Songsofexperience, that is so awful.
I don't have any advice about your husband, though I really hope you have friends and/or family to help you. You probably do need people who can listen, support and give practical help at this stage.
I'm so sorry.
Regarding your daughter, one of my children went through a 'bad patch' (understatement). It may be no help to you, or it may be some, so in the hope it might be helpful, I'll pass on what worked for us.
We found school and CAHMS just couldn't help. Waiting lists were too long and support was just hopeless when it did appear.
We found a local charity that worked with teenagers and mental health, and another charity that dealt specifically with our child's issues. Via those two, we - eventually - found some very good support.
Sadly, trying to get help via school and CAHMS was a bit hopeless and, looking back, was a waste of time and energy at a point when I felt unable to cope with any extra stress anyway.
But we did find help. And it did work.
It was all small steps - but we reached a better place.
And please do try and find something for you. You are a precious person, who doesn't deserve what your husband is doing. And, because I know you'll be doing everything you can to help your daughter, please remember to find some support for yourself. It makes so much difference.
Good luck. Xxx