Will you ban your children from certain sports

[CURIOUSMIND]

when they are playing instruments seriously?
I can see the reason is obvious.But when they are still young, deserve to do something else as well, will you ban them?
What do you do to avoid the risk?How about school PE?

I disagree with your assessment of 'musical' children's tastes, Pianomama. You really can't generalise like that.

It is very easy for parents to get carried away when there is an obvious talent, and that goes for any obvious talent that requires early and often intense practice, even some sports -- not just music.

Examples I can think of include swimming and gymnastics.

I can't see how you can withdraw a perfectly healthy child from school PE - I have never heard of it before and I know people who play professionally .

It begs the question as to why some children are too special to suffer broken bones, and others aren't?

You can't withdraw a child from PE, even if they're not keen on team sports (and children who are musical don't like team sports? Funnily enough, both of my friends who are professional musicians enjoy playing rounders a lot more than I do!)

I was a very musical child. I played the piano and was pretty good for my age. Wasn't terribly sporty but broke my wrist aged 10 by slipping off a log in our school playground. Two points to this story- 1: banning a child from sport will not necessarily prevent a child from injury, and 2: I could still play the piano. I was in plaster for 7 weeks IIRC but definitely was able to play perfectly well after a few days.

IMO, banning a child from a sporting activity they may enjoy "just in case" is OTT and actually a bit hysterical.

DD was withdrawn from PE by the school as they were worried about over training; too much exercise is as bad as not enough & they felt 18 hours a week was plenty

OK, I wasnt talking about withdrawing a child from PE. In our school games and PE are 2 different subjects.
It is about rough team games which involve a lot of phisycal contact and metal studs.

Also, when I say "quite often", it is not generalisation. There are lots of bright all-round social children who naturally enjoy team games and playing instruments - often in an orchestra. However, there is a certain type which is well described by Yehudy Menuhin :

Musically gifted children have an unusual passion for music and the desire to express themselves through music. They will play their instruments for many hours a day and often do not have to be encouraged to do so, as their desire and motivation are so strong. They are often content with their own company and are prepared to sacrifice social activity or what might be considered more ?normal? pursuits in order to spend time making music. This focus can often mark them out as different from the majority of other children. This difference can lead to social isolation and even to becoming the victims of teasing and bullying

I have met quite a few children like that. They are the ones who tend to not only have tough time with their peers but totally ignorant teachers as well. A child can be a serious misician at the age of 8 and this needs to be recognised and respected.

Phew.

What does he want to do? I really hate all the posts that talk of sports being "banned". You might ban smoking but, surely, not PE or touch rugby which is non contact at that age. He is 8 ffs and might turn out, as many do, to be good, but not great. A lifelong love of sport might be lost in the meantime. How do you know he is gifted? He could just be good. I taught ( not Music) one very gifted violinist who was travelling overseas for lessons and got into RA. However, she simply made a decent orchestral player and might have been gutted had she not kept up other interests (and she was 17).

Yes, pianomama (guess the clue is in the name) you do get seriously musical children. I don't have one, but I do have a very clever one who is writing advanced computer code. Breaking his wrist would stop him doing what he loves. However, he is being encouraged to do a huge range of other things precisely to ensure he has a range of choices, and not just one. And any pursuit that leads to "having a tough time with their peers" needs careful monitoring because there are very few jobs (including being an orchestral musician) that don't require some social skills: team work that can come from music AND from other areas including sport. Where I live there are many, very musical children but they all lead normal lives.

I think that it just boils down to -'does he want to play contact sports or not?'. I have skied lots of times without injury, but broke my arm tripping over my doorstep. You can't wrap in cotton wool.

If suspect the child on the OP's mind was the exceptional child who preferred his or her music to other activities, then I assume the issue of keeping him or her from sports would not have come up, Pianomama. The child would have naturally chosen music over the other activity.

This is assumption on my part. Maybe it's the child wants to avoid sports and is that exceptional child described by Yehudi Menuhin.

I think since there is the possibility of teasing and even bullying, sadly, when a child seems to be set apart from his or her peers, it behoves the parent to help the child fire on more than one cylinder and develop skills that the others respect more than the music, that would also have the benefit of bringing the child into contact with children more often -- at one point or another, loneliness can become a real problem for children who have never developed the sort of skills that make for a social life, and excellence at a musical instrument can seem a hollow compensation for the simple enjoyment of the give and take that most people take for granted.

.. And what happens if all that effort does not come to the sort of fruition the parent and child hoped for? There is no more cruel word than 'potential'.

