It's my fault that the NHS is too expensive

[snowmash]

and I can't do anything about it :(

Nice tea icon.

I hope everyone got a good night's sleep.

I am really stumped. And stupid, but I think that's because I can't understand why I am crying when I understand how everything should be. Maybe just sad, but I shouldn't be. Or maybe it's because I can't remember how I'm supposed to get the glue out of my hair, and I forgot I was allergic to micropore so don't know what to do about all the blisters either.

Left my drugs in the hospital reception because they are not mine, they are the NHS' and I shouldn't be taking them. I hope they give them to someone who should be taking them.

I don't know how far it goes either - most of the money for my clothes/food/belongings etc. should go back to the NHS, but it can't all because I've spent some/lots, and that makes me very guilty.

The psych couldn't understand me either unless I did one word answers,so couldn't get stuff across either - would guess he was the junior on call to the main hospital. Think he said to ring the crisis team if I wanted to kill myself, but that doesn't make sense.

Hope everyone has a good day.

and he was holding a bit of paper that said cpa at the top, which makes no sense either.

A bit of paper saying cpa makes perfect sense Snowmash. Care Program Approach for Mental Health is what you need right now. I'm going to be awful and say that I'm very disappointed that they have let you go and that I hope that they will follow you up.

Because you have lost contact with reality and it's worrying. If you were my rl friend I would take steps to get you seen by a psychiatrist or have you checked over in the Warnsford as you are not looking after yourself and are displaying clear signs of serious mental illness. Leaving your meds behind was a daft thing to do. You need them and you are intelligent enough to know that they wil be destroyed and not given to another patient. And you put yourself in danger by suddenly stopping them.

And you have no duty and no need t give anything back to the NHS - certainly not your clothes (??????). The best thing you can do for the NHS is comply with the treatment you need so you won't get even worse.

Morning snowmash, and I'm glad you posted, despite crying, because you really do need the drugs you left at the hospital, and madmouse is right that without the prescribed drugs you could be in danger. At least one of the drugs is an anti-depressant, and you're crying because you are depressed and need the medication.
The psych was trying to arrange some ongoing care for you, as I see it, and I think you do need to contact someone and sort this out, and before you feel worse.
I remember LittleRedDragon offered to help out with errands etc, would you like me to ask her to arrange something, like getting your meds back from the hospital, for a start?
You have depression, you have odd ideas that you don't deserve treatment from the NHS and you are without your usual meds after a hospital stay, and I'm worried for you.

But I can't have a CPA because I don't know about it - they would have to involve me (and someone like me wouldn't get a psych as care coordinator - she's the only person I've seen).

5/7 years my bursary has been from the NHS - the past two it has been an awful lot of money that I haven't earnt. That's why my things are theirs. I do need to try and undo all the damage I've done to the NHS.

If it had just been one of the young doctors, I might have been able to stay. But the male one was being a typical Oxford man (i.e. 'gently' domineering/charming older brother by turns when they think you're doing something 'wrong', socially or academically). Maybe I should have stayed, but I can't go back now - I could hear all the stress about beds/nurses/lack of nurses, and there were really sick people that needed to be on that ward because they were talking about them.

I can't think of anything I can do about the medicines as I can't get them back (I don't think - they might not even have found them), and I don't know what the changed doses were (my consultant asked if I felt more sad since they'd changed the doses earlier in the week). I'm not seriously ill - I just don't want to keep hurting the NHS, and my itching/abdo pain might be from the meds. I have 1 of my meds, most of them are just neuro drugs.

They might be able to use them for other people because they didn't leave the ward. (the doors are always locked because of people with brain injury/confusion after brain surgery etc.)

I do hear you both about contacting someone, but I think the weekend is a really bad time to do that - that's why I felt so bad about the junior doctors last night because there was nobody they could turn to.

Hello again snowmash,
I do understand why you think you owe the NHS, but they're not looking at it the same way, so don't worry about it. Your things were given to you, so you are still the ownw=er as no-one asked for them back.
I think they were trying to involve you in the care plan, but possibly not explaining it in the right way when you left, which is why I think you should make another attempt at sorting things out today.
The mental health crisis teams are really wonder-workers, and can arrange stuff even at weekends and overnight, including drugs if necessary. Junior doctors will have someone on call too, even out-of-hours, so don't worry about them.
I'm not local, but maybe your crisis team will be in the phone book? I can assure you they'd rather be in touch with you now rather than later, and anyone can phone them, so please do think about this, love,S

Hello again snowmash,are you still at home?
I just remembered, you mentioned the glue in your hair earlier - I can't imagine what you've been doing to get glue there (!) but cleaning it up rather depends on what type of glue it is.
Let's assume it's ordinary water-based, well
a wet-wipe would be most convenient so I'd try that first, or a cloth with ordinary soap and water. If it's Copydex or similar, I'd try nail-polish remover, turps or meths, and wash out the smell with water and fe w drops vinegar once it's gone.
For really difficult stains, WD40 is worth a go, altho that's smelly too, and if none of these work I'd make a hairdressing appointment.

