I'm sad about my teen's football experience

[Stupidcompetitivefootball]

My 13 yr old has been with a football club for years. He's not the greatest player. He's not awful but he's not the best. And obviously they only want the best players in their team.

In the past 18 months since they moved from 7 a side to 11 a side he's not had a single minute of game time. The coach told us a while back that he wouldn't get to play but he could still train if he wanted to. He explained that 11s is so much more competitive and "that's just how it is". Covid has been a blessing in this area at least because there has been outdoor training for a while but no matches.

We live in a fairly busy area so you'd think there would be other teams he could join, but no. There is absolutely no fun, less competitive football for kids his age in our area. There are some teams who talk the talk about being inclusive but you have to have a trial and he's tried and failed twice so we decided to stop.

I feel really sad for him. He just wants to play football but he's being told he's not good enough.

I do get it, it takes a lot of time and effort from volunteers to make all this happen for kids and I'm grateful for the experiences he's had so far. I wish I could set up a team for him myself but I am clueless about football. We have 5 a side pitches near us but it's impossible to get a regular slot after school, I had thought I could maybe book a slot on a Monday evening or something and gather up a group of kids in a similar situation and just let them play, I could supervise, but it's all full with longstanding bookings. The staff have put me on a waiting list. It's also quite pricey even for an hour's booking.

We've just messaged the coach to say he will be finishing up. He doesn't want to train any more when he knows no matter how hard he tries he won't get a match and that's fair enough. I feel quite sad. He replied and said what a good team player ds is, how hard he's tried, how well behaved he is. He's just not going to get a match. Poor boy, he's so loyal too, he's loved being part of the club, never missed a session even in the worst of weather. He loves getting all ready in his kit for training.

No wonder kids drop out of sport when they hit their teens, it gets so hard.

Bit of a pointless moan really, we've managed to get him involved in a different, slightly less competitive sport so at least he's still active but it's not the same.

@CloudSeven

This is v sad but I too have seen it when clubs switch from 9 a side to 11 a side

One of the issues is that if they lose a lot, the teams tend to fold therefore the teams want to get better players to win and carry on going

When ds's team switched to 11 a side, their club suddenly decided the team had to be competitive. Beforehand they operated a 'everyone must have a go' rule. Then it changed and they brought on some new players and some of the older, less good, ones didn't get a look in.

So us parents got together and went to one of the other local clubs and asked if we could register a team in the lower division of the league. They said fine as long as we could get enough players and one of us would manage the team. We took turns and ran the team on an 'everyone has a go' basis in the lower leagues. Took half a season for us to even draw a game but then they went from strength to strength.

My son is now 19 and plays 5 a side at uni and 11 a side when he gets a chance.

If there are a lot of you, it's worth seeing if one of the clubs will create an extra team but unfortunately it is a lot of work and if you're not in a big city, there may not be enough children. I feel v sorry for your son and hope he can at least play football at school!

In football everything up to Yr6 is supposed to be development football although plenty ignore this; either as coaches aren't great and just don't understand it or because they are idiots that just want to win. At Yr7 and U12 the leagues become competitions with published league tables etc - hence why you often get the change in focus.. but not always

@SwanShaped

That is so sad! Your poor son. I’d be so upset by that. It’s put me off looking into football for my 5 year old. Might try a diff sport.

Just ask all the local clubs what their coaching and club philosophy is. They should have one and rules around playing time and selection / non selective etc Millions play the right way even if loads don't

I’ll have a look at clubs and see. I had no idea about this aspect of it. I’d just kind of assumed it was all for fun unless you were one of the absolutely exceptional players. So good to have a heads up about it.

This is so sad and so true - the older your kids get, the less inclusive the teams become. My DS has stopped wanting to do weekend cricket for this reason. The local football team is ridiculously competitive and cliquey. Ditto for hockey. Only a select few kids with parents involved in the coaching get to play each and every game up front while the others get shifted around on and off. All the fun disappears and kids stop wanting to get involved, be active etc.

We go to a fun, friendly climbing club now

That sucks! Are there no groups where they simply play for fun, to keep kit and for the social aspect? Seems really sad that these clubs are potentially excluding so many kids that want to play.

Just come across this and I could have written something very similar a few years ago, although my ds was younger.

He took up athletics and has competed for England. How I'd like to go back and rub that in the noses of the overly competitive parents and coaches!

Could your ds become a referee when he is 14?