To not know how to accept what's happening?

[PeachStone]

Yes this is a post about the EU referendum but I don't want to discuss the rights and wrongs of the decision or why people voted as they did. This is about how I'm feeling and wondering if anyone else is in the same position.

First of all, I voted to remain. I've long been interested in politics and hold very strong socialist views. Im accustomed to disappointment in the outcome of elections, the Tories getting in twice was obviously upsetting and worrying to me and has been an ongoing concern with the way I feel they have treated us with austerity and cuts. But there was always the hope that a new government would be elected, one that would reverse the damage and serve the people properly, if we could just ride the storm. This feels different.

When I woke to the news that Brexit had scraped through, I can only describe my response as devastated, shocked and worried. I'd read a lot of material from both sides of the argument, Brexit, Lexit, Remain. I decided on several different points that it would be better to stay in the EU for now, get behind a movement to reform it, but however things panned out, it was too dangerous to leave now with a right wing government in place and a leave campaign backed by extreme right factions. I listened to the economic forecasts if we were to leave. I believed, still do, the many experts and institutions that lay out the economic fate in a case of Brexit.

Right now, this feels huge. I genuinely feel that the course of the future has been changed, that this is just the start and we are headed for economic ruin, civil war and potentially a world war. I know some people will be reading this and thinking I am catastrophising, have bought into the 'scaremongering' of remain, I'm ill informed etc. but whatever the reason for feeling like this, it is absolutely what I feel. And I am terrified. I genuinely do not know how to accept what is happening. I don't know how to carry on as normal when I feel like I've woken up in a different country. This has changed everything. I can liken it to a form of grief but a kind that I've not experienced before. But it's there in the pit of my stomach, fear, sadness, despair, anger. Without any idea how to move past it.

I'm not angry with the people who voted leave, I know that, like me, they voted in the best interests of the country. I am disappointed though, that many placed economic uncertainty over concerns about immigration when research suggests that at worst their burden is neutral and at best they are huge contributors to our economy and society. Every single person I spoke to that was voting leave cited immigration as their main reason although I know people voted leave for a variety of reasons. I reserve my anger for the politicians who called this referendum. I think it was too complex an issue for us to decide as a people. They don't consult us on other major issues such as taking our country to war. Why this? Why now? I feel like we've been sacrificed for the political aspirations of those hell bent on screwing us over.

I'm finding myself wanting to spend all my time on social media, clinging desperately to my fellow remainers, trying to make sense of it, understand it, prepare, hope against hope that this isn't really happening. But then you get called a cry-baby, sore loser. Or that you're unpatriotic for not being happy about this and believing that Britain can flourish alone. Told to accept it, move on. I don't know how to do that when I think that this will be the moment that historians pinpoint as the unraveling of this country, the moment the world irrevocably changed for ever. I feel like I'm watching it happening with the rise of xenophobic attacks. I'm watching and feel powerless to do anything.

It's not something you can talk about though. How do you admit that you're so frightened that you are regularly in tears? My family have heard enough, my Facebook friends have probably hidden me. I can't go to my doctor and say, 'I'm depressed because of the referendum result. It's playing havoc with my anxiety. Is there counselling available for Brexit?'.

How do you move on?

[BurningBridges]

I feel similar to you OP, its a very worrying time. My DH is just about to retire and we'd pinned all our hopes on his pension meaning we could finally do some repairs on the house, go on a holiday, replace our ancient car. We've waited all our married lives for this and now we could be looking at losing a third of the amount (I suppose now people will come on and say that we are capitalist pigs for having a pension). I think you are right to be concerned.

And yes, this is how right wing organisations come to power and yes, I do think we are returning to a time like the 70s or maybe more like the 1930s and 40s. I've not heard any intelligent arguments for the leave vote, but I have heard an awful lot of "not to worry, carry on regardless, it'll be ok, sore losers by Jingo" and all that crap. This is not an inevitable disaster where we need to link arms and sing always look on the bright side of life - this is a situation that our friends and neighbours created.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

loobyloo1234 (and anyone else who has been spiteful for that matter)

I really hate it when people are shut down. OP is not having a rant or a ruck , she is truly anxious and distraught and wants someone to speak to

so you don't want to chat. FINE. but leaving bitch fucking

its just really unkind

[WillPenn]

Everyone should listen to Toastdemon who, unfortunately, has had direct experience of fleeing a crisis.