That is a different question altogether. My own DS is very musical, he does hate team games and noisy environment. He gets on with other children at school and is not considered "weird" , but his personality is respected. Just because he doesnt play rugby , his world is not narrowed down to only music - he is interested and is doing well in all academic subjects. I dont know if he will become a concert pianist or not - all I can do is give him a chance to try, but I do know for sure that he will never be "one of the lads" - just like his dad.
Potential is one thing, working towards it comes from the child.

He works very hard and values his achievements. He loves swimming,cycling,tennis etc. Put him on a football field and he feels lost, totally out of place and not very happy.

mathanxiety - what you suggest is cruel in its own right - forcefully make him to be like the rest.. it might seems a "hollow" compensations for you - for him its his mind, his emotions his everything really. Why would I interfere? It's like forcing a left-handed chid to write with his right hand..

Maths wasn't trying to force anyone to be like anyone else - simply suggesting that a range of options might make friendships easier. And you do "interfere" if YOU (and not a the child) put music before everything else. That is really cruel long term because, as Maths says, and others have said, all that effort in music may come to nothing. Surely, the music can only trump everything if that is what he wants and, even then, at 8 zi would still be, as an adult, trumping to bring up a child with a more balanced and varied life. Yes, there are musical (and sporting) prodigies. But are they happy, well rounded people?

Just to make the original post more clear to everybody:

Certain sports, not all sports.

My Dcs don't love those team work sports that much at all. It's not like I love football and piano, but I have to dump one now.No.They are very active,healthy.

Don't worry CM, us music freaks know what you mean!

CURIOUSMIND - this just proves my point. I do know quite a lot of children like that. In fact it is surprising how familiar it sounds when you bring this subject with other "musical mums" - often musical kids seem to have so much in common.

Menuhin recognised it and described well. That was the idea behind his school, mainly because he was not only a great musician himself, but an inspirational teacher who knew very well about the challenges many musically gifted children face while growing up.

Most contact sports are not allowed in his school btw.

Still, plenty of other activities available if you have spare time.
We combine bike riding with walking the dog. Swimming and jogging is great for musicians as it builds up the stamina - much needed by the time they paying concertos .

Swimming has got to be the best exercise for wind players! Lol!

Agree that swimming is the best exercise for pianist as well.Jogging sounds a lovely idea. We will try this!

If you are judging a sport by the extent to which it can contribute to your child's musical efforts, then you are really making his life revolve around the music.

It's a child, not primarily a 'pianist'. Choosing a sport for him based on what might be best as an adjunct to the music seems like micromanagement of his life and putting the music at the centre. This gives the lie to the idea that the interest in music and the aversion to sports comes from the child. There is clearly a lot of pressure, to say the least, to accept the centrality of music and fit the rest of life around it.

'it is surprising how familiar it sounds when you bring this subject with other "musical mums" - often musical kids seem to have so much in common.'
I think a lot of musical kids have mums who have a lot in common.

You shouldn't be 'choosing' a sport for a DC anyway. If you want to choose - then choose one for yourself and let your DC 'choose' his own. It is far to much pressure to put on an 8 yr old - maybe they won't want music to be central in a few years and then how do they get out of it? If they are dedicated and want it to be central they will make it so themselves - they don't need mother pushing it! If a child wants to practise for hours a day they do it - they don't have to be managed.

pianomama "Anyway, I cant help feeling we could do with a special topic for musical mums - for practical advise and exchange of experience of bringing up our "ubnormal" children without being accused of being oppressive and abusive parents."

For musical mums - your own words :)

CM if your child loves piano above all things and doesn't like team games you don't have to ban anything, as he won't want to do the things you are worried about anyway, surely?

If a DC is going to grow up to be a talented musician the parent wouldn't be able to keep them away and stop music being central-if it has to be driven and micro managed by the parent then it is more the question of the parent wanting to be the parent of a talented musician with the reflected glory.

exoticfruits - we all manage our children, I am sure you do as well. They depend on us on everything - where they live, what and when they eat, what school they go to and what sports they play.

mathanxiety - it is not necessary a bad thing to have "centrality" in your life. You seem to have a picture of a great big domineering mother witha stick in her hand overshadowing supressed little child playing scales for hours while secretely wishing he was on a rugby field. It is not quite like that.

At 8 DD did dance as a small part of a greater whole, including sailing, brownies/guides, sunday school, swimming, singing, instruments etc

Slowly over the years each has been dropped and replace with something else - over the last 2 years the something else they have been replaced with has been dance.

When she got good grades in school her requested reward? Another dance class. She asks for dance kit for birthdays/Christmas as she knows they are expensive. When her English grade fell, I suggested that she was doing too much dance - the following term it was 2 levels higher

It's hard to manage at 14 if they are that committed never mind 8 - I'm glad DD wasn't committed at 8