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Mental health

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Original poster

I feel I am reaching the end

119 replies

NelsonsGirl · 09/10/2005 14:50

Just that really. I feel I am reaching the end. I have given, given, given for years and I just don't get anything back. I have just had a massive breakdown in front of the family and still nothing changes. I don't want to go on like this. I want to run away from my life.

I have changed my name for this post as I don't feel I will get a response under my usual name. Can anyone spend a bit of time talking to me?

OP posts:

aloha · 09/10/2005 20:14

I still think expecting gratitude from your children is pointless. YOu may like it when it happens, but if you expect it and feel sad and angry all the time because it isn't happening, how does that benefit you? Why do you do things for your children? Because you enjoy doing them, because you want them to be happy or get their gratitude? I think their pleasure is more satisfying than their gratitude in the long run - though i fully admid that whinging is very wearing.

bakabat · 09/10/2005 20:17

I agree about the gratitude- I was quite an easy child/teen but I didn't really feel much gratitude towards my mum until I had my own. Now I seep gratitude, but really had no idea how much my mum did (still does!) until I was doing it myself.

soapbox · 09/10/2005 20:22

NG - I think I know who you are (and it isn't LM Cod)

You are having a really hard time at the moment financially and I think it is to be expected that the fall out from this pervades your whole life!

It is probably worth trying to find some free things to do and trying to get yourself active to try and busy yourself out of the doldrums.

I do totally agree with Aloha re the gratitude thing. I suspect you want it because your self esteem is low right now (and that ties in with the rest of your posts) but I would hate, really hate, for my children to be grateful for effectively being children. I think if you get the self esteem issues sorted then you won't have to look to a child's feedback and gratitude to make you feel good about yourself!

You are clearly a talented and likable person. Go on put on your brave face and get out there and get busy!!!!

Blackduck · 09/10/2005 20:22

I'm so nearish to birmingham I can't even really use the term nearish......

jollymum · 09/10/2005 20:30

Part of being a friend is just that-listenng to your mate whinging on about her life/husband/problems and laughing about it or just telling them to shut up and get pissed I agree, we should swap numbers and if it gets too intense, or I get sooo bored about another human beings' feelings, I'll stop being a MNetter and leave! I will never, ever turn anyones else's feelings into trivial crap, they are important feelings to that person. I have disagreed with loads of stuff on here, and agreed with tons of it but when it comes to feelings that are cooped up or shared, shared is normally best IMHO. I defy anyone here or in RL to tell me that their life is perfect because if it is, then they are not living reality. I have had people listen to me on here and in RL, and I honestly think people's views, stories, tales of similiar happenings can change someone's life/perspective of life.

jollymum · 09/10/2005 20:37

And re gratitude-it may be pointless but it should be expected and received. What does it cost to say thankyou? I make a point of mentioning things I have done sometimes and I do expect my kids to appreciate what I or someone else has done for them. IMHO that's common manners and decency and if kids are not taught to be thankful and appreciate other's actions, they will get selfish and expect eveything done for them because it's "our job" as mums. Well, basic stuff is, like feeding keeping clean and getting them to school. Running around like a blue arsed fly, being a taxi, sorting out quarrels, running to school just in time with their homework to avoid a detention, love lives, tiffs between friends and ensuring that it doesn't matter if you don't get the part of Mary in the play, it's life and that's the way it is. {IMHO}..

jollymum · 09/10/2005 21:10

Going to bed soon, just waiting to snaek up on littlest one and scare him to bed He's playing up tonight, had really late night for him because teas was late. Usually in bed at about 7ish, still moaning about drinks, having tapes etc etc. Gouing to hide behind door and scream at him. Heyho, joys of beinga mum. Before I get reported to SS, it's a JOKE

[walks away chuckling quietly......]

jollymum · 09/10/2005 21:12

Oh my god, my spelling..sorry

[quietly sneaks back behind small child's door, waitng for that ultimate moment....]

jollymum · 09/10/2005 21:13

I need a life and a spelling test! He's asleep and I was quite prepared to wait at least 5 minutes.

