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Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

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Original poster

I'm sad about my teen's football experience

106 replies

Stupidcompetitivefootball · 20/04/2021 18:51

My 13 yr old has been with a football club for years. He's not the greatest player. He's not awful but he's not the best. And obviously they only want the best players in their team.

In the past 18 months since they moved from 7 a side to 11 a side he's not had a single minute of game time. The coach told us a while back that he wouldn't get to play but he could still train if he wanted to. He explained that 11s is so much more competitive and "that's just how it is". Covid has been a blessing in this area at least because there has been outdoor training for a while but no matches.

We live in a fairly busy area so you'd think there would be other teams he could join, but no. There is absolutely no fun, less competitive football for kids his age in our area. There are some teams who talk the talk about being inclusive but you have to have a trial and he's tried and failed twice so we decided to stop.

I feel really sad for him. He just wants to play football but he's being told he's not good enough.

I do get it, it takes a lot of time and effort from volunteers to make all this happen for kids and I'm grateful for the experiences he's had so far. I wish I could set up a team for him myself but I am clueless about football. We have 5 a side pitches near us but it's impossible to get a regular slot after school, I had thought I could maybe book a slot on a Monday evening or something and gather up a group of kids in a similar situation and just let them play, I could supervise, but it's all full with longstanding bookings. The staff have put me on a waiting list. It's also quite pricey even for an hour's booking.

We've just messaged the coach to say he will be finishing up. He doesn't want to train any more when he knows no matter how hard he tries he won't get a match and that's fair enough. I feel quite sad. He replied and said what a good team player ds is, how hard he's tried, how well behaved he is. He's just not going to get a match. Poor boy, he's so loyal too, he's loved being part of the club, never missed a session even in the worst of weather. He loves getting all ready in his kit for training.

No wonder kids drop out of sport when they hit their teens, it gets so hard.

Bit of a pointless moan really, we've managed to get him involved in a different, slightly less competitive sport so at least he's still active but it's not the same.

OP posts:

SignMyStookie · 22/04/2021 17:35

@Stupidcompetitivefootball It's really sad your DS has had this experience but how lucky he is to have such a lovely, supportive mum

Quincie · 22/04/2021 17:44

Is he getting other exercise than the football. There is still hope I think if he is really fit and fast.
The thing is at that age pupil's size changes hugely.
My DS had a top rugby player in his team at 12 - unfortunately for the top player he had had his growth spurt and didn't grow more and make the older team. Whilst the other weedy ones grew bigger and stronger.

wishywashywoowoo70 · 22/04/2021 17:44

If the team he's been in play in a local league then he should just join another team in that league. They must be local to you

wishywashywoowoo70 · 22/04/2021 17:52

Ignore that. I've just seen your post about the leagues
My DS is heavily involved in local football and unfortunately it's the name of the game. The teams want to win so the weaker players only get a look it when they play friendlies.
Definitely explore a different sport.

Good luck to him he's sounds like a great boy

Standrewsschool · 22/04/2021 18:05

My son stopped from football to basketball at a similar age, for similar reasons. He absolutely loves it, ending up playing for the county team, and now coaches juniors, as well as plays.

JaninaDuszejko · 22/04/2021 18:41

DD1 is good at football and at 13 is still enjoying team sport but we've had the same issue with swimming, the club is very focussed on competitive swimming. We've held on during the pandemic because training was the only way to get in the pool for her (she didn't want to do lane swimming with adults). I think it's a problem with all sports clubs that the teenage years are very much focussed on finding the elite athletes and it turns too many people off sport with the impact on health we are all too aware of.

needadvice54321 · 22/04/2021 19:08

@MiddlesexGirl

My DS is a back, he's tall and strong, so always in the thick of the rucks and scrums shock. You're unlikely to find him running down the sideline as he's not as speedy as one of the fronts. That doesn't mean he isn't as good though, he just plays a very different role!

The backs are the speedy ones. The forwards provide the bulk and are the ruckers (mostly) and scrummagers. You may mean he's in the back row .... sort of an in-betweener?!

I just dropped DS at rugby training and told him about my mix up, he then took great delight in describing every position

Honestly, I've been a rugby mum for 4 years, you'd think I'd know the terminology by now!

MadamBuxton · 22/04/2021 19:20

I could have written your post a few years ago. My DS did football for years because that’s what his friends did, he wasn’t great and therefore didn’t get games because football is SO IMPORTANT! He eventually left and tried basketball. Again, he wasn’t a natural but it is so much more inclusive and he enjoyed it so he’s kept it up and he’s now a really decent player and intends to carry on when he goes to Uni in the Autumn. I’m thrilled he found his sport. Plus it’s indoor so spectating is far more pleasant!

Standrewsschool · 22/04/2021 19:41

@MadamBuxton

I agree with indoor spectating. There’s quite often a cafe and always toilets! Plus seats to sit on. Fat more civilised then roughing outdoor football matches!

dootball · 22/04/2021 19:47

Youth football has changed so much it's a terrible shame.

Gone are the friendly teams run by a parents, and it's all super competitive or a money making scheme run by a for profit organisation - or that's how it seems around here - apart from 1 or 2 old school village teams still breaking the mold.

However Cricket is completely different - unless you are at a really big club. They are specifically after people who are keen and are going to keep playing into adulthood rather than just the best ones. Also they can start playing adult cricket, depending on ability at 14 / 15 / 16 , and there are no end of terrible adult teams to play in.

