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Original poster

Can't take any more

85 replies

needtodie · 01/02/2011 11:57

Name changed for obvious reasons so don't out me if you recognise me.

I have had enough the only option left to make the world a better place is for me to die. It would have been better if I had been drowned at birth but its too late for that now.

I can't work out how to do it though. Even though every one who knows me knows the world's better if I'm dead it must be horrible to find a dead body and I don't want to put anyone else at risk like jumping off a motorway bridge.

OP posts:
ElectricSoftParade · 01/02/2011 11:58

I am so sorry you are feeling like this, would it help to talk? Keep posting for a bit, wise women on here are sure to help you. ((Hug))

Original poster
needtodie · 01/02/2011 11:59

I really need to die, I have been trying to fix it for too long there are no options left.

OP posts:
theagedparent · 01/02/2011 12:00

08457 90 90 90 for the Samaritans. Please ring them

MrsRichardHammond · 01/02/2011 12:00

No you don't. There are ALWAYS alternatives. Can you call someone to help you? Or walk into your GP's surgery and get help x

CeliaFate · 01/02/2011 12:01

Ring the Samaritans now. There is always an option. Please seek help, go to A+E, call 999. Suicide is not an option.

Beauregard · 01/02/2011 12:02

So sorry you feel so wretched(been there myself)
Please keep talking on here or to the samaritans

ElectricSoftParade · 01/02/2011 12:03

I do agree with the above posters. Please call someone and try to work through this.

Original poster
needtodie · 01/02/2011 12:06

They will make sure I never see dd again so it is better off that I am gone because I can't live without her

OP posts:
FreudianSlippery · 01/02/2011 12:07

Whatever it is, don't let it beat you. You can get through it (another survivor here)

Talk it out here - nobody will out you and I bet somebody will have ideas of what to do.

MrsRichardHammond · 01/02/2011 12:07

No they won't, they will if you try and fail, but if you seek help they will support you and help you care for her and keep her in your own home. Your dd will be lost without her mummy. Please. Get some help.

FoundWanting · 01/02/2011 12:08

who are 'they' and why will they do this?

It is horrible finding a dead body. I found my partner's body 16 years ago and I still have flash-backs. Worse though was witnessing the devastation his death wrought among his family and friends.

Please speak to someone. There is help out there.

CeliaFate · 01/02/2011 12:08

Your dd needs her mummy. Please don't leave her to wonder if it was her fault.

MrsRichardHammond · 01/02/2011 12:10

Where is your dd now?

Original poster
needtodie · 01/02/2011 12:13

She is already starting to hate me they have made sure of that. They want me dead and every time I show signs of coping the pile on more shit. 3 years on I have no energy left to fight. They are XH's family and they have the authorities on their side because of connections.

I have not much money left and can't find a job, I am homeless and camped out at my mums who has been fucking well drinking this morning and I will never be able to move out :(

OP posts:
Original poster
needtodie · 01/02/2011 12:13

She's at school richard.

OP posts:
MrsRichardHammond · 01/02/2011 12:15

Deep breath. Start to think in practical terms.

First get onto the council, get your mum to write a letter 'evicting' you and find some emergency housing.

Secondly NO one has 'connections' with the authorities no matter what they say.

Thirdly, if you have the energy, speak to the CAB, you are entitled to 30mins free legal advice so take it.

But your top priority is getting yourself to your GP NOW!

bathbuns · 01/02/2011 12:21

Another person who has been there, who thought there were absolutely zero options left, but there were.
If you are feeling absolutely desperate can you go along to a and e and tell them this is what you want to do? They will keep you safe and start putting in a plan to help you.
Your dd needs you. She might be very confused because of what your XH's family is doing, but she does love you. She only has one mum. You can never be relaced. So you have to hang on.
Keep writing things down, there will be more people here who have other practical ideas that can help you.

Original poster
needtodie · 01/02/2011 12:21

Already been to housing office was second last straw. Worked out the emergency rent + council tax would leave £50 per month for utilities and food. If it was just me I wouldn't bother with heating but can't let dd freeze.

OP posts:
MrsRichardHammond · 01/02/2011 12:22

You can get help from housing benefit and council tax benefit - they pay the whole lot if you're unemployed.

Please get to the hospital or GP's

Original poster
needtodie · 01/02/2011 12:26

I can't I just can't. The housing office say I have to pay it all my self as I have a 'high' pay from my part time job.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 01/02/2011 12:27

Call shelter.

Don't think of suicide.

iskra · 01/02/2011 12:28

Please call the Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 or go to your GP.

Whereabouts are you? I'm in London if you want a cuppa.

BuntyPenfold · 01/02/2011 12:29

Rates of benefit can't be as low as that, or no one would get by.
Honestly, you can't have worked it out correctly, though I am not surprised, the state you are in.
Other people on benefits should be able to give you a better idea of likely income.

HOWEVER, YOU are the most important thing just now.
Please please get help.

If only because your suicide would be a triumph for your ex.
It would also be a life-long catastrophe for your daughter.

Original poster
needtodie · 01/02/2011 12:30

Thanks iskara but I'm miles away.

My mum is now ranting away about how I make her have to drink, it was her drinking that set me off because I am so scared someone official knocks at the door and finds her drunk. I have tried explaining this when she is sober but she just doesn't get it.

OP posts:
MrsRichardHammond · 01/02/2011 12:31

Good point Bunty - don't let your Ex and his family win this. Think of it in those terms and you will be fine. Keep fighting.