Sorry I don't know what to do about micropore allergies, but can recommend Neutrogena Skin Repair Cream for general skin problems.
Hope you're feeling more cheerful now, and have at least thought about contacting the hospital

shodatin it's the glue used to attach EEG leads

aceton/nail polish remover apparently does the trick but I couldn't bring myself to use that on ds's newborn hair (he had lots of EEGs in his first 3 weeks)so I spent hours peeling it out bit by bit.

Hi snowmash, sorry things are so rotten today.

But I'm really worried you've dumped your drugs. Anti-depressants can have big withdrawal effects, so stopping them suddenly can stop your mind working properly.

I second what madmouse said about ringing the crisis team sooner rather than later. Is there anything we can help with, like finding a phone number or anything?

Thinking of you.

By the way, really impressed by the combined glue expertise on here! I was obviously missing vital life skills till this moment.

madmouse thank you very much, you are right about the glue. They scrubbed a lot of acetone in to get some of it out (my hair was soaked through) - I had forgotten what it was called, but it made my head more sore (I probably shouldn't have come home and slept with it on). I wouldn't want to do that to a little one either :(

shodatin, it was the neuro docs that were suggesting I could stay.

I've been quiet because I'm really trying to understand.

I'm trying to work out why I should phone the crisis team.

I'm also trying to work out if I can, because I think they must be part of the NHS too, so that would be wrong of me.

Ouch, was that acetone on your blisters? Sounds painful, poor you.

You could phone the crisis team and let them decide - they can assess you and if they decide no help's needed, no harm done. If you liked, you could point them to this thread like you did your GP.

More immediately, they may also be able to sort out your meds, because coming off them so suddenly isn't good for you.

In the meantime I'm making a big pot and we can have all round.

Good idea TIANC, have just sat down for a rest with a , remembering to make hot chocolate despite the calories.

Snowmush, can you remember what the neuro doctor was suggesting about the crisis team, apart from phoning them if you felt suicidal?
You probably don't feel like this, but anyone who stops anti-depressants can be in danger, and you could well start thinking like this, which is why we are worried and nagging you to return to the meds you seem to have left at the hospital. Crisis team is NHS too, they are available 24/7 and would probably be the quickest way to get your medicines back.

They weren't saying anything about the crisis team - they wanted me to take my meds and were suggesting I could stay overnight and discuss things in the morning.

It was the psych oncall who I didn't understand/he didn't understand what I was saying that muttered that when I asked (again) what they were (because he was acting like I was stupid for not knowing).

I can't ask for their help if they are NHS because I can't have anything from the NHS - that hasn't changed.

Well, thanks for explaining about the crisis team, I'm beginning to understand what he meant but I'm still unable to understand why you've decided you can't take your tablets.

Anyway, I do hope you're feeling better, got your hair sorted and had something to eat - (I
have just got back myself or would have been in touch earlier)

Snowmash you have invented a rule that you are not allowed to use the NHS

That rule is wrong and it makes your life impossible and it also makes a lot of people worried.

The rule is honest to my good Lord total nonsense and you need to let it go.

The whole point of the NHS is that we all share it together and it is there for whoever needs it.

It is the very fact that you believe you cannot use the NHS that shows that you are not thinking normally and that you need help. You are not right, you are ill.

Everything madmouse just said.

I'm sorry to pile in on you, snowmash. You must be feeling horribly got at. But honestly, what madmouse says is completely true. Even if you can't understand why, just now.

We're terribly worried for you. Please call the crisis team.

Everything madmouse and TIANC just said.

People who are ill and prescribed drugs really should be taking them, otherwise one really is a timewaster.

Sorry we're being so blunt. Thanks for still being here, snowmash.

Will say goodnight now, and hope we all sleep well; another day tomorrow.

Just finished watching recorded "Tudors", off to bed.

Hope everyone gets a decent night's sleep.

X-post, shodatin! Like snowmash said, psychic!

I am very scared since reading this last night.

Morning snowmash, Sorry if we scared you, but I think we are agreed that the NHS was not set up with a view to people "owing" anything and it doesn't work like that.

What would you say to someone who was not well, had just left hospital without having an agreed care plan in place and had also dumped

their usual medication?

Am personally a bit scared you may need your meds, sp please think about it.

And I hope you have a good day -S

I know you all think that. What scares me is that I remember my spec. nurse saying that I shouldn't change my medications without talking to a doctor. I should do what she/her colleagues say because they know what they are talking about. But I did the complete opposite. And I can't get the medicines back from the ward, and they will probably find out that I left them there and think that I don't listen to them.