Will you ban your children from certain sports

[CURIOUSMIND]

when they are playing instruments seriously?
I can see the reason is obvious.But when they are still young, deserve to do something else as well, will you ban them?
What do you do to avoid the risk?How about school PE?

(I remember more people had glandular fever - I don't have access to glandular fever statistics v. broken arms in the general population).

Point taken merrymouse - no more dotting.

So much easier to address typos than actual arguments.......

I was a child who was told repeatedly that I should not be riding ponies, it would be no good for my violin-playing. One day, when I was about 12, I went for my violin lesson to be told by my teacher that I had to choose between horse-riding and violin lessons. She would not teach me any more if I would not commit to stopping riding. She was very blunt about it. I handed her back the violin there and then, and have never picked one up since. My teacher was gobsmacked, she could not conceive of a child who could possibly prefer ponies to violins and had issued an ultimatum with the firm belief that I would choose the violin. She made several attempts to persuade me back to violin lessons by saying we could come to an agreement, but my faith in her had been utterly shaken and I did not believe she meant it, and that she would be back to telling me to stop riding again before long.

I do regret now not seeking another teacher, but I was 12, and a fairly 'young' 12 at that. I had played in the local junior youth orchestra, and the pressure was placed on me because at 13 I would have been eligible to apply to join the City Youth Orchestra. I enjoyed playing in an orchestra. My husband is an entirely self-taught musician, has never had a lesson in his life. He plays in a moderately successful band with his mates, and I'm a bit sad as an adult that I don't have that ability any more, because when I was a child an adult made me take a certain path.

If I were the OP, I would not be making my child do or not do anything. I would be enabling them to make the choices they want to make. If they love their music and really hate team sports, help them give up the team sport. But to make a child give up one thing in order to safeguard something an adult places a lot of value on may not win the child over in the long run.

I would love to go back to that teacher and tell her what a mistake she was making, forcing me to choose. I still ride and have horses now, having competed at a high level before I had children. I'd love to be able to pick up a violin on an evening, and join in the music sessions my husband's band have in our garden, but the combination of a stubborn child and a stubborn teacher means I have lost out, and would have lost out whichever way I had chosen.

And actually, it wasn't a bloody typo- I was right!

Well I am lying actually it's 12 GCSEs and 2 Btechs; I have pleaded for it to be dropped to 8 GCSEs & the 2 Btechs but no

She has offered to spend the timetabled 'spare' time in the special needs unit doing coursework as she knows she can't be 'unsupervised' but no

She would have: maths, 2 Eng, 2 Science, Music, Geog, Spanish & Btech Science & Dance if she did it my way

I can't see the advantage to adding RE, another science, plus 2 more options

I could understand it if I were asking for her to do 3 or 4; but I still want her to do 8

Speaking from another perspective my dd who is now 9 competes nationally in taekwon-do a contact martial art. She still does pe at school even though an injury in pe would put her out of training and competing. Only once have we not allowed her to take part in pe and that was actually her teacher who banned it and not us. That was the day before the uk championships and they had school sports week leading up to it.

On the Friday they had a judo tastter lesson and her teacher felt it was to risky to dd the day before teh comeptetion. DD was most upset. infact her coach encourages kids to do other things aswell.

Obviouly if you have a huge commitment to music, e.g my friend's DC was travelling 60 miles to London once a week, for a lesson, and playing in youth orchestras etc so there was no time to do anything else at a serious level but he managed normal PE lessons, kicking a ball around with friends etc. If you do anything at a serious level, thinking of DCs who kayak, are in the National Youth theatre, play hockey for the county etc it takes an enormous amount of time - they have to want to do it. I can't see why a parent needs to ban anything - the DC should work out what they want to do and which comes first. Some schools are very supportive but I can't see one excusing a child from physical activities as a regular thing.

It sounds as if they need her for the purposes of the league tables KatyMac.

Surely they can't force someone to do the classes and sit the exams? Do you as a parent have no rights whatsoever? What about the LEA - can you go over the school's head?

If they are doing it for league table purposes they are making a big mistake- it's As to Cs they need, not loads of Ds!

I wouldn't be surprised - one of our local schools has their high achieving group doing 17 GSCE equivalents each (of which 10 are actual GCSEs).

Nobody was suggesting excluding PE or restricting school activity in anyway -we were originally talking about contact sports which are optional.

