instead of letting your XP walk all over you.

MrsRichardHammond · 01/02/2011 12:58

I find it hard to believe that they would be so rigid on something like that.

Also if your XH's family do clock you going to the GP's tell them it's for a smear (just to watch them squirm) if they ask :)

Original poster

needtodie · 01/02/2011 13:01

Your friend's really luck midnight. I was actually offered a job and had to turn it down because court said no. I even had somewhere to live and school place for dd. The court judgement said I was being selfish.

I have no other family in the area I am allowed to take dd. Have some the other side of Scotland and clustered around English/Welsh border. If I went to them I would be forced to leave dd behind, I can't do that.

The house is in my mum's name.

I went to a solicitor a couple of weeks ago and she said I would need to wait at least 3 more years of trying to get things better here before I go try and challenge the court order :(.

OP posts:

MrsRichardHammond · 01/02/2011 13:03

Ignore the court order and do what you want to do anyway to make YOU better. Trust me on this. A court order CAN be ignored if you can prove it's in the childs best interests, which clearly it is if you are able to move away for a better quality of life. I can't see how any judge would be unreasonable enough to ignore the reasoning behind a move.

But please please go and see your GP today.

midnightexpress · 01/02/2011 13:04

I don't know, but it sounds as if you're getting bad support from the solicitor if this is the situation you end up in. How is it selfish to take action to make your DD's life better?

As the others say, go the CAB as soon as possible.

NetworkGuy · 01/02/2011 13:04

Well consider this the first week of that 3 year climb, and know there are people willing you to get employment (I'm hoping to have staff in Scotland within 6 months, want a job ?) so don't be disheartened, and don't give up. Please.

CinnabarRed · 01/02/2011 13:07

Maybe post in legal when you're feeling ready?

wubblybubbly · 01/02/2011 13:19

OP have you spoken to anyone in RL about how you are feeling?

I know it can feel terrifying making that first step, but there is help there and it has to be worth exploring, yes?

It's hard when you think you have no options, that everything is set up against you. The thing is, you wdo have other options, you have had bad advice, your future is undoubtedly much brighter than it seems right now, it's just difficult to see these things when you're feeling so low.

Give yourself and your DD a chance of happiness and pick up the phone, please. It can't do any harm at all, can it?

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