What to prioritise - ttc, planning wedding or house

[Lili24188]

Hi, I’m a bit confused so looking for some opinions please. I found out a year and a half ago that I have low amh (low egg reserve) and despite trying to convince my partner to start having kids he always found a reason to stall. We’re now 30 and got engaged recently. He would prefer we married before having kids but he wants the sort of wedding that takes a year or two to plan to get the right venue, make sure everyone can come etc. on the one hand I get how being married first would be easier but I’m also stressed about the amh and my parents being 70 and getting older. They are very much wanting grandchildren. We bought a house that needs doing up but is liveable. I’d love to do an extension on the house and sort it out. Fortunately we are ok on the money side to fund what we want to do on the house.

I know these are 3 big things so what do you think? I work full time now but would move to part time after maternity leave. Thanks

If I had a low egg reserve, I’d be having the baby first.

The house can be renovated at any time.

You have a house - an extension can wait
its all very well wanting to plan a big fancy wedding which takes time but fertility waits for no one

Baby, house and wedding for me as you are on the clock because of your health.

If he wants to be married first (and this isn't just stalling technique) then go and elope and get married, you don't need a big wedding.

Get married registry office for 500.
Work on ttc save ££ for treatment if needed
Big wedding event anytime later

If you both very high earners with lots of ££ do it all

I’d get married at the registry office, ttc, plan a big wedding party for a few years time and do the extension later.

Do you want the big wedding? I’d start TTC now, especially if you may need a fertility referral, and go for a smaller wedding that’d you can have sooner.

The house I’d try to do in chunks. Work out what the priority parts are and how long each part would take and what would interfere most with your daily living. Try to get the most intrusive or longest parts out the way before a baby is born (but TTC in the meantime).

Get married (no need to have a big wedding) then TTC.

Cheap registry wedding, ttc, then can have big wedding “party” event whenever, then house

Get married in the next view months, there will be availability for winter weddings around Xmas time. You can start trying now. Then do the house next summer.

Have a small wedding, then baby , you don’t have time on your side , believe me, your fertility won’t wait but a fancy party /wedding and extending your house can

Registry office then baby.

Agree that with low ovarian reserve you should prioritise TTC. Everything else you can do anytime, but your fertility won’t wait forever.

I’d do a quick registry office wedding first though so that you have the protection of marriage pre- mat leave.

Personally, I would start TTC ASAP, book a small registry office wedding in the meantime.
Could start looking into extension then.

I wouldn't have a baby without getting married, especially if you plan to reduce your working hours. Financially you will be very dependent on your partner and if you split up, very vulnerable with no rights to very much at all.

Get married, small wedding, and start trying for a baby.

I wouldn't wait any longer to TTC in your situation. To many women put off having babies because a man is stalling, then he runs off and has babies with someone else once that fertile window is over. Even once the big wedding is done, the house is perfect etc he will still find something else.
If you really want to have children, you need to issue him with an ultimatum and stop letting him waste your fertile years.

Baby first as you may take a while to conceive. Plan the wedding at the same time.

@Lili24188 I don't think he's ready to have children and this is another way of stalling. If he's willing to wait even longer despite the potential difficulties in conceiving I think you need to make a decision about whether you wait at all.

You could have the big wedding and he could still want to delay.

Marriage (quick) and try to conceive asap.

Think which one of the three you’d regret most if it doesn’t happen, and use this thought to prioritise.

He's future faking. He's already put off ttc and niyw he's put another barrier in place about needing to have a big wedding. I wonder what excuse he'd use after that. He knows that you have a low egg reserve and is still stalling.

Have a £200 wedding at the local register office and start trying to conceive. In that order.

Another vote here for a quick wedding then ttc

I would try for a baby and organise a registry office marriage at the same. With the aim to be married before the baby was born. I wouldn't wait if I had been told I had a low egg count. A lot of this stuff can over lap. We did up our house and planned a wedding at the same time. I know people that had extensions when there children were very small.

registry office asap
massive party
try for baby during this time!!

then house

fertility does not wait. crack on

You have a house - you can extend later. I'd get married first, but personally I hate long engagements. I'd aim to get married in 2025 and TTC asap after that.

I entirely agree.