Worth giving a try I would say

cheeseisthebest · 22/04/2021 20:05

My son has also just started cricket in our village. He's never done it, they don't seen to want a child who hasn't ever done it before, want him to do all stars (he's too old and this team specifically advertised for his age rage). For a beginner he's doing well but they are so cliquey and all about winning and being the best.

cheeseisthebest · 22/04/2021 20:05

Range not rage

Newnewnew1179 · 22/04/2021 20:06

OP - completely understand why you and your son are giving football a miss and you’re right, sport should be a positive thing in your life not something that makes you feel you are not good enough.
It’s depressing that we are at this point with our teens given that we really should be encouraging lifelong physical activity. My 14 year old has just given up dance (has been doing it since 3) and dance comes with its own set of issues (not hugely dissimilar to football) once you get to a certain point. We seem to suck the joy out of it all once they get to a certain age. I’m reminded of Sting at the Brits years and years ago saying music for musics sake. We need more of that in sport I think.

MiddlesexGirl · 23/04/2021 14:03

@needadvice54321 Hah! Way too many years on the touchline here. Always bothered me why the back row were in the forwards and not the backs though!

Quincie · 24/04/2021 06:41

It's why we don't produce many star players.
DCs in poorer countries kick a ball about all day. Thereby hugely improving ball skills, we put DCs in competition but miss the hours of practice.

Oblomov21 · 24/04/2021 07:05

This is the norm. Happened to Ds1 2 years ago. He took up boxing.
It is Uber competitive and I can't see that ever changing. I don't know how to get round that.

It is sad actually. I know not what the answer is.

Hellocatshome · 24/04/2021 08:44

This is the norm

Its very sad and unfortunately quite common but not the normal especially not in my experience. Like I said up thread in our area we have about 9 divisions per age group which leaves plenty of room in the lower divisions for teams that are for development over winning at all costs. Unfortunately it sounds like in OPs area there is only a few divisions which means less teams which means the teams there are need to be competitive otherwise they are going to be on the end of a thrashing every week and nobody wants that.

Hockeyboysmum · 24/04/2021 09:46

My 11 year old ds plays football and ice hockey. Hes ok at both but not great. Very coachable and great team player etc but not the fastest. Football have just streamed into a and b. He is in b team which is fine. But we move from 9 asude to 11 aside in august so need more players. If we dont get enough for 2 teams i think theyll take the best from b team for the a team and get rid of the rest. Ice hockey is murder too but not as many kids play so if you are half decent yiu will get a game. Need to start by age 8 at latest tho as u12 is competitive so not safe for people who cant skate well. Its horrible to tell a 10 yr old etc sorry its too late

CloudSeven · 24/04/2021 11:20

This is v sad but I too have seen it when clubs switch from 9 a side to 11 a side

One of the issues is that if they lose a lot, the teams tend to fold therefore the teams want to get better players to win and carry on going

When ds's team switched to 11 a side, their club suddenly decided the team had to be competitive. Beforehand they operated a 'everyone must have a go' rule. Then it changed and they brought on some new players and some of the older, less good, ones didn't get a look in.

So us parents got together and went to one of the other local clubs and asked if we could register a team in the lower division of the league. They said fine as long as we could get enough players and one of us would manage the team. We took turns and ran the team on an 'everyone has a go' basis in the lower leagues. Took half a season for us to even draw a game but then they went from strength to strength.

My son is now 19 and plays 5 a side at uni and 11 a side when he gets a chance.

If there are a lot of you, it's worth seeing if one of the clubs will create an extra team but unfortunately it is a lot of work and if you're not in a big city, there may not be enough children. I feel v sorry for your son and hope he can at least play football at school!

StillRailing · 24/04/2021 15:27

Tbh school is the last place my kids could play on a regular football team. An occasional term it is on the curriculum swapped about with the other sports, fair enough. The primary school team will not let in the less good kids! At least the local clubs took them long after the school avenue had closed.🤷

StillRailing · 24/04/2021 15:28

Local park runs seem very inclusive. (When they start up again.)

SwanShaped · 24/04/2021 15:47

That is so sad! Your poor son. I’d be so upset by that. It’s put me off looking into football for my 5 year old. Might try a diff sport.

mogloveseggs · 24/04/2021 16:09

That is so awful.
My ds is younger but his team is so supportive. He moved from one that wasn't and We see loads that are so hard on the kids.

Is there Cricket/rugby near you he could try?

Hellocatshome · 24/04/2021 16:24

That is so sad! Your poor son. I’d be so upset by that. It’s put me off looking into football for my 5 year old. Might try a diff sport. if your son likes football I would let him play, talk to people with older kids about what teams are 'good teams and which to avoid. There are hundreds of thousands of kids playing football every Saturday morning, yes there are some cases where some kids are not getting a game but its not inevitable it will be that way for your son. Just go in eyes open and be prepared to move him if the club isn't the right fit for him. My son plays cricket and football and has always played on lovely football teams, his cricket team is also lovely but there are some that are very cliquey.

DelurkingAJ · 24/04/2021 16:24

Careful with cricket. Our experience was that at our local club you didn’t get a game unless your Dad played for them too and as DH works at the weekend that was tricky. We’ve actually moved DS1 to a much bigger club to avoid that. But yes, some village clubs are very inclusive...just may take time to find the right one.

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