Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

DS conceived by rape. not coping. help!

99 replies

babynoah · 12/12/2010 22:27

I was raped last year, my DS is now 7.5 MO. I have PND and i've been trying to work through it with my CPN, but i'm really not coping. I care about DS but i don't love him, I can't. All i can think about is how he came to be here. How much i didn't want this. how i hate myself for what happened. how that man has destroyed me.

I have a beautiful little boy but i can't enjoy him.

Please does anyone have any ideas.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 12/12/2010 23:02

I think someone is questioning your authenticity.

If facing up to your difficulties is causing you problems then maybe you are one of the few people where talking about it doesn't help much.

Are you a "get on with it" sort of person?

Original poster
babynoah · 12/12/2010 23:03

Fine. if you think im making it up, thats your buisness. thats why i haven't spoken to anyone but my CPN about it, i knew people would like that.
i though MNetters would be differnt. aparently i was wrong.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 12/12/2010 23:06

no, actually, i don't.
i've seen the OP on other threads, and have also viewed her facebook profile which backs up what she has posted on here.

i have no reason to doubt her authenticity.

and you KNOW THE RULES!!!

and how does posting a "pomtroll" Hmm help..

if you absolutely couldn't help yourself from posting then you could have just put it better, or just warned people not to post. couldn't you? or PM'd the OP

booyhohoho · 12/12/2010 23:07

babynoah. keepposting. don't be put off by trollhunters. it is sport for some people on here.

there women here who may be able to help you.

i am so sorry about what happened to you.

iPaddle · 12/12/2010 23:07

So sorry you are going throught this babynoah.

I just want to say that starlightmckenzie shouln't be calling troll on your thread but we had a very prolific troll some time back who's story was similar to yours - so that may be the cause of the suspicion, not you personally iyswim? I did a quick search when I read your op (bacuase it brought to mind the troll) and i think you should tighten up your fb privacy because if people are suspicious they'll go looking (as I did Blush ). Sorry.

All the best x

MollieO · 12/12/2010 23:08

babynoah ignore that poster.

thisisyesterday · 12/12/2010 23:08

you aren't wrong babynoah.

MN has a very clear "troll policy" which is that we should give people the benefit of the doubt.

if starlight has reason to believe that this isn't true then all she needs to do is report the thread.

please keep on talking on here. some of us are more than willing to listen

StarlightMcKenzie · 12/12/2010 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thisisyesterday · 12/12/2010 23:12

well MNHQ clearly are awake and active right now, so if they feel your concerns are valid i'm sure the thread will be pulled.

for now though I think babynoah deserves to be able to post on her own thread for a bit

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 12/12/2010 23:13

I hope you come back to the thread, babynoah.

I had a friend who also gave birth following rape; this was many years ago, the child would be in her 40's now. I don't know how she coped when her DD was young, but I do know that she raised the most fantastic, loving and caring girl despite it all.

StarlightMcKenzie · 12/12/2010 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
babynoah · 12/12/2010 23:14

That ok. thanks for the warning about FB. I will have a look at it. How did you find me on there BTW?

I wasn't sure about posting about this. i was sure that people wouldn't believe me.

I've always been a put a smile on it person. I try not to let people see whats going on in my head. nobody realised i had PND until my mum noticed scars on my wrist

OP posts:
MollieO · 12/12/2010 23:15

SM why can't you leave MNHQ to investigate and hide this thread in the meantime?

blushington · 12/12/2010 23:15

They've deleted your earlier posts, Starlight

thisisyesterday · 12/12/2010 23:16

babynoah you have your real name on another thread about facebook games....

StarlightMcKenzie · 12/12/2010 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 12/12/2010 23:17

How often do you see your CPN, babynoah? Do you like him/her, and feel they're helpful?

iPaddle · 12/12/2010 23:17

Babynoah - you mentioned your FB page on another thread.

Anyone who does a search on your name (on here) will see it.

methodsandmaterials · 12/12/2010 23:20

Moving swiftly on...
OP, the first year of motherhood is traumatic enough without what you've been through. You need help. There are loads of MNers who will gladly offer you support but I also think that you need some professional help to get you through this. I'm not fobbing you off at all, do stay on this thread - there are people here. I'm just concerned that we may not be adequately equipped to give you all you need to come to terms with what has happened to you.

EvaLongoria · 12/12/2010 23:23

babynoah please do post and just ignore the OP. and yes like iPaddle said you should restrict your profile. I also found you on there and surprisingly we have a friend in common.

SantasKnickersOnMyHead · 12/12/2010 23:23

Starlight, just hide the bloody thread, christ.

thisisyesterday · 12/12/2010 23:24

qagree with methods... a LOT of people feel like this anyway

i really expect that you DO love your little boy a lot, but totally understandably you have a great deal of hate for the circumstances and the man involved in his conception

do keep talking it thourgh with the CPN. do you also have a psychiatrist?

Original poster
babynoah · 12/12/2010 23:24

I see my CPN once a week, my HV once a fortnight, my outreach worker once a fortnight and my GP once a month. I onle talk things through with my CPN, we agreed at a meeting that it would be better that way. she is nice but she does try to really push CBT. it is helpful but i think i need something more specialised.

OP posts:
Original poster
babynoah · 12/12/2010 23:26

ly cpn is in charge of my care, so i only see the psychiatrist every few months

OP posts:
TurkeyMartini · 12/12/2010 23:27

Is your ds called Noah? Not all that great an idea either to use it here probably, if you are going to tighten up your privacy online.

Up to you though, of course.

Someone on another thread I vaguely recall linked to a centre in Oxford that works with people who are struggling to bond with or fully love their babies, whether for reasons like yours or other circs. Might be worth calling them if anyone can remember what I mean and find a link.