What I was trying to say to OP that rough team games do not go well with serious music.

If you are going to tell me that your very good friend/DH, whatever, likes nothing better then a good rugby match before performing Rachmaninov concerto on stage - I simply can not take it seriously.

In my case and OP's case , the DC do not really enjoy it anyway.
So, no child manipulation to satisfy parental ambitions in this case as has been suggested several times on this thread.

exoticfruit - We travel much further then your friends DC for lessons, sometimes twice a week - thats just for the first instrument's sake.Add another instrument, orchestras, choir and theory lessons plus extended academic curriculum at school, performances and competitions - there is no time or need for rugby. This is what I have in mind when we say DC doing music seriously.

And yes, DS's school fully supports him even though team sports and rugby is a big deal for them being a boys prep school. They just have a luxury to be able to treat children as individual and respect their specific needs. (Sounds like school's prospectus now :))

What is this big deal about rugby and football anyway? Would there be so much reaction is someone asked if they should stop music lessons? probably not.. :)

As I said- an adult professional earning their living by their music is very different to a prep school child. 6 weeks without playing could cause a professional to lose their house. 6 weeks within playing would upset a musical 11 year old but wouldn't cause any lasting damage. Being treated as a delicate flower too fragile to take part fully in the life of the school, however, could.

Give up ..

Why?

'What is this big deal about rugby and football anyway?'

I do feel that there is manipulation of opinion involved here. You make it clear that you personally do not care for these games and I think you would not even if music wasn't involved.

'We travel much further then your friends DC for lessons, sometimes twice a week - thats just for the first instrument's sake.Add another instrument, orchestras, choir and theory lessons plus extended academic curriculum at school, performances and competitions - there is no time or need for rugby. This is what I have in mind when we say DC doing music seriously.'

'We' is the key there. You have invested a lot of your own time and identity here. You described yourself as a musical mum earlier. I see an element of setting you and your child apart, even expressed in the hankering after a Musical Mums section on MN.

And I think someone said somewhere on this thread something like "musical children don't like rough team games"

That certainly isn't my experience!

Seeker "it's As to Cs they need, not loads of Ds!" - tell me about it; it completely defeats me

KatyM, There's a document here that shows a tiny, tiny percentage of children take 12+ GCSEs (that's not counting equivalents) - less than 1%. I think your dd's school is doing the children no favours at all, and as for taking separate science GCSEs and Science BTEC - there's just no point other than to load up the children with unnecessary extra work (and not just your dd with all the dance, but it's not a good idea for the others with more usual EC activity levels either). I'd take it up with the governors if I were you.

The 2 Btech are gone - either she passed or she didn't (Dance & Science)

I have bargained it down to Maths, 2xEng, Spanish, Geog, Music, 2 Science plus 2 options (I leaning towards DD choosing 2 Btech for those - maybe Business & Drama) - so we dumped a science & RE

But it's still ridiculous for an 'average' student with "other interests"

I think it's the wording - ban. It implies child wants to do it and they are not being allowed to. I do not think a child should be stopped from doing any sport if they want to do it or a non-sporty child use music as an excuse to get out of pe.

Musicians are quite good at playing rough like anyone else - I have said before, a leg was broken in a football match RCM vs academy - they are not all delicate flowers.

I thought this was a general thread

I'm really really unkeen for any dcs to play rugby
But they are at very early stages in learning to play instruments

I suppose if DD2 gets really, really, really good at the trumpet or sax - much better than I was (and I was pretty good), national or international standard, maybe I'd think twice about her taking up boxing...

The problem is you could have an accident doing anything. Dh ( trumpet player) got head butted in the mouth by dc numerous times when they were little.... He just had to play with bruised & arnica creamed up lips.

We are talking about children. They should have fun.

I agree with you Schilke.The wording 'ban' may confuse many people.
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It's not like he wants to do it that much and I am thinking about don't let him.There is absolutely no any argument about his choice or my choice.I followed my children's choice all the time.
The tiny problem for me is just not playing at all or still play a bit.I witnessed the bad accident when we just 'played a bit', which is the direct reason for me to ask the question. Certainly the problem is too small to bang about.

If wording is the reason confused people than I apologize.My literacy is never good.

But, I have to time or interest to take anything deliberaly twist OP to start an fight against musical children then parents.You wasted your time. I don't play at all.

Kind suggestions, honest opinions received with many thanks as always.