To be honest, it's not so much the situation in Britain that worries me here - we haven't had a civil war since 1642 and even then we invited the king back. Britain is innately conservative and almost always turns away from anything too radical. Instead, it's the message that Brexit vote gives to the right-wing racists elsewhere in France, USA.

Hopefully, it is not too late to salvage the situation - but if people stand idly by and claim it will all blow over I will be very worried indeed

[notfornothing]

I do understand how you're feeling OP.
I thankfully don't suffer from anxiety but i feel that the first dominos just fell and sooner than we think they all fall down.
I don't think most people will get it, but I believe there is a chain reaction and things will never be what they were.
in some, maybe 5, years Great Britain will no longer exist I also feel that ww3 is a question of time.
I try to focus on everyday life and not the doom and gloom, what comes comes.

[iloveeverykindofcat]

Dacc: I do take your point that we can't prove all these instances, but I myself am visibly mixed race, and having experienced racism the like of which I never have in my lifetime over the past few days, I assure you the trend is real.

[BurningBridges]

WillPenn well said.

[KnitFastDieWarm]

OP I feel the same and I think it's deeply unreasonable for people to suggest how we feel is silly or invalid. I have very good reasons for being upset with the result - it is likely to directly affect my family's future plans - and it will take me time to accept it. For everyone saying 'sore loser' I could come back with something about being gracious in victory

It's not silly to be upset about Thai because it is a real, tangible and irrevocable step that I and others believe will affect our lives negatively: it's not like crying over Diana or sulking about britain's got talent!

oh and for those tho think OP and others are overreacting/need to get a life/don't know real hardship - My (remain-voting) grandma told me that the only time she's felt as apprehensive in her life before was the day after war was declared in 1939

I appreciate that lots of people are excited and optimistic, and that's great. but everyone is allowed to feel how they feel without being belittled.

[Marynary]

I feel for you too OP. I agree that Brexit could be an economic disaster if it happens but I'm not totally convinced it will happen. There is already a lot of backtracking and delaying among politicians. Even if it does happen it won't be for another couple of years.

[BreconBeBuggered]

Crikey. I don't think that pointing out the things OP could potentially be worrying about is helping to do any more than reinforce her anxiety. The 'chin up, you snivelling weakling' approach isn't much use as a pep-talk either. I share many of the OP's fears on this, on a personal as well as a wider level. I don't feel social media helps calm me down, but at the same time I feel compelled to keep up with developments so that I don't wake up to yet another catastrophe.
As for the comparison with bereavement, yes, I kind of get that. Not so much the feeling of personal mourning but certainly the emotions that go alongside loss: denial , anger, bargaining. Acceptance will come in its time, whatever it is we're accepting. We don't all have to get there at the same time.

[PlatoTheGreat]

Well Barclays and RBS are suspended on the stock market because their values were going down and down and down.
If that doen't scare anyone, I'm wondering what will....

Peach if that's any help, a lot of people are exactely like you. Those are the ones who are still posting about the referendum and what will happen next, the influence of Boris Johnson ec... All people trying the make sense of what is happening atm.
People who say 'just stay calm. It's not the end of the world' are in some ways naive.

[fusionconfusion]

"Crikey. I don't think that pointing out the things OP could potentially be worrying about is helping to do any more than reinforce her anxiety."

The irony is that the single most effective treatment for anxiety is to expose yourself to your fears in a supportive environment. Validation is key. The general trend in current psychological literature is to turn towards anxiety when it arises and co-exist with it, allowing it to be there and doing things that are meaningful and important to you despite it being there.

The things that will most increase anxiety over the long term are: a) avoiding the e

[fusionconfusion]

experience of anxiety; b) avoiding contexts that increase the experience e.g. not talking about it, not engaging with activities that remind you of it etc and c) being shamed or invalidated for feeling it.

