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Original poster

DS conceived by rape. not coping. help!

99 replies

babynoah · 12/12/2010 22:27

I was raped last year, my DS is now 7.5 MO. I have PND and i've been trying to work through it with my CPN, but i'm really not coping. I care about DS but i don't love him, I can't. All i can think about is how he came to be here. How much i didn't want this. how i hate myself for what happened. how that man has destroyed me.

I have a beautiful little boy but i can't enjoy him.

Please does anyone have any ideas.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 12/12/2010 23:27

Yeah, not sure that CBT is ideal for rape, though I guess you alos have previous issues, with self-harming? Do contact Rape Crisis as suggested earlier, they really are the experts.

methodsandmaterials · 12/12/2010 23:27

Have you suggested this to your CPN? Perhaps she could suggest where more specialised help could come from.

thisisyesterday · 12/12/2010 23:28

i'm glad you have people to talk to regularly, that's good

you should try CBT though, it can have very good results.

do you feel you're making progress with the CPN though with working through how you're feeling and finding ways of dealing with it?

StarlightMcKenzie · 12/12/2010 23:30

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Original poster
babynoah · 12/12/2010 23:31

thanks.
i guess i need to change my name. i dont want people how know me in RL seeing this.

I have been involved with a group in oxford called OXPIPS- who work on baby bonding. I didn't like the lady who i was working with. it cost me a fortune to get to the sessions.

OP posts:
narkypuffin · 12/12/2010 23:31

Maybe getting specific help eg from this placewould be a good idea. You could always talk to the CPN or your psychiatrist and see if they think it might help.

thisisyesterday · 12/12/2010 23:33

do you think that reporting it, even if it came to nothing, would help you gain some sort of closure (i hate that word)

i mean, could it help the healing process? knowing that you've done something?

i would definitely second the suggestion of talking to rape crisis

and perhaps there is someone else at oxpips you could see if you think there is potential there if you got on better with the person?

thecaptaincrocfamily · 12/12/2010 23:36

Is there a reason you feel unable to tell your mum, she would possibly be one of the best people to help you through this if you have a good relationship. It seems as though there is nobody close who can share the burden Sad

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/12/2010 23:37

good advice there from narky. think you might need some very specific counselling babynoah. explore you options.

am truly sorry for what you have been through and hope you find some peace.

and the troll hunters on this site really do piss me off. a quick search is enough to clearly see this girl is for real and so what if she wasnt? the advice is the same, real or no, and could help others out there in the same situation.

babynoah - keep posting, help is out there.

StarlightMcKenzie · 12/12/2010 23:39

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thisisyesterday · 12/12/2010 23:39

agree with telling Mum if you can.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 12/12/2010 23:40

Well, it looks like you got it wrong, StarlightMcKenzie.

StarlightMcKenzie · 12/12/2010 23:42

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blushington · 12/12/2010 23:42

Well MNHQ have deleted your posts and not babynoah's, so....

StarlightMcKenzie · 12/12/2010 23:43

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StarlightMcKenzie · 12/12/2010 23:44

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WintervalPansy · 12/12/2010 23:44

babynoah I don't have any resources from which to offer you advice but wanted to wish you well. It does sound like you need to talk more, and to someone else. Good luck.

regeneration · 12/12/2010 23:46

I wanted to tell me mum, i really did. but i don't want to burden her. i can see how much my depression past and present has hurt her.

I'm not sure if oxpips is the way to go. I will definatly call rape crisis. i have looked around their website and i think that its worth a shot.

I hate the word closure too. I'm not sure how i would feel about it TBH. I need a conclusion but i don't know if i am strong enough to air all of this in public in the real world

regeneration · 12/12/2010 23:46

BTW i change the name but its still me

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 12/12/2010 23:47

StarlightMcKenzie, because babynoah has been shown to be a real person, with a real baby, via the FB connections?

And yes, because your earlier comments have been deleted, and the Op is still here.

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/12/2010 23:49

help her, or bugger off i think.

thisisyesterday · 12/12/2010 23:49

hey... it isn't a burden. you must know now, being a mum yourself, that you would want to know if it had happened to a daughter of yours?

no "burden" is too much when it comes to children, and sharing it might help you come to terms with it better. knowing that someone close to you know, believes you and wants to help you through it?

I am sure your mum would want to know....

wewishyouamerrylissiemas · 12/12/2010 23:49

please lweave off starlight, she has simply expressed concerns, CVQ did a LOT of damage, and noone wants to see history repeat.

OP nothing to add, just want to say that I hope you get the help you need xx

regeneration · 12/12/2010 23:50

Don't have a go at starlight. it must be horrible for people to just come on to make stuff up. i don't like being called a liar, but i can see why starlight would be suspect. im a new poster and its a strange think to "break the ice" with so to speak

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 12/12/2010 23:50

OP, have you tightened up your FB access? Because namechanging midthread won't hide that...

I'm not sure you'll ever achieve "closure", which to me means "forgetting about it" (I know it's more complex than that). But you can come to terms with what has happened, and you can learn to love your baby.

But it'll take time, and support.

Glad you feel Rape Crisis would be appropriate, please do give them a call.