To not know how to accept what's happening?

[PeachStone]

Yes this is a post about the EU referendum but I don't want to discuss the rights and wrongs of the decision or why people voted as they did. This is about how I'm feeling and wondering if anyone else is in the same position.

First of all, I voted to remain. I've long been interested in politics and hold very strong socialist views. Im accustomed to disappointment in the outcome of elections, the Tories getting in twice was obviously upsetting and worrying to me and has been an ongoing concern with the way I feel they have treated us with austerity and cuts. But there was always the hope that a new government would be elected, one that would reverse the damage and serve the people properly, if we could just ride the storm. This feels different.

When I woke to the news that Brexit had scraped through, I can only describe my response as devastated, shocked and worried. I'd read a lot of material from both sides of the argument, Brexit, Lexit, Remain. I decided on several different points that it would be better to stay in the EU for now, get behind a movement to reform it, but however things panned out, it was too dangerous to leave now with a right wing government in place and a leave campaign backed by extreme right factions. I listened to the economic forecasts if we were to leave. I believed, still do, the many experts and institutions that lay out the economic fate in a case of Brexit.

Right now, this feels huge. I genuinely feel that the course of the future has been changed, that this is just the start and we are headed for economic ruin, civil war and potentially a world war. I know some people will be reading this and thinking I am catastrophising, have bought into the 'scaremongering' of remain, I'm ill informed etc. but whatever the reason for feeling like this, it is absolutely what I feel. And I am terrified. I genuinely do not know how to accept what is happening. I don't know how to carry on as normal when I feel like I've woken up in a different country. This has changed everything. I can liken it to a form of grief but a kind that I've not experienced before. But it's there in the pit of my stomach, fear, sadness, despair, anger. Without any idea how to move past it.

I'm not angry with the people who voted leave, I know that, like me, they voted in the best interests of the country. I am disappointed though, that many placed economic uncertainty over concerns about immigration when research suggests that at worst their burden is neutral and at best they are huge contributors to our economy and society. Every single person I spoke to that was voting leave cited immigration as their main reason although I know people voted leave for a variety of reasons. I reserve my anger for the politicians who called this referendum. I think it was too complex an issue for us to decide as a people. They don't consult us on other major issues such as taking our country to war. Why this? Why now? I feel like we've been sacrificed for the political aspirations of those hell bent on screwing us over.

I'm finding myself wanting to spend all my time on social media, clinging desperately to my fellow remainers, trying to make sense of it, understand it, prepare, hope against hope that this isn't really happening. But then you get called a cry-baby, sore loser. Or that you're unpatriotic for not being happy about this and believing that Britain can flourish alone. Told to accept it, move on. I don't know how to do that when I think that this will be the moment that historians pinpoint as the unraveling of this country, the moment the world irrevocably changed for ever. I feel like I'm watching it happening with the rise of xenophobic attacks. I'm watching and feel powerless to do anything.

It's not something you can talk about though. How do you admit that you're so frightened that you are regularly in tears? My family have heard enough, my Facebook friends have probably hidden me. I can't go to my doctor and say, 'I'm depressed because of the referendum result. It's playing havoc with my anxiety. Is there counselling available for Brexit?'.

How do you move on?

PeachStone, I feel for you, and many people are shocked and upset at what's happening to our country. But you just don't know for sure that our country will unravel. (I voted remain, by the way). Nobody knows. And if Remain had won, all the social and economic problems our country is facing could have erupted into disorder by some other means. THere are a lot of unhappy people in our country, inequality is at a shocking level, people feel unrepresented, that they're not listened to, etc. Those problems (and more) have been bubbling away under the surface for a long time and were not going to just go away.
I agree with the posters who say maybe you should get more involved in politics. Join a group campaigning against racism, support a political party that plans to stand for keeping the UK as closely linked with the EU as possible etc etc. This is not necessarily a catastrophe.
I'm sorry about the nasty posters on this thread. Ignore them.

I think the way you're feeling may be exacerbated by your anxiety, but it's actually a rational way to feel under the circumstances and one shared by many people (including myself!)

My own solution is to make a resolution to get more directly involved in politics myself and to encourage and support others to do so.

We have to accept what has happened and try and be part of the solutions now.

I feel the same op.

It's not actually irrational when there are things to genuinely fear though, therefore gp and medication will help but only so far. I have to say I felt the same way initially, however, I have worked very hard to focus on what I can do to protect myself and my family. I feel very strongly that leave voters know not what they have done, but will see how it all pans out and hope that someone sensible takes the reigns to guide us out of the mess.