[Filosofikal]

As mentioned by a previous poster have a look at Martin lewis's take on the referendum. It's balanced and should reassure you. Also listen to Paul lewis's Money Box on the radio 4. It's available as a podcast. It's also very reassuring.

Both these guys actually know what they are asking about and are not trying to put a ridiculous political slant on it.

[FlumptyDumpty]

OP, I understand how you feel, and am shocked at the nasty responses you have had here.

You have a right to your feelings. Anxiety or not, this is a massively huge event. Many, many people who voted to leave appear to lack any true comprehension of the repercussions that are to come. Telling you that you must have a mental health problem because you don't agree with their blithe (very often uninformed) optimism is a reflection on them, rather than you.

[n0ne]

I felt like that the first couple of days, OP. Completely dazed. Sick. Grieving. Today I feel a bit better (although I was crying this morning about the racist/xenophobic attacks everywhere). Time is a great healer. It is what it is, and we just have to do the best we can with it. But know that you're far from alone.

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

If you have socialist views you may be interested and reassured by Benn, Galloway and even Corbyn himself on this matter.

[midsomermurderess]

Perhaps have a read of Alistair Appleton's blog.
On leaving our media bubble-chambers and facing our neighbours uncomfortable views: alistairappleton.com/blog/?p=1573

[HildurOdegard]

I find it perplexing that you OP, claim to hold such strong socialist views - are so upset when proletariat have said they don't want cake.

[Balletblue]

You are not alone. I was rather a wreck all weekend and not at all ready for the week to start. I think in many ways your reactions are appropriate.
However, I was at work and distracted today and intend to make sure that I don't spend much time online this evening. Whatever is happening in the world, appropriate self-care is very important. Hope you feel better soon.

[Savemefromwine]

No one knows what are the long term repercussions though do they? That's the whole point. That's why we need to calm down come together and move forward to make the best of the vote.

[Believeitornot]

I'm angry and sad and disappointed due to the vote.
I can't believe the government were so arrogant and stupid to call a referendum without a minimum level to reach. As they enforced for unions

I think the result is an barometer of the huge gulf between the have and have nots. The gap has been getting bigger and has been ignored

But even now I am not sure people are absorbing the fact that many people voted because they felt like their life chances had been ruined by immigration and other people "taking their jobs". Very real concerns. Not being addressed.

[aquamarine2]

I found this article, have a read..........

Britain has voted to leave the European Union. For the Leave campaign, it was a narrow victory, with 52% voting for a Brexit. But for almost half (48%) of the rest of the population, including 75% of 18-24 year olds who voted to Remain, the news has served a devastating blow. What’s more, many voters over the weekend have claimed they now regret their Leave vote. Big mistake. Huge.

So how to deal with the fallout? We asked psychologist Emma Kenny for a speed therapy session

Stage one: Shock
WTF?! Did this really happen? Yes, yes it did. It’s still not a bad dream. Even for some Vote Leavers, who have over the past few days admitted they never thought it would actually happen. And the initial knee jerk reaction has been one of utter shock.
Emma says: ‘It’s important to acknowledge that this as a kind of grief. It’s okay to feel scared, to feel frightened, to have your opinions and to air them. These emotions are all part of the process. But where possible, avoid playing the blame game. That only exacerbates negativity.’

Stage two: Denial
But nobody has triggered Article 50 yet, and it was such a small margin, and it’s not actually legally binding, right? Right?? Maybe they just need a recount.
Emma says: ‘I liken the feeling of Remainers right now to that of being a child in a divorce scenario. It's confusing and frustrating. People are scared, and when we get scared, we revert to being childish, hence some of the mud-slinging and Facebook unfriending from both sides. It is ultimately driven by fear so try to stay calm and avoid confrontation while emotions are flying high.’


Stage three: Anger
F*k the old people! Screw you, racists! Farage you t*t! As the initial shock makes way for a bellyful of hot angry tears, it’s important to handle your emotions in a constructive way, according to psychologist Emma Kenny.
Emma says: ‘Again, it’s totally natural to feel anger and frustration so acknowledge them and work through them. Stand true to your beliefs and don’t be afraid to have your opinions but don’t react. When this whole scenario is sorted out – and it will be – you’ll want your relationships with friends, family and colleagues to remain in tact. Don’t say anything in anger, or post anything online in anger that could cause lasting damage. A lot of people have taken the result of this vote very personally which is understandable because it affects us all on a personal level, but don’t humanise it by focusing on one person on your Facebook timeline who disagrees with you, or your dad who needs to move with the times, or your next-door neighbour by blaming them. Type a furious email and don’t send it. Type an angry tweet but don’t post it. That will only further fuel negative feelings.’

