anyone here?

[Alambil]

?

better

i got rid of the cat's mess and old food stuff - packets, take aways, mouldy stuff (may as well be honest - I ain't the great person everyone thinks I am)

i took them to the dump today... but its still bad. better, but bad

Lewis, if this sounds harsh please forgive me. I don't know any of your background.

Firstly, can I say the fact you have asked for help shows you are ready to get on with your life.

I'm already thinking I'm wording this badly but what I want to say is stop blaming.

I am not ignoring the 'buried stuff' but the amount of reasons you are giving for 'what is wrong in your head' are distracting you.

I am not saying that the terrible things you have gone through have not contributed to where you are today.

What I am trying to say is - bollocks to why you feel this way. Think about how you want to feel and take steps to remedy that.

It sounds as if you have already taken those sort of steps wrt you and your Mum sorting your house.

I am so sorry if this is coming across as 'snap out of it' - that is not my intention.

My point is that others may be to blame for your past, but you are responsible for your future, and responsible for getting the help you need to make that happen.

Wishing you all the best.

when is the housing lady coming back?

oh Lewis

• fwiw - I was a lone parent when I took and OD (with the boys in the house!), SS was never informed (or if they were they never came knocking).

You know I told you I'd come and help you if you want me to.

I know things are difficult with your mum, and when you said she was going to help you my first thought was............how much help is she going to be with judging and commenting .

You think your house is bad and worthy of "how clean is your house"??

I bed you didn't have maggots crawling ALL OVER your kitchen floor a few weeks ago

thanks - i know what you mean... but I do feel like it needs dealing with (mental abuse throughout my teenager age, the abuse from my ex etc - big stuff, ya know... not just "oh my dad yelled a bit") - you're right, some of it is trivial and can be "moved on" from but some needs proper recovery, I think...

i mean, you can't just ignore the way the abuse makes me feel, can I? I don't know - I've tried for 8 years....

no tocc, they were on the floor, the work top, the carpet......

honestly, I swear - it was a how clean house. you know when they walk in and choke; I did that today.

she will comment, but means it in a "nice" way if that makes sense - i will just have to swallow it

she's coming back on monday custy; me and mum are spending all week there sorting it; mum is kim and aggie in one so it will be dramatically imrpoved

I have someone to watch ds while we sort it

and what are you planning to get done tomorrow?

Lewisfan, My sisters house used to look like that She's great too. Stuff builds up, and it happens eally easily. I've helped a few people in similar situations and can I point out that when we walk past houses in the street we assume they are immaculate inside - most of them are not. You wil get there. If your mum is coming to help and you are stressing about her comments, is it possible to head them off at the outset?

I don't honestly think any of that can be shoved aside and ignored. It just works like a pressure cooker when you shove the lid on - it just waits til it gets a bit warm and then all the steam comes out at once, and burns ya. My 'significant' baggage only went to a place I can live with once I'd done the dynamite style thing with it. Trying to ignore it doesn't really work, it just comes out to bite you on the bum when you least want it to.
As for the mother - earplugs? But good on you both for sorting it.

tomorrow i will start on the living room and mum will do the kitchen; she will give me orders and I will robotically complete them (i say that, cos that's how i feel)

the woman wants to see improvement in the kitchen; we're doing the kitchen AND living room (20ft all together, its not a huge house and I have done a lot yesterday (cleared everything off kitchen sides and most of the floor) and removed all the binbags so far)

right - just to warn you with those horrid little critters.

I bet you did a good job of getting rid of them

BUT - some will have crawled into spaces you can't see them. In approx 10 days time you will find your house full of flies.........don't panic - you won't have suddenly become filthy again - just kill the buggers fast and after a day or 2 they'll stop appearing.

maggots that have "got away" today will take 10 days to hatch.....

I still really REALLY want to come and do something with at least a little of your garden on the 31st..........my shag has a wedding that Saturday (as I thought he'd said he had) and I'm childfree...........and you're not that far from me.

I'm not saying ignore it, just don't dwell on it.

I spent too much time getting myself up in knots thinking 'well I do X because Y happened', or 'I would be A if B didn't happen'.

Bottom line, my life, my responsibility.

Yes, things happened to me that were beyond my control (still do!) but what I can control is how it affects my life now.

As I said, I'm not being intentionally harsh, I just wish I had been given this advice ten years ago.

lol @ ear plugs

I have told her to not, but she can't help herself... I've swallowed a lot of pride this past 48 hours and will just ignore her

when it''s done and clean, she's going to come round three time a week to make sure i keep it clean and tidy

put some loud music on and get her to write the instructions down for you to read

great stuff. you will feel a sense of accomplishment. right now, you feel a sense of foreboding and shame.

tomorrow will be better.

now get some sleep lady or you will just feel shitter

No advice on maggots, sorry.

(that's me gritting my teeth and trying not to puke)

good advice, bitter. (Bitter - hope you don't think I was contradicting you. we're coming from the same sort of place, sorry if I didn't word it well)

Actually lewisfan saying that you will ditch what your mum tells you to is a major to me! My DSis had difficulty throwing away old clothes labels and empty bottles.........to be able to ditch things as required is an achievement!

Hi Bitter

I will go to bed in a minute - i am not very tired, well, insomnia means i can't get to sleep easily... i will try though

pssst bitter..................you know that bag that I had behind the bin in my kitchen..........and the one near the cupboard under the stairs - the week I'd missed the bin collection and you came over

Don't fret though - it will be nice and clean on Thursday when you come over - having a blitz tomorrow as mylovelynormalregularshagguy is coming over tomorrow night once the boys are in bed

bleurgh at maggots. Got them in our understairs cupboard a while ago, ewwwww it was just EEEEEEeewwwwwww. Makes me shudder.

empty bottles? really? that's interesting

I have over 50 coke bottles in bin bags waiting for me tomororw...

pmsl @ tocc. Have a lovely shag evening

recycling, lewis Just think what good you're doing