I feel I am reaching the end

[NelsonsGirl]

Just that really. I feel I am reaching the end. I have given, given, given for years and I just don't get anything back. I have just had a massive breakdown in front of the family and still nothing changes. I don't want to go on like this. I want to run away from my life.

I have changed my name for this post as I don't feel I will get a response under my usual name. Can anyone spend a bit of time talking to me?

I understand, sorry if i sound like a hard cow. But I honestly think that if you are as unhappy as you make out, you need to FIND someone to talk to. You said that you are "reaching the end".That sounds like more than " I am pissed off at my Dh and kids and having a boring weekend". Sory if i have misread you.

Madmarchscare, how does that work? Who cooks dinner? Who washes up? Who makes the bed? Who sees the school uniform is washed and ironed? Who baths the children, washes their hair? I have to do those things at the weekend, don't I?

Yes you are right. I need someone to talk to. I wasn't cross with you. The no typed in capitals was a typing error, not me shouting at you.

And yes, this is not about my boring weekend. It is about my boring life and my feeling that I want out.

NG - you dont need my sympathy coz it wont do you any good. And i certainly cant give you any advice - if I was such an expert my own life would be perfect and its not. The only person who can work out what you need/want is you. And most of us find this hard to do alone. Thats all I'm trying to say.

I suspect that all thats going to happen here is that Mners will come up with helpful suggestions or ideas from their own experince and you will bomb them out coz "that will never work for me because.....". If you have mega issues about your whole life you will need to put mega time and effort into sorting it out.

Girl - no one said it woudl be easy

For example, I coudl say to you: (following your reply to MMH)

Get DH to cook dinner
Get older kids to wash up
Everyone apart from the 2yo can make own bed
Why do you iron school unfoirm?
Surely school aged kids can bath themsleves?

See, its no help at all is it??????

sorry have to go to see to kids. will check in with you later so leave me a message will you?

I always wonder why people expect that their advice will be accepted and followed to the letter. I have seen threads like this go that way before, ie someone like me comes on because they have reached the end of their tether. Several Mumsnetters offer advice and then get angry when original poster doesn't instantly jump up and change their lives to tie in exactly with the advice. If things were that simple, don't you think the original poster would have done it by themselves without reaching the end of their tether?

OK cards on the line: I want support. I want sisterhood. I want an impartial ear. I want to listen to people's ideas so I can go away and think about things. I don't want to be told what to do. I can make my own decisions.

Here you go,

How about you all make dinner together, leave the pots, leave the beds, forget the bath and the uniform gets a quick run over on Monday morning.

But I guess that isnt going to happen as this isnt really the problem.

Have yo been to the docs?, you sound depressed to me.

X with your last post.

NG I understand it is the monotonous grind of it all (have the same feeling myself - hamsters and wheels come to mind), but you need to find time for you and your partner (even an hour on your own where you talk is better than nothing..)
Agree with Madas - leave the beds, make dinners that require minimal washing up (and take minimal time), get the family to help... - sod the ironing -
Not sure what else to say, except the whoel 'happy' thing is something I could have written...

No, I don't think the problem is that I have chores to do at the weekend. Apart from the cooking which I have to do, most of it does get left anyway. The trouble is that I never get away from the tie of the endless drudgery. It doesn't matter whether I do it or not, it is always there.

I have sought medical help. I am not depressed though - not clinically anyway.

Sorry you are the same way inclined as me Blackduck, re the happiness issue. It is a bugger isn't it? I feel I am my own worst enemy.

will bow out

practical help is my thing, good luck with it though.

NG tell me about it! I think the problem is not being able to just 'be' if that makes sense...

I am sorry if I pushed you away Enid. Your post about finding time for the family was very encouraging for me. I do feel that is important to our happiness as a family.

Yes Blackduck, I live on a perpetual "if only" treadmill. I wrecked my entire courtship with dh (presumably one of the happiest times in ones life)because I knew I wanted to marry him after a few months together, but he is younger than me and needed longer to feel ready for marriage. For about three years, I was always begging him to marry me and he held back, so I would have a strop and we would have many stormy times together. looking back, it was horrible (I am amazed he stuck with me) and yet it was also wonderful of course, as new love is, and I can only think now "Why did I wreck it by going on about marriage all the time? We got there in the end".

We do talk at times though, despite how it must seem now. We do at least acknowledge that this is the hard time in our marriage. I see other couples split when they get to our point in life and I think they are stupid not to be able to see that this is the hard bit, but easier times are ahead. Dh and I are at least strong on that point.

