Abuse while running :(

[TheGaffer]

Honestly…I despair…three times in the last six months alone I’ve been shouted out while out running.

1. two schoolboys…maybe 14-15 shouting at me from the other side of the road (hey fatty). Was irritated but ignored them and kept on running. (And I’m not fat!)
2. One man in his 60s I’d guess when I overtook him (by running on the road and giving him plenty space on the pavement shouted that I was so ugly no man would have me) (I mean…I’m not stunning by any means but I don’t think I’d qualify as THAT ugly!)
3. this morning 6am three 20 something men in the park sat on a bench about 10 feet away from me shouting “hey you in the pink tshirt- you’re a dog”

Im 46 and have run for years. In the past I used to get the odd wolf whistle or some sexist comment which i ignored but generally would wear headphones so I never really noticed. Recently I dont trust my eyesight so stopped wearing headphones so I could be more aware of my surroundings. It’s been a revelation (in a bad way)

It’s not even like I live in a dodgy area…it’s all leafy suburbs. I was really upset this morning when I got home and I told my husband who was furious and wanting to go and have a word with the men (which I dissuaded him from as there were three of them). He is also a runner and I asked him how many times he had abuse shouted at him while he was running…never…because of course, no man is going to yell abuse at another (likely fitter and faster man).

Ive never felt unsafe and I’ve not engaged with any of them, but honestly…what makes people think it is ok to shout abuse at solo female runners?

Really sorry to read this OP, it must really be hurtful especially when your DH doesn't encounter the same abuse. If you confront them, I don't imagine it will make much difference but I would just give them the middle finger just to make myself feel better 😂

Is there anyway you could have a bodycam? Start shaming them on FB?

I’m also so saddened to read this, it makes me so angry! I don’t know what the answer is.

As a runner I’ve had my fair share of comments over the years but like you normally have the headphones in to screen the crap out!

I worry for my DD 21 who has just started running and loving it but I know that the comments and stupid heckling and horn beeping will soon start and I don’t want it to deter her. We’ve even mapped out safe routes for her to try when she’s back at Uni but it’s just so wrong that we even have to do this.

This is why i never too up running in my younger days . I tried it once and the cat calls , filthy comments etc just put me off . I had a woman spit at me through a car window too .

Ah thank you…I was just looking to vent and I knew there would be some on here who have shared that experience. Solidarity!

i think I’m more affected by it as my daughters are also getting into running now like @Ichabodandme and I dont want them to have to put up with this shit. What do I even counsel them to do? When I was younger some men would get more and more aggressive if ignored them until I acknowledged them….like they needed to see me acknowledge receipt of one of their wolf whistle “complements”. Now I ignore them (and to be fair it’s more insults I seem to be getting these days than wolf whistles!) but if I was a cute 20 year old, I’m not sure that’s the best course of action?

Yes i can totally relate to what you are saying. Every week i run the seem route and often i meet this elderly couple walking together and the man shouts to me “Shall i call you a cab?” 🙄Ofcourse he doesn’t dare to shout this to a male runner…

At first I was angry but now I’m thinking about his poor wife who must hear this type of phrases all day long!

This is the reason I don’t run or if I do it in places where people typically go for exercise. The main insult I used to receive every single time I ran was something about being fat. I am not fat at all. I am a toned size 8 and even if I was fat it’s obviously not ok. Why do men do this?

This is really awful! I’ve never been much of a runner myself but did go through a period back in the day at Uni where I’d force myself sometimes for the sake of my weight. Maybe I was just lucky if perhaps it’s to do with the place I was running or times have changed but other than the odd wolf whistle or silly comment like the cab one which wouldn’t bother me, I don’t ever remember anything like this.

I find it so sad and upsetting that random people would say this sort of stuff to you especially when it’s clearly not true. Imagine what they’d say to me (who actually IS fat at a size 20) if I took up running?! It’s also sad that being fat and ugly are still seen as the worst insult you can level at a woman. If you are fat or ugly or both you still have to exist in the world so what business is it of theirs even if this were true? Are you not allowed to breathe the same air as them?! FFS.

Why don’t you stop and say something to him!
I think the answer is to have a list of retorts for each situation and keep on running. It’s depressing how unpleasant some people are but sometimes they need to be called out on it.

It's horrible isn't it?

I read an account of a female runner wearing a hijab getting so much abuse each time she went out. It really stays with you.