Stage four: Desperation
Petitions for another referendum, campaigns for London to break away and remain in the EU, frankly signing anything that might mean this apocalypse isn’t really happening.
Emma Kenny: ‘This is the beginning of the action stage. Borne out of frustration, it’s the will to want to do something, anything, that might regain some control of a situation that ultimately we have no control over. It’s a positive thing because it’s a step towards solutions. It’s around now that a digital detox is useful. Exposure to all the noise will only increase your anger and worry. Other people’s opinions are not facts. We feel we need to battle them but instead, all we can do is wait for the facts to emerge. In the meantime, it helps to step away from newspapers and social media. Internalise your feelings instead and ask what do I have? What's brilliant about my life right now?’

Stage five: Depression
Life will never be the same again. My future, my children’s future, it’s all in disarray. Everything is ruined! The Actual End.
Emma says: ‘There was always going to be a slump after such a frenzied campaign. We were promised the end of the world in many guises and now the dust is starting to settle, everything feels decidedly flat. This is where you need to find a positive voice. We have been through worse. The Orlando shootings and the murder of Jo Cox all precluded this referendum, so it was natural we would be experiencing a collective grief. But like grief, what happens next is out of our control. Surround yourself with like-minded people, but avoid inciting one another. Stay calm and look for the positives together.

Stage six: Action
To hell with all this, what on earth can I do to help?
Emma says: ‘The overwhelming feeling seems to be frustration so do something at grass roots to regain control: Join a peaceful protest march, become active with a political party, get involved with a refugee charity. Do a random act of kindness. Heaven knows everybody needs cheering up right now. Be the one to do it. Don’t be that bitter person.’

Stage seven: Acceptance
Okay. What’s done is done. Can we all just go to the pub together and talk about Game of Thrones and share cat memes on Facebook?
Emma says: ‘Whilst initially it’s important to surround yourself with like-minded, affirmative people there will also be people in your family and friendship group who voted differently to you. This is where the Brexit divide has occurred and it can be toxic. You can’t ignore the topic completely with a ‘let’s not talk politics’ declaration. But be respectful. Always look for similarities, not differences. They are what reinforce us. Put your point across calmly and open-mindedly. Look at the situation through somebody else’s eyes. Be compassionate and non-confrontational. Nobody's going to change anybody else’s mind so instead find a common ground. You may find you have more in common than you think, for example, a desire to have a better way of life. Accept that we’re all different and realise that everything is going to be okay eventually. Then do what the British do best and take things with humour. There are hundreds of memes online to help with that.’

[PlatoTheGreat]

Save I think it depends a lot of what is yur position.
As an EEA national, I know that I will loose my right to stay indefinitely the way I had when Britain was in the EU.

The OP has done a lot of research about the vote so she is probably much more clued up than most people (who mainly read the news and maybe MN). So she is probably seeing a lot of other issues than you don't even think about.
Yes I agree we don't know what is exactely going to happen. And panicking isn't going to help.
But I believe that in this case, anxiety (and fear) is exactely what we need to start doing the things we need NOW.

[d270r0]

Anyone who feels bad about the result should sign this petition
"We, the undersigned, call on the Prime Minister, the Government and MPs from all sides to put before parliament and full and frank debate on the decision whether or not to invoke Article 50 and the decision be that of Parliament, not solely the Prime Minister, taking into account the result of the recent referendum but not being bound by it."

you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/parliamentary-debate-on-decision-to-ratify-article-50

[ApocalypseSlough]

You're not alone.
I suffer from anxiety and although I've been upset this weekend, I've also been quite energised by it all. Have you written to your MP and signed the petition for a new referendum. I wrote to mine this morning and she's already answered and supports a second referendum.
It's not over yet.