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Original poster

I feel I am reaching the end

119 replies

NelsonsGirl · 09/10/2005 14:50

Just that really. I feel I am reaching the end. I have given, given, given for years and I just don't get anything back. I have just had a massive breakdown in front of the family and still nothing changes. I don't want to go on like this. I want to run away from my life.

I have changed my name for this post as I don't feel I will get a response under my usual name. Can anyone spend a bit of time talking to me?

OP posts:
Original poster
NelsonsGirl · 09/10/2005 15:51

I did try going back a few years back. OK, maybe the particular job I got wasn't the best (I only lasted 4 months!) but generally I just found the stress of combining work and home was too much. Also, once childcare was paid for, there wasn't any appreciable difference in the money we had coming in. And money would be one of the main reasons for going back to work.

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madmarchscare · 09/10/2005 15:51

How old are kids?

madmarchscare · 09/10/2005 15:52

What about training to do something you actually enjoy?

Original poster
NelsonsGirl · 09/10/2005 15:52

Hmmm don't want to give away who I am but suffice to say the oldest is primary age and the youngest is 2.

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Original poster
NelsonsGirl · 09/10/2005 15:54

Yes, have thought of a career change but my old job was quite well paid and nothing I could train for now would pay better. It is hard trying to weigh up whether it is better to do a job that is enjoyable or whether it is better to earn as much money as possible and therefore work as little as possible. Does that make sense?

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madmarchscare · 09/10/2005 15:55

If you manage now without the extra cash then surely it should just be about you?

madmarchscare · 09/10/2005 15:57

X post.

Yes it does, Im in the same boat really, but I have decided that its not about the money I can earn, I just dont want the crap that comes with it .

Im going to re train.

Original poster
NelsonsGirl · 09/10/2005 15:57

We do manage, but I am sick of "managing". I want to experience some spending power again.

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KristinaM · 09/10/2005 15:58

If your Dh and kids are happy with the way things are and you are not then the only one who has any incentive to change things is you. you will have to start to make changes. Sorry i knwo it probably souds really obvious and unhelpful. But no one can change your life for you.

Dont you think it would help to talk it through with an outsider? I mean, not friend/family? To help you work out what you want and hwo you can get it.

Why do you think no one would reply under your usual MN name? I dont mean I want to knwo, i just think it might help you to think about the answer. Is it coz you always put on a brave front and make jokes? Or the opposite - coz you awlays moan but never do anything so people get fed up with you?

Original poster
NelsonsGirl · 09/10/2005 15:58

What did you do and what are you going to do next? Do you mind me asking?

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madmarchscare · 09/10/2005 16:01

Somewhere inbetween then surely?

It is difficult and I think sometimes we convince ourselves that whatever we think of or whatever anyone suggests (not me by the way) is not an option just to avoid it.

KristinaM · 09/10/2005 16:02

sorry - are you saying that this is all about money? that if you had some "spending power" you life would be fine?

Original poster
NelsonsGirl · 09/10/2005 16:02

Kristina - good question and you are right, it does make me think. I suppose, I am a moaner. But Mumsnetters sometimes expect you to change your life on the advice of a few casual posts, and it is not that easy. I really changed my name though because I don't always get much response and I thought changing my name might help.

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madmarchscare · 09/10/2005 16:03

I worked for an international IT company. I will be training as a health care assistant at the local hospital.

TheRtHonBaronessEnidOBE · 09/10/2005 16:03

if you are saying this kind of thing every day they will be immune to it.

The problem is, IMO, that you cannot get the kind of help you want from your dh and kids. you have to do it for yourself.

whta kind of relationship do you have with your dp?

I am on the pc and my dh is watching the grand prix also - but we have just been for a lovely long walk with both ours (2 and 5) - what kind of things do you all do together?

not trying to probe too deeply but just trying to work out how you might improve things

Original poster
NelsonsGirl · 09/10/2005 16:04

Sorry posts becoming crossed. I was responding to Kristina's question about why I changed my name.

Is it all about money? No of course not, but money is one of the things grinding me down right now. It is also about having no life, being unappreciated, never escaping drudgery, having no self confidence, missing my life as a single woman.......

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KristinaM · 09/10/2005 16:05

you are absoltely right, its very hard to chaneg your life, especially if you have a partner & kids so anything you do impacts on others.I think thats why several people have suggested talking to a counsellor or someone like that.You cant do it on the basis of a few posts.

Original poster
NelsonsGirl · 09/10/2005 16:05

Enid, we don't do anything together, that is the honest truth. I find that very hard. Add that to the list of what this is all about!

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TheRtHonBaronessEnidOBE · 09/10/2005 16:06

so how does your weekend normally go?

btw, not holding myself up as a paragon, but I had an extremely well paid job pre kids and now work for peanuts for an arts charity, it really helps to make me feel better about my life though.

KristinaM · 09/10/2005 16:07

So its not as simple as getting a job, right? Not saying you should/shouldnt, just its more complicated than that? These are huge mega issues that honestly you cant sort out on line.

madmarchscare · 09/10/2005 16:07

Does he know you are unhappy, I mean really know?

Original poster
NelsonsGirl · 09/10/2005 16:10

NO I know I can't sort them out online Kristina, but it helps to talk things through (and it stops me screaming at the children - sometimes). I don't have anybody I can talk this through with.

Enid, a typical weekend is me doing all the domestic chores I do throughout the week - cooking, tidying up, getting things ready for the week, forcing children to do homework, etc - and dh doing all the little jobs he can't do during the week because he has no time. It isn't necessarily an acrimonious existence, it is just BORING.

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madmarchscare · 09/10/2005 16:13

I do all the boring housy stuff in the week.

Dont lift a finger at the weekend. Get out for a walk, look on your local authorities web site for things to do or get the kids to help you in the garden.

TheRtHonBaronessEnidOBE · 09/10/2005 16:13

when dh and i get like this (he does diy I clean/cook) I insist we stop at a certain time and all get out of the house together. Eg we have had quite a dull weekend so next week on Sunday we are going to the beach at 12pm - we have the morning to do our 'chores' then we are going out!

Original poster
NelsonsGirl · 09/10/2005 16:14

Yes he knows. I find that hard too. I mean, if he knows I am unhappy, why doesn't he try to do something for me? I have to admit I am one of those sad people who is always unhappy. I can honestly say, I am never happy except when I look back on times in my life and then it is bittersweet because I look back and think "Life was good then but I didn't appreciate it". Even when dh and I were first together, I felt unhappy even though I loved him madly, but at least then he would try to make me happy. But now, he thinks he can do nothing and so I feel even unhappier because I see him acting as though he does not care about my unhappiness.

Have I blown it with your sympathy now? I have made myself sound like the most trying and miserable person on earth, haven't I?

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