I have had anxiety all my life and it is not because of some results I don't like.

I can't help wondering when people in this country became so wet and pathetic. Crying, counselling for every little thing, FGS...

I know it's a well worn cliche now but I can't help thinking of my mother in her early 20s, left on her own with a baby in Blitz-torn London while my father in the navy was off for years on the incredibly dangerous North Atlantic convoys. I'm sure she was terribly worried and shit-scared much of the time, but she just got on with it.

If all this pathetic wetness has come about since we have been in the EU then maybe it's just as well we're out - and I was a firm Remain voter.

Maybe it's time to dig another old cliche out - but in earnest this time:
KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON!

I feel exactly the same OP. Keep waking up at night and realising that it is actually real.
FWIW the constructive step I have taken is to join both the Labour and Conservative parties so that I can at least influence the leadership elections for them (and try to do my bit to ensure that Boris never EVER gets a look-in).
How anyone can be rejoicing in the result and the poison that it has unleashed is truly beyond me.

This isn't about BREXIT really it's your Illness finding a hook to hang you with. I know that if I allowed myself to obsess about current global trends I will be dragged to the depths by them due to other things in my life so I consciously step away.

Firstly you CAN go to your GP and say you are having obsessive and extreme feelings about this issue. Because it is part of your illness.

Secondly you need to log off. From here other than maybe the MH support boards, from Facebook from Twitter from the news, everything. It isn't helping you control things it is feeding the monster. Step outside, the sun is out, the breeze is fresh, people are chatting, shopping, jogging, having lunch, playing with their kids, smoking, drinking wine, having fun, having arguments, driving and on and on being totally normal. Step out into reality for a while and see that right now nothing had really changed and J doubt it is really will on a fundamental level. Things have a way of working themselves out, and if not? Well as my aunt used to say "never trouble trouble, till trouble troubles you, you only double trouble and trouble others too".

Don't borrow fear from tomorrow that may never occur. Good luck at the GPs x

There are a lot of people who feel exactly the same as you OP. Lots of people I know have spent most of the weekend in tears. I think it is probably best if you don't allow yourself to read any more about it for now. Take a break from the internet and MN. You've totally immersed yourself in this which is a very bad idea for someone with anxiety problems.

Remember, we haven't left yet and we might never leave. You can worry all you want, but it won't change a thing. Take a break and look after yourself. Wishing you well. xx

I hear you OP, I've had anxiety issues and when something unsettling happens, it can really mess with your head, even if those things are on a national/worldwide level, it can still really seep into your own world and be frightening. I do think it's partly the MH issues talking, but also note that people who don't suffer from anxiety are anxious right now, so in that regard, you're one of many. Not much comfort from that, but hopefully it makes you feel less alone.

Having said that, it's not a great place to be and many of your worries may prove unfounded. For sure, this decision will have ramifications for the country and for many people, but none of us have a crystal ball. What I've learnt to do in the situations is a mixture of things. Firstly, step away from the media. They love reporting on exciting things and doom and gloom, and it whips up people's fears. I'm not saying people shouldn't feel concerned, of course, but just that fear is paralyzing and will make your anxiety worse. I wouldn't even read the threads on here on the subject tbh, you need to create some space in your mind for less anxiety inducing thoughts.

I read a post on twitter, I'll see if I can find it, about all the crises in humanity over the years. Most of the time, things work out ok. Not necessarily better, sometimes worse, but mostly ok. We are but tiny cogs in this giant wheel of life, and we're fortunate that in our lifetime things haven't been so 'big'. I didn't get on with anxiety meds but I take something called HTP5, a natural serotonin, and it helps me keep my head above water. Other strategies include: watch some comedy/listen to loud, happy music, go outside and look up to the stars. Remember the world will keep on turning, none of us know what'll happen, but you yourself can only do so much. I really think as long as you try to do your best, that's all you can do. Hope that helps.

Sorry you are feeling so grim PeachStone. I mean the following as helpful.
I lived through a world war, through the cold war, the Bay of Pigs and possible nuclear conflict. But every day the sun rose and set and we just got on with living.

Reality is never as bad as one's imagination. I hope you get the help you need

I'd switch off all media and go for a long walk in the countryside.

If this is the worst thing that's ever happened to you in your life then you're pretty damned luck.

peach I think this is more the anxiety talking than anything else. I suffer with GAD / OCD and PTSD and I have to try very hard to look at my response to things. 25 years Ive had them for and thanks to CBT 2 years ago my life has changed. By my thoughts can spiral out of control over truly insignificant things. This feels very significant to you but your reaction is still the anxiety talking and not a reality.

