Who takes your dc <particularly dds> to their activities?

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

It has occured to me that this is the one part of parenting where inequality seems to be accepted.

I take dd to her dance classes. If I am working that night DH will collect her. But it is a chore. He rarely sits through any of her classes and when he has to go to rehearsals for plays he makes a big song and dance about having to give up his time, when I was the one who started her dancing. He does go to them though, when I am working.

I have arranged for horse riding on a Sunday because he is off work every Sunday so if I am working there will still be someone to take her.

He was not happy about having to 'give up his sunday afternoon'

Yep, me too and I think you're right - it's the norm and it shouldn't be. It's back to the same old thing - we want a family, a career, a social life etc etc and we spread ourselves thinly across them all.

Unfortunately many men still think that as long as they're bringing money into the house anything else they do is a bonus and should be remarked upon to all and sundry.

Feel a bit guilty though - whilst I do take all this extra stuff on, DH doesn't complain if I ask him to do it on the rare occasion it's difficult for me.

Other way round here. Dh takes dd to gym mondays evenings and drama saturday morning and all of ds1's football stuff.

This is mainly because he drives and I've only just started though.

Well we do a bit each. I try to never have to take DS to football games though - standing for hours in the rain, no chance!

When DD did dancing, it was quite a social occasion for the parents (usually mums!) to have a chat. Same at gym and swimming.

Actually, boys activities are much worse - standing out in the cold....

It is mainly me - although to be fair DH doesn't get in from work until about 6.45 and most after school activities are done and dusted by that time when you've a 4yo and a 7yo! He does drop DD at her dance class on Saturday mornings, and has been known to take them to the occassional party - but not if he has to stay.

DH does all of both my DD's classes

It is a chore but he gets to read a book or something, so not so bad?

DH said the other day "Can you organise for one of the other mums to take DD1 to her theatre class when you're away, because if I take her I'll have to take DD2 with me". I was very !!

So it's just my Dh who thinks he should be excused from these things because he has a penis. Oh and mil and my Gran who agree that it is unfair of me to 'make' him attend sometimes

Did you discuss the activities and when they were with DH, or did you present him with a fait accompli? I do think men sometimes feel a bit"semi-detached" from their children's activities. Particularly if they are very girly ones - my dp is happy to do the football thing with ds, and Scouts with dd - but he would rather eat wasps than mingle with the ballet mums unless he really really has to!

dp does gym after school as it's too far to work and i don't drive. and he does dancing class on sat morning (also takes non-dancing dd2) so i get time to myself

Oh x posts with Bramshott, yes DH also finds things very difficult to do if he has dd2 with him. It is virtually impossible to go to the shop if he has both of them

(i'd rather eat wasps too, but thankfully dd does normal dance not ballet )

No they weren't discussed with him. Well dancing might have been. But that was when it was only one hour a week which quickly escalated to four hours a week.

Maybe if we had boys it would be different?

equal split here- dh has found taking ds1 to parties the best way to meet other school parents as he can't do the school run.

I take the boys to weekday activities because DP gets home late from work but he'll happily take DS2 to gymnastics on Saturday mornings. Tbh most of the parents at Saturday gymnastics seem to be dads.

Well, I am a SAHM, so I sort of assume that most of the activity stuff is part of my watch. But I don't do football unless I have to (when dp can't get back from work in time for the after school sessions - he ALWAYS does the Saturday ones.) He doesn't know anything at all about horses, so he doesn't enjoy watching dd ride - and she doesn't enjoy not being able to go on about it to a parent afterwards. And as I say, I think he must be allergic to ballet! But he will go and pick her up if he has to - but can't bear to watch rehearsals or discuss costumes or pointe shoes or.......Horses for Courses, I reckon!

Often I drop DD2 off at ballet and DH collects. But we don't stay (though DH was invited in to watch her contemporary dance class recently and found it really interesting). But I am more involved in dance-related issues, such as shoes and exams etc, it's really not his scene.

But DH always takes DD1 to her athletics meetings, he organises his work schedule so as to be free for them.

We share taking DD1 to dancing on a Saturday morning.

I always take DD2 with me, DH sometimes takes DD2 with him.

Its a mix of Mums and Dads who are there and once DH realised this he was less reluctant to go.

I take dd to ballet because dh is teaching on ballet nights and on the odd occasion he isn;t he has to get her changed in a draughty corridor as there are no boys/men allowed in the changing room.

Dh takes ds to Gymbobs as I work on that day and he is home.

Dd comes to Stagecoach with us as we both work there.

I have noticed at Stagecoach that on Saturdays it is equal numbers of mums and Dads who drop off but on Fridays it is mainly mums.

Activities? Are DC supposed to do activites .

Husband used to take DD did to dance on a Saturday morning -- I felt that since I organised 3-4 children up and out the door 5 mornings/week, he could do that one morning.

It was generally a disaster, he always left everything as late as possible, he would ask her once to do something about getting ready, then he would yell or simply refuse to take her if she hadn't got ready by the next time he checked. I felt it was way too much to expect DD to 100% organise herself at age 5-6, but he had no patience or ability to plan ahead at all. Once she got distracted reading, so Husband said she couldn't go, she was desperate to go, but he had refused, so I changed her out of her dance clothes, THEN he changed his mind, said she could go after all, but by then she was too upset to go. This kind of thing went on for 8 months.

Funny enough, she doesn't go to dance any more.

lljkk similar things happen here when I ask DH to get dds dance things ready. It starts with him screaming "dd1 where is your leotard?" has her screaming and crying and shouting "I don't know" and gets very repetative untill I stop what I am doing and find the leotard on the bathroom floor where they both just left it, when I was at work.

So since I take her dancing during the week and do all the school runs, it's only fair that he do the horse riding, right? Since that seems to be the norm.

We share, half and half, we also share with other parents. DP has never minded taking them to these activities.

But both of us would complain if the other had booked an activity at a weekend and then expected the other to take the dc. I wouldn't give up my weekend afternoons for that. The one who takes them gets to decide when or whether it happens.

I'd just say, no riding if neither parent wants to take them. Do something you can both/all enjoy together instead.

I take DS to almost everything. More because I am around than anything else - it is all after school rather than at weekends, so far. When DH is working at home he does do some ferrying (school/nursery runs). Not parties, though [sigh].

Apparently at my DNeice's dance class it is almost all fathers - my DM found it v. amusing (and reported with amazement that my DB was not the most inept one)

Fennel I sometimes work on a sunday when I am not working DH is at the pub. There would be no chance of any family time.

And it's only half an hour, probs 1 hour inc getting ready and getting there/back after which he can leave dd1 at my nans take dd2 to mils and go back to his sunday afternoon home aka the pub.

It would do dd2 good to get out in the fresh air instead of being cooped up at mils in her playpen. Plus she loves animals and would enjoy watching the horses.

I don't think half an hour is much to ask of him.

Me

DH wouldn't dream of getting involved with the dds' activities.

[no-brainer emoticon]