But increasingly, I am losing the will to keep struggling with everything. I soetimes think, I might not live to see the better times. I might die of cancer or be run over before they come, and then I just want to get out and run off and find life again before it is all gone.

Can understand that!

I feel just like you NG most of the time. Today is a bit better and a bit worse at the same time. Lately I have been tryign to find an interest in things I used to like doing, and had some success with getting into a novel this week. We DID go on an outing yesterday in honor of DHs birthday, which made the day go by, at least though the kids basically spoil most things with their non-stop demands and all the extra work they create. But my standards are getting ever lower so I just try to remember the fun bits. Unfortunately then had a low key but nasty disagreement with DH last night which really made me think why I am with him and could I leave? Very unreasonable, maybe the novel is making me even more dissatisfied?

I think the HE is dissatisfied too and the birthday has brought that home yet again. We've lost the few friends we had because of the kids.

It is definitely a mistake to only live for the future, but it seems to be almost impossible to enjoy the day-to-day here and now (especially when it is basically, not very enjoyable!). HOW does anyone do it?

I used to have a boss and when we had planning meetings and we got too carried away discussing a forthcoming event, she invariably used to stop it by saying "But we are wishing our lives away". How true! I can only sit and dream about the past, about people I met in the past, about how I would like to meet them again, etc, or else dreaming about the future and how much better my life will be then. When I reach a crisis point, I cry at the realisation that I am wishing my life away.

Majorstress, your post could have been written by me. It is comforting to think that there are people out there just like me, but sad too. A shame we can't somehow make things right for each other.

You sound so like me-someone once said to me, "Whatever I do, you'll never be happy will you?" and they're right I have days when I think life is wonderful, I love my life my kids etc etc and then they come in from school and bad mouth me, shout, complain about their tea and I get really, really MAD!! I have decided like you that I do all the stuff at the weekends that I spend all week catching up on and gave up money to do it, having supposed time for me down the gym etc ..HAH!! My DH is OK, really great, horrid, occasionally pissed and violent in no particular order. I found out why I was like this when I met my mum (adopted, long story!). She's just like me, manic depressive (or so it seems) one minute, life and soul the next. I really have to try hard to do the glass thing, half full or half empty. Try it, break each thing/problem down and look at things. The kids are used to you shouting (I've had the weekend from hell with my teen) and TBH, I sometimes think they wouldn't care if I died. They fight, scream etc etc and I'm cooking a lovely dinner now. The littlest one will say that he doesn't like it..etc etc and I now don't care. He can have F..ng bread and butter, he won't starve and life will not collapse if we don't sit at the table. I am not now or ever going to be Mrs F..ng Walton, which is what I "signed up" for when I had kids. Oh, those cookie, rabbit, farm vegetable days...yeah, right.

Look we've got kids, sometimes they are ungrateful little beeps, but we've got them. Said smallest is screaming now because No 2 down the chain has bashed him. Life is sometimes shitty and you need a friend. Someone who you can moan to, time after time after time, have a laugh with and realise that life is only 99 per cent shitty, not 100 per cent.
I can be that friend, on line or through the phone. All Mn's have crappy days, talk to us. If we get bored, we'll turn off
I'm still here because you are not only "me".. you are countless laydeeze that feel the same as you. It's just that you feel you have loads of bad days, and some lucky buggers have very few.

OK seromon over, I'm here

sermon even!

Thanks Jollymum. You describe my life well! I know I am not the only one.

The reason I am here though is that I don't have that person I can rant to when I feel like it. If my life contained one woman who was going through the same as me and came for coffee a couple of times a week and we sounded off together and then ended up laughing, then I wouldn't be on Mumsnet at all I don't think.

........................................................

Long pause whilst I dream about those halcyon days when housewives had buddies like that. I know many still do. but many are cut off and friendless like me.

Well, where are you? Hint if it's possible..I'm sure there are MN there who would love a chat for an hour etc a week. Let me know, or I can give you my phone number (not here obviously because all those hunky men lurking here will want me, you know!}

That's exactly what I used MN for in the early days, NG! If your youngest is two, do you got to toddler groups or a nursery? I know M&T groups can be hell on Earth, but I persevered and now have two women at the same stage of life/motherhood as me and although we probably wouldn't have been friends if we'd met in our previous lives we are a good support for each other.

I sometimes feel a bit empty now that dd2 is at full time school. I have spent this past week, her first full week, sending my CV out to agencies and applying for one part time post in particular. I don't know what I want to do exactly yet but I know I sure as hell can't sit at home for 6 hours a day. I'm planning to throw feelers out everywhere I can and and see what happens. Does that sound like something you could do?