Should I have said anything?

[ThatCoralKoala]

I took my child to a summer party and was sat talking to her with my little one on my shoulder (no raised voices and no crying or anything). I was telling her to pass me her sweet before she ran off dancing or to eat it first because they’d asked the children not to eat sweets while dancing. A volunteer (a woman in her 60s) came up behind me and grabbed my daughter’s arm and said “come dance with me”. I explained I had the situation under control and she just wanted to play while eating. She said “give the sweet to mummy” but when I again explained I have it under control myself she took her to the dance floor and began waving her arms around. My daughter is 2 for reference. In the end I had to go over and take my daughter away and ignore the woman until she left. The party overall was lovey but I couldn’t stop thinking about it and how upset I was that she’d grabbed my daughter without her or my consent. I don’t doubt that she meant well but it didn’t make it right and I don’t want other parents feeling uncomfortable too. I sent the venue a message and asked could they speak to the volunteer and let her know that touching children without parent consent is too far. They’ve replied to say she is mortified, won’t volunteer again and because she’s a key part of organising that they won’t do events again. I feel awful now that the children’s events won’t be run again and my intention was only to ensure the volunteer didn’t overstep boundaries in future unintentionally

In any case, the damage is done, and as others have said, the lady who tried to be helpful will no longer be an issue to you or to others (who might have appreciated her efforts). Well done - you've had your victory, why come here asking for more?

I don't think she should have taken your DD to dance and overruled you, but I also think it was OTT to complain about a volunteer. Incidentally, how was your DD when dancing? If she was fine and happy and I'd have left it and quietly seethed, not drag her back to sit down

i explained about the sweet and she saw it in her mouth. If it was my family member volunteering they wouldn’t be touching children if the child isn’t interested and/or the parent has said they don’t need or want help

Don’t blame you op let’s not normalise grabbing kids by arms or any part of their body.
It’s also a stupid idea to teach kids that a grown up can grab & take you away from your parent. That’s never been ok; or let your child think you think it’s ok if an adult just grabs them & takes them elsewhere.
Doesn’t matter if she’s a volunteer she’s a complete stranger to op & her children.

Ffs get a grip, are you for real.

She offered help and you said you were fine. At that point she needed to move away.

Her reaction and the venues reaction to your email is frankly ridiculous. You wanted a volunteer to understand that walking off with your child
is inappropriate. If that somehow leads to the whole event being cancelled permanently then god help them.

I think the ‘right thing’ lies somewhere in the middle tbh. She was probably being a bit full on but no malice and it’s not like she was just a randomer on the street…. She was a volunteer running a kids event you took your kids to. I feel awful for that woman, you’ve really screwed her over here. Of course she’s mortified and she may have lost one of her main purposes in life - volunteering for a routine/socialising etc. horrific.

This 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

She wasn’t crying but wasn’t smiling and was just stood still. the volunteer had hold of her arms waving them

So what are you going to do OP??? You seem to have no understanding of the impact of your accusation on the volunteer. This is a real person you’ve made allegations against not an organisation but an individual do you know the impact this may have on their mental health and well-being

The volunteer will feel distraught that you emailed. I would have quit in her shoes too. All the unpaid work she puts in for the benefit of her local community and this is how she is repaid. You did what you felt you had to do and if making this lady feel very very upset was your intention then you’ve succeeded. You could have handled it at the time in a much more sensitive way.

I feel like the comments about handling it at the time are fair. I have never experienced this before so I was taken back. I didn’t want to cause a stir or upset my daughter but also they were sat next to us for the rest of the event and I felt uncomfortable. My plan was to not say a word but when I left I couldn’t stop thinking about it

Can't you find a way to make your point without personal insults?

Boo fucking hoo OP

I couldn’t stop thinking about it

See, that in itself is an overreaction. It should have been a mild irritant, not something that you couldn't stop thinking about when the event was over, to the point that you felt compelled to email the venue.

They were sat at your table? So not a total stranger appearing out of nowhere then. Someone sat at your table and who was thinking they were helping you. Not great, but not worth your overreaction.

Most of us might have just raised our eyebrows and that would’ve been it, not made a massive drama about it accusing the poor volunteer of molesting their child

I completely agree with you op! I would have completely lost my shit at her if she had ignored me and grabbed my daughter, its extremely bad manners! Its simply not acceptable for anyone to do this. I don’t know why people on here think that its in any way acceptable. I probably wouldn’t have emailed the complaint but that’s only because as i said before i would have lost it with her when she did it.

For goodness sake, give your head a wobble

That poor woman. Total over reaction.

Well done, OP, you've ruined it for everyone. What a silly fuss about nothing.

Well that's the issue isn't it. The OP overreacted afterwards because she didn't say anything at the time.

This all the way.

If someone says “nah, thanks. I’ve got it”, that’s your cue to FO. Instead, she decided to railroad and undermine.

Also agree with @heldinadream’s take on the pass agg response.

What the fuck? She was trying to help. Because in your words ‘you had a child on your shoulder’. Did you realise she was a volunteer or think she was just a nut case off the street?

Dermot O’Leary was talking on This Morning about being a little kid in pre-school and being upset. The teacher picked up him up and put him on her lap to give him a cuddle. He said she smelt of coffee and fags but he remembers feeling so comforted and safe because she took care of him and touched him to calm him down.

Absolutely agree with this. Volunteer shouldn’t just take the child if the mum has said no. And yes she’s the one over reacting to the mum.