I run with headphones kind of for this reason. The ONLY time I felt I had a good comeback was some guys yelling out 'you should be running' during a rest break... I just said 'you first'.

Not massively clever or funny but it sort of gave me some power as they never would say that to a man.

That's utterly shit. I've had a few instances of abuse but mercifully few and far between.

Why can't us women just do simple things like go for a run without having to put up with this shit?

I know - we’re not hurting anyone or taking up space. Who are these men? Presumably don’t have a mum/sister/ wife??

I mean obviously they do. Would they be ok Learning their family was getting abuse??

I also despair. I always run in a pair or more, often with 16, nearly 17, year old daughter. I've thought about running alone but experience has put me off doing that.

The usual thing is beeping the horn, whistling, and occasional comments (especially if wearing shorts ☹️ when the weather is warm) but our route is mostly country lanes near farmland so it's nearly all car drivers rather than pedestrians.

Though I posted about this before. I did have a bad experience, last year I think it would have been, where we took a wrong turn and ended up in a unknown area. Two older, teenage possibly still, boys started throwing stones at our backs after we passed them. That was quite frightening really, in retrospect.

It's always men needless to add.

God this is depressing but sadly all too common. My female neighbour was running last year and a passing van slowed down and the passenger leant out and pushed her into a ditch.

I get it all the time while cycling, my female friends too. Funnily enough my male friends not so much. I really wouldn’t take it personally, they will shout it at most female runners they see.

myself and a friend got some abuse from a passing car recently and five mins later we came across the parked car and the occupants in the next village high street. They were a bit surprised when we stopped and asked them why on Earth they wanted to shout abuse at us. And not so bloody brave at that point either even though there were six of them! The two girls in the girl were apologising like mad, the 4 lads were slightly more blustering and still got the odd “you fat twat” shouted at me.

This makes me so angry. It’s what puts me off running. Why on earth do men feel so threatened / turned on / annoyed by a woman running that they feel the need to say something?? It’s just bizarre. Really odd behaviour.

What the hell is wrong with these pieces of crap men. It's unhinged behaviour.
I'm sorry op, it's a sad world we live in

Ive never felt unsafe and I’ve not engaged with any of them, but honestly…what makes people think it is ok to shout abuse at solo female runners?

Yes, not engaging or even acknowledging that you've heard, and I explained and discussed this with teen DD sadly after the first shout from a passing van.

We also decide safe routes, as others here have done (our local running club may have done similar as we appear to run most of the routes they use) and we find it's better to run early morning or later at night as fewer people around (except runners and occasional dog walker). Though we shouldn't need to do this.

A body cam is a great idea

The purpose of abuse is control. They don't like women exercising on the street and are trying to make us stay at home.

I'm not disagreeing but I have a go pro and I don't use it. it chafes and is annoying. What would I do with any footage? Would police even be interested?

I think the world is such a mess at the moment. I'm a walker, not a runner, but I frequently get abuse from men - drunks falling into me, asked for kisses, been threatened to have my dogs head stamped on, or the opposite wolf whistling and leering, and the annoying "smile it might not happen" whilst I'm just daydreaming.

I wasn't even running, just getting my then 6 month old baby's pram out of the boot of the car in a supermarket car park when a middle aged man with his elderly mother walked past and he said "look at that fat c*". It was clearly aimed at me as I looked up and he looked very sheepish, put his head down and scuttled passed, his mother looked very uncomfortable...

I mean WHY?? I was so angry but didn't want any confrontation when I was with my baby so just left it. I was in tears all the way round the supermarket. Why do people (predominantly men it seems) think this is ok?

What a sick thing, that they aren’t embarrassed to be behaving in such a way. How completely sickening.

I live in a small town and haven’t experienced that here, but when I lived in New York City, it was an everyday occurrence even when walking somewhere.

they don’t have any shame to keep them in line - in a small place, the frowns they’d experience from other people and the way they’d be the ones shamed for that behavior tend to keep people more careful of their behavior, unless they’re just out of their minds on drugs or something.

is there a place you can run where there are more runners or people out exercising? Safety in numbers …

ugh, I hate men

I tried running before and comments put me off. One was actually from a woman as I run past and she sniggered 'I can walk faster than she can run' to her friend. Really annoyed me. I have a dog now and take him for walks and gets comments shouted at me from men in their work vans and beeping.