My ex drops are kids back of to me during his days to play football, AIBU to think this is not fair?

[Holzz]

So I will try to keep it short, but me(22F) and my ex (27M) have 2 kids together ( 2 and 1 year old girls) we split about 2 months ago as the relationship was very toxic and he was emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically abusive. this weekend is the first time he’ll be having the kids due to him not having a stable place to live until now. Our agreement is that he will have the kids 2x a month then 3x a month (alternating) and he will pick them up Friday evening and drop them back Sunday evening. However he’s recently clued me in to the fact that after we split up he decided to take up football, his training day does not affect our schedule as its during the week but he has a match every Saturday so it interrupts his time with our children. He has said he will drop the kids back to me on Saturday lunchtime and pick them up again that evening around 5:30. Not only is this a lot of back and forth for the children, and he doesn’t drive so he will be relying on other people to do drop off and pick ups. But I also feel like where is my time to be able to do something for myself or pick up an extra shift at work and I’m the last 2 and a half years(since having kids)I haven’t been able to do any of that as the weekends was all about him as he works during the week. I don’t feel like this arrangement is fair but I had when he told me about this said it was fine, cuz I knew otherwise it would erupt into another argument. Am I being unreasonable and should jst let him enjoy his hobby, or tell him he needs to figure out childcare when it’s on his time with the kids if he wants to do something???help please!

Poor kids. What an absolute selfish arsehole. Imagine if you did this as the woman in the situation.

The other thing is OP, will he want to go off drinking after games etc - that's what usually happens. You will probably find you end up having the kids overnight anyway.

I would do as pp suggests but just say he can have them Sunday for the day.

I appreciate your concern but jst to clear up, if he refuses either quitting football or having them on the Saturday evening instead of the Friday then yes of course I will have no choice but to have my kids and happily as I don’t feel comfortable anyone on his side other then him looking after them. As shitty as he was to me and as much as he could do more for the kids in general,when he is present I know they are loved and looked after. The whole situation is jst a bit crap as it feels like it’s jst another one of his tactics to keep me in his control. I was never saying my girls don’t come first over “me time”🤷‍♀️I don’t even know what that’s like anymore so what am I really missing.

Would literally be called the worst mother on the planet if it was the other way round! I just don’t understand the mentality coming from a man who says how much he loves and misses his kids to then not prioritise seeing them. I can’t fathom it cuz I’d go to the ends of the world jst to get even a glimpse of my kids faces. I know for a fact me bringing all this up he’s gonna make me out to be the bad guy and threaten court and like I’m trying to take the kids away from hi. But I’m honestly done caring he’s doing this to himself.

Maybe he shouldn’t have them at all if he can’t work out a proper plan.

He needs to come back when he has grown up and responsible for caring for 2 children

I don’t disagree with you, unfortunately I don’t think courts would see it as a reason to block them out from the kids permanently. But I do wish he would jst agree to a schedule and stick to it. I don’t like inconsistency myself but especially with my children. This is all new to me cuz for the last 2 month he has been seeing them in my care I haven’t had to worry about weather he’s gonna show up and on time or not🤦‍♀️

He will get no results from court op, just document his contact hours, his proposed change to play football instead, and consider at short notice not being available one Saturday so he won’t have time to get his dad on board. ‘Sorry have been called into work, it’s your contact time and I need the money so I said yes, so won’t be here when you drop them round in 30 mins, you’d do the same if you had the kids 6 days a week and it was my contact time.’

Also you need to enforce consistency. Plan to go out 45 mins after pick up time, if he doesn’t come by then then there’s no contact. Record it all on text. ‘I’ve been waiting 45 mins assume you’re not coming, I had plans so am taking the girls out with me, you can see them next time if you turn up.’ Court will see that and laugh at him, so smile and say by all means take me to court if he says you’re keeping his kids from him.

Thankyou reading this really helped, I will start documenting as of today