Original poster

Nelsonsgirl · 09/10/2005 21:29

Thanks for making me smile Jollymum. I went away from the computer for a bit because I thought a confrontation was rising re my last comment about expecting gratitude from the children, but I see you at least agree with me on that one. I dond't want them to be grateful that I gave birth to them but I don't see why they can't show gratitude when they are treated in some way or another. Maybe it is an older child thing.

BTW, my littlest one is still awake! He slept too long this afternoon and can't settle. Typical!

Oh and also, I am not going to enter a guess-who-this-Mumsnetter-is game but I am not Lonelymum. She and I do have a few things in common though so I think she knows how I feel.

OP posts:

jollymum · 10/10/2005 09:10

Morning..just off to work, speak to all later

Blackduck · 11/10/2005 21:23

NG - been tinking about you - been off line (at work, new job, less internet time...) Hope all okay....

Original poster

Nelsonsgirl · 11/10/2005 21:29

No, still wishing my life away.

Really not coping anymore.

OP posts:

Blackduck · 12/10/2005 06:32

NG - anything I can do? Only online first thing in the morning/at night......don't go on like this

noddyholder · 12/10/2005 08:52

If you have your health and a lovely family what is stopping you getting out there and doing anything?If it is about money go back to work for the social aspect and self esteem for now and wait until both kids are in school for the financial gain.If you have bitten off more than you can chew mortgage wise sell up and buy somewhere you can afford Life is short and you need to live it.A walk in the park or a picnic don't cost much or have a family film day with a dvd and lots of snacky foods.I agree that you sound a bit depressed as you have an excuse as to why you can't do any of these things and don't seem prepared to try.This is not a criticism just an observation btw maybe you should see your gp?

Original poster

Nelsonsgirl · 12/10/2005 09:02

Thank you Blackduck for thinking of me. I don't think there is anything anyone can do except me. I feel very swamped at the moment, but I am going to try to make this weekend a bit different.

NH, the work thing really wouldn't be easy to organise and I am afraid it would add to my stress levels. But I am going to try to pick up my family life. I feel I need to start appreciating what I have got more than I have been doing, and also, perhaps giving some more to my dh in the hope that he will give something back to me. Although we love each other, we haven't been very close lately IYSWIM. On the one hand, I feel I am just deciding to give more (when at the weekend I felt I had nothing more to give) but on the other hand, I can see that it is very hard for my dh to have me so low and stressed all the time so I am going to have to work at that.

I really would like some special pampering time for me, but I suppose everyone feels like that from time to time. I would agree with you that I am depressed, but my GP didn't think so.

OP posts:

RainbowWalker · 12/10/2005 09:14

Just picked up this thread and I thought I'd add my thoughts in case they help at all...

I had PND after ds1 and felt quite trapped in an unhappy marriage when I discovered dh had been having an affair. I was contemplating doing the same, just to get back at him, to make me feel special, to hurt him, to get noticed, oh a whole range of reasons... but just in many ways to break the monotony.

Not sure how, but these thoughts came out in a conversation with my GP (very caring lady)... she had a few suggestions to get some control over my life FOR ME and one of these was to go to the local beautician for a bit of pampering...

Just for me... not him, not the baby or anyone else...

It was a fabulous feeling (although I felt guilty, I wasn't as riddled with guilt as I'd have been if I'd started an affair!) to go long and book some treatments... I had a full aromatherapy (uplifting) massage with relaxing music and special treatment that made me feel so wonderful for quite some time afterwards.

Now I don't do that anymore, but I do get my nails done eery three weeks (again "just for me") and just to look at sexy nails on me makes me feel like another woman and special...

Just thought I'd share... find something specific that appeals to you maybe...

"Because you're worth it "

layla · 12/10/2005 14:28

What about a hobby?How about joining us on the arty thread and making some cards.I know it sounds a bit silly but since I've been making them for a year and a half it's really changed my life and it's been the best time ever for me.I can send you some bits to play with if you'd like to try it?There are so many things to make it easy you don't really have to be artistic.I'll pop in a magazine for you too??

Blackduck · 14/10/2005 22:03

Ng - here's to this weekend - make it different - hope it works.....!

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