It might become the reality, but it isnt it now. Of ourse the markets / £ will be affected as the city bet against this happening and so that is playing a factor. Yes, it does seem that the vote has gone against the status quo, but our politicians are still our politicians. Whether or not they like the result doesnt matter anymore - their jobs are to steady the ship and guide us through. As will the Bank of England.

Ye it will be a time of change, but as a fellow sufferer of anxiety I operate by the mantra "lets just wait and see". There is literally no point in worrying as there is nothing you can do, so you just as well wait and see what happens and make a conscious decision not to worry about it now.

as I know how all encompassing those intrusive thoughts can be. But remember they are just thoughts ....

PeachStone I agree with you it isn't the decision I'd have chosen.

However I have found I've reached a place of calm about it. I hope you can find your way there too.

I was lucky to be able to sit and talk over a cup of tea with friends last Friday (one of whom had voted Leave too!). Getting angry, finding the humour in it, thinking about why it had happened, etc - generally "getting it out of our system". Hopefully between online versions and real-life friends you can do some of this too.

I think things will not change fast. Months before we have a new prime minister. Looks like months before we even start negotiations with the "article 50". I even see a thread on here suggesting that maybe that won't ever happen... (though I believe it will). I think there will be time to prepare for and adjust to changes to citizenship rules etc.

Your job situation is more immediate, putting your concern and action into that is more meaningful than this lather of political mayhem stirred up by Farage, Boris and Cameron.

I wish you luck in finding calm!

Peach stone, I totally understand why you would feel the way you do. Some of the responses on here appal me. Just give yourself some time. What has happened is enormous. xxx

I feel exactly the same OP and I do not suffer from anxiety nor do I have any history of mental illness. I know many people who have reacted in the same way.

This result has the power to alter so much; our very identities. I am absolutely devastated.

I am of Jewish descent and I feel growing fear at the racist incidents that are being reported. I no longer want to raise my children in this country, it doesn't feel safe.

I am also actively involved in local and national politics and I read huge amounts from both sides before the vote. I object to the result for ideological reasons and I'm heartbroken.

I do feel for you - my dad fought in WW2/ he is 94 and voted remain.
he said to me on Friday, ' roll your sleeves up and get on with it' not in a nasty way , he has seen prime ministers, war and recessions come and go and still good for 94! don't despair. The Uk will get through all this.

Peach Stone, I've felt what you feel now three times in my life. I am not an anxious person and never have been.

First time this happened I was 13 years old and my home country had just voted for its independence from Yugoslavia. Everyone was really happy and celebrating. I went off and found this booklet we had that was distributed to all households during cold war, all about how to prepare for survival when the shit hits the fan.

I started filling up containers with water, spent my pocket money on stockpiling tinned goods and tried to tape up all our windows with masking tape, which is when my parents intervened and asked me to please stop this madness. There were some mutterings about taking me to see a psychologist, but as this obsessive compulsive behaviour stopped once the larder was stocked to my satisfaction, they opted to let sleeping dogs lie.

A year later, an updated version of that booklet was.distributed to all households, and yes, we did all tape up our windows. That's when my mum started calling me Cassandra

Second time I felt like that was when George W. Bush was elected president of USA, even though the majority of voters did not vote for him. By that time, I was living in the UK, had a small child who was very hard work, and a marriage that was deteriorating by the day. This time there was a compulsion to squirrel every penny away that I could, not larder up. And it lasted and lasted. I still think this was not down to Dubya, but to my personal circumstances... But I can't explain why this anxiety stopped the moment I saw the second tower get hit on the 11th September 2001. I just felt a strong sense of "well, it's happened now, it's now time to find the way to build a new world after this."

Shortly afterwards, XH lost.his job, we got kicked out of our flat, and that, with ever more erratic behaviour from ex, led to our separation. Full larder would have been a liability, savings were a boon and enabled me and DD to run when we had to.

I feel that way now. This time the compulsion is to sort out my life admin, marry DP, and become a British citizen.

Do I believe that I had a premonition twice before and am having one now ?

No.fucking way. Sorry, but I am not some modern day Cassandra spouting doom unbelieved and ignored.

But I do believe the following:

1. It's normal, it's human, to feel anxious in face of uncertainty and change

2. This gets worse the less control you feel you have over the situation

3. if you can trick yourself into feeling you have some control over something, you can make yourself feel better. This is what I did with my larder stocking, my savings account, and now my life admin

4. even though I am really not woo, I do believe that we need to listen to our intuition, because our subconscious will often notice things our conscious mind doesn't. This is why my compulsions in times if
   uncertainty so far were spot on in terms of usefulness - because a part of me read the signs and prepared to deal with them.

So, in short, you are not silly for feeling the way you do, and you are not the only one.

But we are not doomed. And life does go on.

Vent and rant by all means, if it helps. But it would probably help you now to identify a part of your life that you can exert some control over, and concentrate on that for a while. I find decluttering and gardening is always good for that !

I felt exactly the same OP . I do not suffer from anxiety either. Over the weekend I've not felt this sad since my dad died. Ok one minute and then I remember . Watching Martin on This Morning has helped and I've read the thread on here about why someone voted leave .

We have to believe it will be ok.

There's no shame in being worried PeachStone, in fact you would need to be a total moron not to worry at the minute.

I grew up in Northern Ireland and have experienced plenty 'staring into the abyss' type events. If you are anxious by nature it may be best to avoid the media/social media for a few days and focus on relaxing. Long walks, hot baths and chocolate will help . As will

Good luck OP!

I have never suffered from anxiety and I don't think I have been quite as overwhelmed as you, OP.

However, I have been feeling much sadder and angrier than I have before any political decision that hasn't gone in my ideological direction in the past.

I think taking a break from all the live feeds/social media would do you good, given that you do suffer from anxiety. I also think, however, that you are correct to worry that this is the beginning of the end of a peaceful and tolerant world. I am a historian by profession, and it really feels as if Britain is sleepwalking into division, hatred, and violence because memories are so short term they can't grasp the significance of the EU project in bringing 1000 years of war in Europe to an end. Furthermore, in our globalized world, the Brexit decision easily has an impact elsewhere - emboldening Trump supporters in the US for example.

Unless this disaster can be turned around, I fear we are all going to hell in a handbasket....

I sympathise with you very much, PeachStone. It's not nice to feel so fearful and it's a horrible thing to wake up afraid of the future. I would suggest to you St John's Wort if it's not contraindicated with anything else that you're taking, or some Bach Rescue Remedy perhaps? Anything that takes the edge off your worries would be a relief for you, I imagine.

I'm a leave voter; I didn't vote for immigration reasons because I knew at the outset that nothing would realistically change and I didn't want it to change. I know that you're hearing horrific things about racism but that's always been there. It's in the open now - in a way it's positive as we can all challenge that whereas before, unless you were the target, you could be oblivious - and our voice is louder because WE are not racist as a nation and we don't have to put up with this crap.

Regarding the stock markets, value of the £, yes it's dipped but it's going to recover. It's not the first time that the country has been in recession and we had no control over it then - this is planned for and will not last. Whatever people think of our now press-shy politicians, we're not party to the discussions taking place and I truly do not believe that they will not bring the country back by negotiation, settlements and proper planning for public engagement. I think they had a shock, a bad one, they hadn't counted on this result and that's because they're out of touch. The leave voters are not thick as has been cited so often this week, many of us are highly educated but this doesn't show up on the colourful scattergraphs because they're just demographics.

Nobody knows what the future holds and even though I'm certain of my vote, I would like to know the exact plan. I think people will feel better about this as time passes. The result is too soon, too raw and there is too much catastrophising, which is understandable, but I think when people do stop to reflect and take some time to consider what is actually happening and can see the snail's pace it's going to move at, everybody will feel some sort of relief.

I really do feel for you, try St John's Wort, it's really good.

I think it's understandable to feel like this immediately after this. The news we are leaving is still very new.

However, I do think you need to try to put this in perspective. We haven't even triggered article 50 yet so there's not even 100% certainty we will leave. And even after we do trigger it we will have upto 2 years of negotiations before we do so. Anything could happen in that time! North Korea could declare nuclear war, Russel Brand could front a left-wing revolution, ISIS could fly a plane into the Houses of Parliament, Ebola could come to the UK and wipe out 50% of the population, a meteor from space could crash into the planet.

There are so many unknowns over what this referendum will mean, or even if it will mean very much at all, that I think you just have to try and accept that the referendum has happened, the result was a shock but actually it was just a non-legally-binding referendum and doesn't have to mean anything.

I do agree the surge of racism is horrifying and unsettling but I don't believe that the majority of Leave voters are racist, even those that had immigration as a concern, and I think people will speak out against those attitudes and show that no, that is not okay. It doesn't have to mean this is the beginning of the end - I think in a months time things will have settled back down.

In the meantime I think it's up to those of us who see how bleak things might be to try and use that fear for good, for example by standing up against the racists/ standing alongside minorities.

we all voted in at our house- I think it's very telling how many people now regret their out vote. Time will tell though